How on earth do you work when you have children?

[MacNcheese87]

I really want to get back into work, specifically, I would like to do some studying first and then work, but I'm at a loss how this can ever be possible.

I have 3 children, 11, 9 and 1. My husband works shifts, although only day shifts, we don't have any fixed days, he works weekends sometimes too.

The older two go to school, different schools in different areas and they both have SEN.

In theory, I can study for 2 years from home and then join a full time course for 3 years, then work. But who will get the children ready for school? Who will pick them up and have them after school? How do you arrange care for older children with SEN?

My husband has offered to give up work for the 3 years of study and swap places with me; so he'd be their primary Carer and I would be free to work/study whenever. But what's to say the childcare isn't an issue in 5 years time too? Ideally, we wouldn't want OH to give up work as we would be relying on the state for 3 years which doesn't make sense.

There are no family around, either his or mine and we don't know anyone in our area as we have not long moved.

Seriously, shall I just give up and be housebound until they're all old enough to self sustain? I'd be in my mid forties when the youngest starts secondary.

What do you do?

That sounds really tough. To be honest I don't think shift work sounds compatible with your plans unless you can wait until the youngest is one and put them into preschool.

My DH works days and is at uni two weekends a month. I work evenings and have the boys during the day

If you want to get back to work for the sake of it then why not look for something that would fit around school hours for now and put the studying off until such time as it’s more feasible. Or if dh is willing to give up work entirely could he look for another job that was more regular hours?

Sounds tough op

Mine are in nursery/breakfast/after-school clubs on days I work. Expensive, but could you be eligible for some sort of student funding? Not sure how much extra care your SEN DC need though, most childcare settings have an inclusive approach but depends on their needs.
For the next couple of years if you study from home you should be able to work around your dh's shifts and in a couple of years you will get nursery funded hours and the older DC will be a couple of years older .

You could look for a job that includes training or working towards a qualification.

I have similar age children and wanted to get back into work after being a sahm for over 10 years. My dh works various shift patterns so he requested flexible working to adjust start and finish times for certain shift so he could do pick ups. I found a childminder that was open early. When I first thought about going back to work it seemed impossible. But it is doable and it's been much much easier than I expected and I wish I had done it years ago. One of my dc has a serious medical condition so that was what kept me at home for so long but it has worked out well so far.

It can be done and can work well if you can find good childcare. For the next 3 years my wages will be wiped out with childcare costs but then I will have a qualification and less childcare cost so it will be worthwhile. Try looking for a job with training and progression and skip the years of studying in university/college.

Good luck op. I know how hard this stage is when you really want something for you but it seems so unreachable.

I think when one person's job is awkward (shifts, variable location, etc) then the other ends up taking the slack so to speak.

Op, you are looking at this as a I can't do it and these are the reasons.

Until you change that frame of mind to I want to do this, so this is how we will do it then you will come across all sorts of barriers.

We have no family near by. 3 kids in school/childcare. Both work, him long hours so I do the drop offs and pick ups. We pay for wrap around care, we have sourced flexible childcare (struck lucky currently after years of less flexible options), my job has now become more flexible to allow me to work around life but in the earlier childcare years it was fixed. It's crap whilst they are young but you have to just suck it up and survive until they get that bit more independent. My career has stalled a bit but I'm currently doing distance learning uni course in my own time to develop this further.

Looking at uni, they are used to accommodating childcare needs so the right course will timetable term time hours etc.

For the period when you'd be studying full-time, could you or your husband get the older children ready early and send them to a breakfast club and then after-school club until either of you gets home? If mainstream ones wouldn't be suitable due to their SEN, maybe you could ask your children's schools if they know of any suitable places? The younger one might be eligible for 15 or 30 hours free childcare by then, depending on his/her birthday and your financial circumstances, though you'd still have to pay for any extra. Tax credits might help, ask at Citizens' Advice Bureau?

I work from home part-time in the evenings and at weekends when my husband is home. If you could basically shove the children at him at every opportunity, the two years part-time from home might be possible, assuming it IS part-time. It's not great regarding family time and couple time, and if my younger one refuses to go to sleep when I have work on I end up staying up very late. But it sort of works.

It's got a lot easier since my youngest turned two and I've been able to send him to nursery a couple of mornings a week. His nursery is from age two only, it's term time only, and the hours are only 9am-3pm with no opportunity for a nap, but it's half the price of the full time ones that take babies, and he loves it. And it's free for 15 hours now that he's three. Some children get their free hours from age two, depending on benefits etc.

If you have a similar nursery near you, and could wait a year to start the two-year element of your course, that should help a lot.

Don't expect to get any home study done while the kids (at least the youngest) are around and awake. You may be able to distract them for short periods with telly/iPads, but save that for emergency deadlines!

Good luck!