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Parenting

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Original poster

Nothing to be happy about

20 replies

Olivia1987 · 12/09/2018 08:43

I hate the fact I’m saying this but I’m not enjoying being a mum at all. I have nothing to be happy about. My LB is 8 weeks old and never happy. It’s just disappointing.
He suffers from painful wind which he wakes up screaming from. If he’s awake he cries. No one has tried to help him. I do everything that I’ve been advised nothing works. I used to love feeding him looking into his big eyes but now that’s just become a fear of is he going to keep his food down (normally he doesn’t) he screams bloody murder when I burp him but he needs it done more often because of his reflux. Bath time used to be something for us both to look forward to he loves his bath but now it ends in him screaming (I was advised to rub his tummy after with oil to help soothe him) he hates that now. He’s so incredibly noisy when he sleeps which means I don’t sleep. Again that’s because of his reflux. He’s always uncomfortable if he’s not crying he’s moaning. Even nappy changing is terrible sounds strange but I used to be so happy when he pooped thinking he’ll feel so much better but he’s always sick when I change him resulting in a stressful change because I just want him to stay content. I’m exhausted and honestly fed up of people saying it’ll get better, will it? Because I’m living today and today isn’t better. Today is another fight. That’s what it feels like to me.... a fight. I’m tired of it.

I’m sorry for the rant. As you can all probably tell I’m a first time mum.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

anotherangel2 · 12/09/2018 08:47

Is he medicated for the reflux?

Original poster

Olivia1987 · 12/09/2018 08:50

He’s on gaviscon. It doesn’t work. We’ve tried all the other things but they made him very sick. We’ve got the doctors again Monday. They won’t do anything but all I can do is try.

OP posts:

anotherangel2 · 12/09/2018 08:52

Have they prescribe Rantitadine instead. It was a game changer for us. Or looked into intolerances.

We discovered at 11 months that DD reflux was caused by dairy intolerance.

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pumpkinpie01 · 12/09/2018 08:55

Ah you poor thing newborn babies are so much hard work especially one with reflux. Have you tried an oesteopath ? Have a google see if there is one near you , our local one literally works wonders its like she has magic hands !

Original poster

Olivia1987 · 12/09/2018 08:56

The doctor ignored the health visitors notes on the intolerance testing. It’s not just his reflux that’s upsetting him. The painful wind is almost worse. It wakes him up it keeps him awake when he wants to sleep. It’s so tiring. For him.
Feels like it’s never going to get better. Life is pretty dismal now.

OP posts:

Original poster

Olivia1987 · 12/09/2018 08:58

I feel likes it’s completely ruined any kind of joy you get from the newborn stage. I’ll look back and just remember how horrible it was. How unhappy he was. How I couldn’t do anything to help him. I never wanted this and most certainly never will again.

OP posts:

SnuggyBuggy · 12/09/2018 08:58

8 weeks is a pretty grim age. My DD used to have awful gas pain and it only got better now that she is a little bigger and can wriggle more.

Original poster

Olivia1987 · 12/09/2018 09:03

To me the whole of his 8 weeks here have been pretty grim well at least 6 of them have. I knew this time would be tough but this is taking to another level. It’s never nice. It’s never encouraging. He’s just an unhappy baby in pain the majority of the time.

OP posts:

yoohooitsme · 12/09/2018 09:05

Parenting a new baby is a series of phases IME so yes you will move on from this.

As his mother he just needs you to be calm and logical and comforting.

Accept that he is struggling and support him through it - as best you can which it sounds like you are doing.

He won’t remember but you will be building the bonds between the two of you and he will know and understand you care and are on his side always.

It is exhausting but you will both move into another phase for certain as he will grow his body will change and you and his doctors will learn what helps him.

Know that you are doing a great job honestly!

EgremontRusset · 12/09/2018 09:06

The whole newborn stage was shit so far as I was concerned.
Then he started to crawl at 7 months and it suddenly became great because he could do stuff he wanted.

SnuggyBuggy · 12/09/2018 09:10

It wasn't until mine started to smile regularly that I felt better. I was convinced she hated me before that point.

thingybobwotsit · 12/09/2018 09:22

All my sympathy @Olivia1987. My little boy was very colicky and suffered from reflux and it was horrendous so I know a little bit of how you feel.

Have you tried propping his cot up so he's on an angle? I think you could pop a reflux wedge under his changing mat too

For bathtime, someone I know swore by the tummy rub, held them in a more upright position.

Do you babywear at all? Popping mine in the sling kept him upright, seemed to comfort him and helped him sleep in the day and gave me my hands back.

I was breastfeeding and cut out dairy which did seem to help a bit. Could you try that or speak to GP about trialling one of the dairy-free formulas to see if it made a difference?

