My 14 year old son tried ecstasy now I'm terrified

[Rey84]

Hi, my normal sensible and intelligent 14 y/o son got drunk last weekend after asking to stay at friends house. We have never had an issue with his behaviour before or cause to mistrust him or his friends.
We had a call at 3am to say he was drunk and passed out so off we went to fetch him. What a state! Covered in vomit and completely out of it. After staying up all night with him making sure he was okay he sobered up and started talking. He admitted drinking and also trying cannabis for the first time! He then owned up to taking a tablet which he thinks was ecstasy. He broke down at this point saying he was so ashamed and doesn't know why he did it and he was sorry for letting us down. I asked if he wanted to do it again and he said no way it was an awful experience. My husband and I have re-explained the dangers of drugs and also alcohol, and made it clear that it is not acceptable for him to be doing these things. we have asked 14y/o to not hang around with this particular group of friends anymore, he said he won't as in his words they are not good for him. We have told him that he is grounded for breaking our trust and will remain so until we feel he can be trusted again. My son has accepted this and doesn't feel it is unjust. There has been no change in his attitude or behaviour, he is doing well at school and has been happy to spend time with us as a family. I'm not sure if we handled this right by any means but I am so worried now for his future after this, is it just a daft mistake? Will he do it again? I'm so shocked and upset by the whole thing. Any advice is welcome.

He’s made a mistake and been honest about it. He’s given himself a scare so hopefully won’t do this again soon. I think your job now is to be supportive of him trying to make new friends. I’m not sure I would have used an indefinite grounding. How will you judge whether he is “trustworthy” again?

Who on earth was supervising them!?

I’d be having very strong words or involving the police about this.

It seems all the parents were lied to on this occasion. I thought about the police and conversations have been had with parents of other kids involved and some I have to say have a blase attitude to it all! Instead of involving the police we made the dangers and consequences of drug taking clear including getting the police involved. Like I said, we have been totally shocked by the whole thing.
As for being trustworthy, well I am unsure about that too. What would you suggest Is more an appropriate time frame for grounding?

I think both you and your seemingly lovely son have handled this very well.

Op it sounds like you have a good boy, who made a dangerous mistake. He has admitted what happened and seems to have given himself a fright. Sounds like on the whole you have done a good job, and in thus scenario, handled it well.
Definitely given me some ideas for dealing with my son in years to come.
I think it would probably be dependant on previous groundings length for what "crime" lol I think it needs to be the longer end of the scale .

For ecstasy at 14 he'd be grounded for at least 3 weeks. I was 13 when caught drinking alcohol and grounded for a month

I think you've played it exactly right.

He''s given himself a huge shock, and will actually welcome you putting in place a few boundaries right now. I'd keep the grounding in place.

I'd definitely be involving the police.

You'll feel awful when the person that sold them the tablets kills the next child they sell to.

Someone has dealt ectstasy to 14 year old children and the parents were OK with this? It kills lots of youngsters and of course the police should be involved.

People raging about photos on Facebook but the opinion seems to be it’s ok he’s learned. We need to get the people dealing drugs (which may or may not be ectstasy) out of circulation. He was lucky but lots aren’t. They die.

You know what, if he had a horrible experience, and is doing fine and otherwise happy, I think he's not likely to do it again anyway. I agree he's sounds like a good boy who made an error. My brother got sick-drunk once and never got that drunk again - it does put one off. I think the best thing is to trust he's learned his lesson and keep him feeling he can be open with you.