Leaving 10 month old for the first time. Not sure I can do it, am I over reacting?

[darkgrn]

Hi, a bit of sensible advice would be much appreciated! Not sure if I'm being crazy or not (DH seems to think I am).
Currently on holiday with in laws (in another country). FIL, MIL, DH, myself and 10 month old DC.
I had thought it would be nice to go out for lunch, just DH and myself. I have left baby with DH for a few hours no problem but never with anyone else.
DS is quite a high needs baby in some ways. He loves his mum and dad and is a bit clingy. He's teething again and I'm worried he would miss us too much.
MIL was trying to make me go out in the evening and makes it clear she thinks I'm being ridiculous.
No idea why she wants us to go out in the evening it made me so annoyed. I tried to explain that DS needs me in the evening.

He has been EBF from broth but recently has a few bottles of formula here and there. But he is and always has been a terrible sleeper. He wakes within an hour of going down to bed and has another bf to sleep. Then continues to wake, anywhere between 4-8 times a night to bf back to sleep. He resettled with bf very easily but if I'm not there he gets really upset and I can't bare the thought of him crying.

Also, I'm not 100% sure that MIL would call us if DS was upset. We would only be about 10/20 mins away but I worry she wouldn't tell us which would break my heart.

Anyway, sorry for massive post, I've probably put anyone off replying now!

AIBU to not want to leave him and to be annoyed at MIL's suggestion?

I would've jumped at the chance personally, I've never understood this mentality of never leaving your kids with anyone. Every mother in law has actually been a mother!

Don't be bullied into it. If you don't feel comfortable then don't go. I wouldn't leave my baby so young but I guess that makes me a "martyr"
People have different ways of parenting, it doesn't make another way wrong, do what works for you.

My short answer is if you don't want to go, then just don't go.

You sound just like me when mine was that age and we were introducing him to the childminders.
Your DS sounds just like mine too.

We are all different, and your family should be understanding of this.

I would suggest leaving him whilst You go for a coffee or something instead. Maybe half hour to an hour?

First settling session at childminders I went for a coffee for 45 mins and sat myself directly opposite the entrance to the cafe do everyone could see me as they came in and I wouldn't cry

Next time I left him for 2 hrs and whilst it was hard, it did get easier quickly after that.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
It's totally up to you

Lunch would be fine for me, but we wouldn't go out in the evening together yet and our youngest is over 2 years. They are only little for a short time, I think nights are very different to a couple of hours in the day, and it's much nicer left to an age where they get actually excited by the idea of being with a grandparent at night (which was at about 3 years for our eldest). All children are very different, if you don't feel happy about it then seriously don't do it. Some of the previous posters are being pretty bloody harsh imo.

Not always Buster, my DH was about 2 1/2 when he was adopted by my MIL, she'd have no clue what to do with a baby.

You are being a bit ridiculous, but most parents are at this stage.

I'm away with DH just now for two night while MIL looks after our one year old and three year old. This time we sent clothes and said 'have a lovely time and call us if you need to'. We did the same trip nine months ago when DS2 was 10 months old and I left reams and reams of (written!) instructions on what to do, his routine, likes and dislikes etc. I cringe now thinking about it, my MIL has raised FOUR children of her own! But I was being a cautious and overprotective mum of a baby and that's fine I think.

FWIW I loved that mini break and it was really good for DH and I, MIL was fine and so were the kids.

Go out, trust her and enjoy a break. You deserve one.

Oh, Buster mine hasn't either. Ditched her only at her parents as a newborn and periodically came to visited as and when suited. He has only started to call her mum in the last few years.

Okay, so not all mil but some mother in laws. I'd still have jumped at the chance. I never get any time alone with my husband and would love a bit of child free time!

I think you should go, OP, but you have my sympathy.