From the other side I can tell you it does get better. Mine is 7 months now - he's a terrible sleeper but is so much happier these days and we really get the opportunity to enjoy him now! I know it's frustrating when you feel there's nothing you can do but time will make such a difference and in the meantime your cuddles are comforting him even if he still seems unsettled

Original poster

Olivia1987 · 12/09/2018 09:50

@SnuggleBuggy I’m the same. I don’t think he likes me that much. I’m the monster who makes him cry by burping him and bathing him. He hasn’t smiled yet and the doctor told me to bring him back if he hadn’t socially smiled by the time he was 9 weeks. There’s just too many things to worry about.

I wanted to enjoy all the stages because I only want the one baby but I’ve hated every second of it since he was 2 weeks old.
Yeh I’ve got him on an angle in his Moses basket i have tried with the changing mat he was still sick plus he just slid to the bottom lol.

I feel like the reason he’s so unhappy is because I can’t make him better. He doesn’t like cuddling. I try and distract him when his wind gets really bad if I can but I feel like he hates me touching him. He doesn’t like anything.

OP posts:

TheAshP · 13/09/2018 07:30

Sounds like you have postnatal depression to me. Go see your GP and explain how you feel. It's perfectly alright to not be coping. Having a child is a massive step and something you can never fully prepare for. Please get help and I hope you feel better soon x

sandgrown · 13/09/2018 07:42

Oh OP sorry you are not enjoying baby. I had the same with my first child and ended up suffering with PND. Have you anybody like your mum who could take him for a few hours to give you a break. Don't feel guilty for asking for help. A new baby is hard work. It will get better OP. I found gripe water helped with wind but not sure if it is recommended now.

cherrypiemay16 · 13/09/2018 07:50

Definitely push to try ranitidine or omeprazole if the gaviscon hasn't helped. It's really so common, they can't manage their wind at all. Having been there 2 years ago I can absolutely promise you that you'll remember lots of happy things about this time, the endless crying somehow erases from your memory (which is why people have more babies!). Don't beat yourself up, he loves you, it's so tough. Agree with others, see the GP and get checked for PND. Don't worry, it'll get better xx

SnuggyBuggy · 13/09/2018 07:55

I agree with seeing the doctor and I really hope things get better soon. I found 10 weeks to be a bit of a turning point in that I got more consistent smiles and she sometimes enjoyed being put in her bouncy seat or playmat.

If I had another baby I think I would mark off the first 10 weeks in a calendar and count them off.

QueenOfMyWorld · 13/09/2018 08:01

We gave our formula fed ds comfort milk which can help reflux,it helped us.

Fatted · 13/09/2018 08:05

My eldest was like this up until about 16 weeks.

Really push the GP to prescribe ranitadine for your son. It was a life changer for mine.

If you haven't already get a dummy. Keep him upright as much as physically possible.

Stay strong. I've been in your shoes and it's horrible but it does get better.

FTMF30 · 13/09/2018 10:08

Haven't read all the replies but additional things you could try for the wind:
Probiotics - Not those shit yoghurt types but a supplement. They have baby versions which you can give direct to the baby or take yourself. My baby has silent reflux and terrible gas. Not to be a drama queen but I felt it was ruining my life. There was no let up, but the probiotics have really helped. Give it 3-4 days though. Link of the one I use below:
www.superdrug.com/Optibac/Optibac-Probiotics-for-Babies-&-Children-10-Sachets/p/914664?gclid=CjwKCAjwlejcBRAdEiwAAbj6KaOoRCyhNV8jaq395lcrsa9UNwlFKJiqqMZA6M0P-XOcefLCX4sB-RoCxWwQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&dclid=CPayoMzMt90CFcUTGwodnNwCJQ

Loosen the nappy - So previously I'd been puttng my LO's nappy on pretty snuggly as I hated nappy explosions. However, I did realise one day perhaps I was doing it too tightly. Since putting it on a little looser, he seems a lot less irratible.. . and I've only had one nappy leak, which is actually less than before.My midwife also recommended giving him at least 5-10min a day without his nappy on. Just place him on top of a thick towel and let him 'air out'.

Dummy I think someone already mentioned a dummy but t's been a serious sanity saver for me. I was not keen on using a dummy as I used to think it was a lazy way to shut babies up, but it does actually soothe refluxers alot. It's something to do with the excess saliva produced from sucking. You might have to give it a few tries. My very irritable DS rejected it a few times but now loves it. I only give it to him at night time or when we're out and I plan to wean him off at 5months, but while he has his tummy problems, it's a big pain reliever for him.

I seriously understand how you feel. Reflux and gas are the devils work! Like you, I felt the newborn stage was ruined for me. What's worse is that I have a friend who's baby is just days younger and he is so happy and content, it's made me weep. But my LO is now 3months and I'm beginning to see the light. Hang in there mama. It's a tough slog but YOU WILL get there.

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