How long do you get with your dcs???

[IsabellaMoltisantixx]

I know this sounds terrible but I'm having extreme guilt from being a working mum to 9 month old dd.

Before the summer I went back to work when dd was 7 months old, I'm a teacher so basically work school hours 8.20-4pm. I was lucky as I went off mat leave to three days a week n it seemed brilliant as I got that break and quality two days with dd in the week,
However, after the summer holidays I was required to work 4 days. Just that one extra day has made such a huge difference. I feel like I'm just hardly seeing her! On my day off, I now try get all the housework done phone calls etc appointments
I have an overbearing guilt all the time and I've started to ring in late to work due to it. I think the travelling doesn't help as by the time I pick her up from childcare we end up home about 5pm!! Then she goes to bed about 7.30pm
I'm just really struggling and would just like to hear from any other working mums who feel the same with a similar ages dc. Any advice
Thanks all

You have three full days per week to be with your little one. Make the most of the time you have and have good, fun holidays. That is what most parents do when both work full or nearly full time and their children are fine. I think it's important neither of you are too bogged down with household chores when you are at home so a good idea to employ a cleaner once a week. It really does make a difference.

You'll be fine and so will your child!

@TiddleTaddleTat

Thank you for your kind comment. I know it's a shame some people couldn't see the gist of my post. I have bad anxiety going back to work and wanted to find out about other working mums for a kind of reassurance which is a big factor when it comes to helping with anxiety,

And also, the weekend is not exactly counted as I stated that me n her father are currently having a time out so sometimes she will be with him for a few hours

I thank everyone else for sharing your arrangements does make me feel better and more able. I'm hoping after Christmas to get dd in a nursery close to my work so I can pick her within a reasonable timeframe n get home, she'll be over one then too so maybe will be more ready for nursery

@TiddleTaddleTat

Thank you, yes my GAD was pretty high (panic attacks almost day and night at one point) I'm anti-medication so they referred me to a combination of psychotherapy/cbt which helped tremendously! I've found coping mechanisms
But I've found that big change in life events can start brewing it up

What were the problems/difficulties you faced? Glad to hear someone empathises :)

Psychotherapy and CBT sounds like a good combination

I had a terrible experience returning from maternity leave and was essentially demoted and bullied at work. They wanted me out before I decided to take another maternity leave. Financially I had no choice but to remain there, but doing so caused damage. I moved away and took up a slightly different role on a PT basis and took some time out to recover. Was the best thing I ever did for myself and my family because I found a new career direction too.
There's GAD and then there's being anxious because you're unhappy - it can be difficult to separate the two. There's some reassurance in knowing what others do but people's tolerance to stress etc varies widely, and some of us beat ourselves up more! One thing I've learnt for sure is that as a mother you feel guilty, what ever your work pattern . Lots of luck.

I think all working mothers suffer with guilt especially when children are small. However sometimes for financial and mental wellbeing working either full time or part time is unavoidable.

I think your GAD is magnifying your guilt so you are finding it difficult to get past this. This will have to be dealt with or your baby will pick up on this and cause her anxiety too. Some counselling will help.

When I worked part time with 2 toddlers I used to do housework in the evening and when I picked them up from the childminders spent as much time as possible with them. You could try making sure that as much time as possible is spent with your baby after you pick her up in the evening on the days you are working. Do the housework/phone calls etc after she has gone to bed or at nap times. If you are out of the house for 4 days hopefully the house will stay relatively clean. Use shortcuts housework wise wherever possible as long as it does not jeopardise yours or baby's health.

You still have three full days with her and are home early enough to spend a few hours before bedtime with her. She will be socialising with other children on your working days so will gain some benefit of being in some sort of day care. She will be fine and adjust relatively quickly. Most kids do if you make this part of her normal week. Make sure you set some time at least in the evening for you too. Good luck.

Tough one. Keeping an ideal job is a good long term investment.

But you should make a change that makes it feel more doable, like

• request a return to three days as four not working for you (they may accept if need money for other things)
• use the extra days earnings to pay someone to do housework
• work on the handing over routine so she is not upset, you are not upset

Get some perspective and think with a balance between your logical and emotional brain, both important. Good luck.