I have an 11 month old DS who is a very high needs baby. Screams and screams if he is left with anyone who isn't me, DH or my mum. If I have friends/relatives round and they say leave him with me, you go get a shower, lie down, make yourself a cuppa etc, it just stresses me out more because I know I will come back to a screaming, hysterical baby (and stressed out friend!). And it's not like these people are complete strangers either, it's folk like my dad and sister who he sees once a week.

So I get it, but I also get how hard it is never to get a break. I say go for a few hours, I'm sure your DS will be fine. And FWIW I don't think you're being a martyr or self indulgent. When you're knackered and stressed it's so much easier to stick with what you know in case change makes things harder. Easier, but not always for the best. Need to keep reminding myself of that.

You’re lucky you even have the choice to be so self indulgent - I was back at work when my baby was four months old!
Honestly, OP, you’re making a big deal out of a very minor thing. Go and have a nice time with your DH and stop fretting. You need to reclaim yourself as a person beyond just 24/7 motherhood at some point.
And your MIL is the baby’s granny, not some random child batterer - why do you think she’d be incapable of looking after her own grandchild?

I’m more than happy to leave my kids (age 3 and 11m) at any chance (sadly not that many), but I did turn down the opportunity recently to leave them overnight with my parents. They would’ve been fine, but I’d feel bad as the baby isn’t the best sleeper and my parents aren’t used to the disturbed nights and then the active days with them both.

If evenings are an issue then don’t go out then, but definitely do lunch! Maybe if lunch goes well then you might feel better about dinner.

Thanks so much for all the replies! I read everyone and have only just had time to write back.
We went out for lunch and it was lovely (all your replies helped me make the decision and stop worrying. Realised I was being a bit ridiculous). DS was fine according to PIL, apparently a little bit of crying but easily distracted and not for long. And we had such a nice lunch.

I don't agree that worrying about leaving your little baby for the first time is 'self indulgent'. What an odd thing think.

I am a mother, so not sure what that comment meant either. However, I did like the point about thinking I'm the only one who can comfort him. Good point and that is how I've felt, which is restrictive. I do believe that the mother is the best person to comfort a young baby, especially if they are breastfed, but not so much at 10 months.

@thelionsden I'm so sorry that's horrible! What a horrible person!

I'm lucky in that my MIL is a lovely woman and doting grandmother so I wasn't worried about it in that sense

@Jent13c thank you so much for your post, you have given a very sleep deprived mother hope! I have had a lot of pressure to let him CIO but I just can't and it's nice to hear it gets better

This is your child so dont do it if you dont want to. MIL shouldnt be pressuring you.
But personally I do think you are overreacting a little yes. If you really cannot bear it then dont do it but if I were you id give going out for lunch a go. 10 months is a reasonable age to leave a child on its own with its grandparents it knows for a couple of hours.
Your baby will be absolutely fine.
It may also be good for them. It is quite important that your child forms some bonds with other family members and does get used to being looked after by other people sometimes. What would you do in an emergency if your child is utterly terrified of being looked after by other people because he has never experienced it?

Your MIL should not put pressure on you but I think perhaps you should give it a go for a couple of hours. Its a good time to try that out when you are on holiday and can loiter nearby.

sorry just saw your update!!
So pleased you did try it and it went well!

I have had a lot of pressure to let him CIO

Likewise, and this is despite DD being a ridiculously easy baby for the first 5 months, rough patch from 5 to 7 months, and now back to a 3 hour block, a 5-6 hours block and then broken sleep till 7 or 8am. But we bedshare/ feed to sleep (EBF). So I would have issues leaving her with my DM or MIL at bedtime, partly as they would not be able to feed her to sleep, and partly as I don't trust my DM not to apply CIO to my DD when I'm not there.

However, I am more than happy to leave DD for a few hours during the day, and am hoping to leave her for longer with my DM in the next few weeks, as DD is now happy taking expressed BM from a bottle.

OP, work on building up the time you leave him during the day, and stick to your decision to always be back with him by bedtime, that is not indulgent, crazy or over reacting.