Help - is 2 children almost always better than 1 child?

[VFeist]

My ds is nearly four and I would love to have another child for his sake but don't have the the same burning desire to have one as the first time round (although I am starting to want one a little bit...).
I feel pressure from dh who wants another very much. Also feel pressure from ds.......
I am frightened that I would be overwhelmed with dealing with two full time. Other people seem to cope so well but I wonder whether my relationship can take the strain. Any one else hesitated about having more than one? I feel as if I might regret it later if I don't at least try. Is it almost always better to have two than one?

Not sure about this one, as a a mother of three!! I always knew I wanted more than one (as much for ds1 as anyone else), but I fell pregnant before I was ready and that was hard looking back - the feelings weren't the same as my first pregnancy. Having said that and dd is now four, I would never want to change things - she is totally different from ds1 and makes me laugh, makes me cross, runs me through every emotion imaginable and I adore her. Knowing all this made us want another one and ds2 arrived in January - this time I was ready and although the first six months were difficult due to a number of physical problems, we have loved and are loving every minute! You are the only person who knows what's right for you and between you and your dh you will work out what is right for your family. Siblings IMO are important, but not so much so that not having any will be detrimental to your ds's life. I think there are some people on here who are only children who will be able to reassure you and tell you all the advantages of being an only child. Sorry, I'm garbling, but didn't want to ignore your post.

I sometimes find it easier having two than one. For example, if one of them is at school and the other one is at home, I have to spend a lot of time with her, whereas when they are both there, they entertain each other (with lots of fights as well) and I can get on with doing other stuff.

Don't forget that by the time the new one is born, your DS will be at school, so you won't really have two full time, except in school holidays

Thanks Meanbean and Aero, your posts are really helpful food for thought. I'm actually really torn, coming from a big family myself and I am crazy about children, particularly my ds. Also I'm scared I'll regret it if I don't try for another. It's just that I was so sure about wanting my first and wasn't expecting him to fulfill my maternal instincts so completely. But maybe things are starting to change - I'll keep you posted.

Thanks Meanbean and Aero, your posts are really helpful food for thought. I'm actually really torn, coming from a big family myself and I am crazy about children, particularly my ds. Also I'm scared I'll regret it if I don't try for another. It's just that I was so sure about wanting my first and wasn't expecting him to fulfill my maternal instincts so completely. But maybe things are starting to change - I'll keep you posted.

VFeist - there are quite a few threads on this if you do a trawel through and also one specifically about the pros and cons of only children.

Vfeist, I have three lovely children and wd not change it. BUT please don't have no 2 to please other people; I'd guess as mummy you are going to do the lion's share of the work (it's true, let's face it) so please want the baby yourself. I firmly believe we are wrong to do what's expected of us by others. Basically you are supposed to have two, a boy and a girl, and stop there! Well I didn't conform adn why should you, if you are not sure? FWIW I actually found moving from 2 to 3 easier than 1 to 2! If your DS is 4, you will have got rid of nappies, pushchair etc so it may be a big step to bring them back (don't know this myself as have had all that baby stuff in the house for 5 yrs now!) - worth considering how you would feel about this. Good luck whatever you decide.