So fed up with being used

[roxyro]

I'm a mother of 3 grown up sons. Since they've moved out and moved in with their partners I've been pushed out and just used as and when it suits them. I get to see babies, have them overnight, love them and then as soon as I don't do something or stick up for myself they're taken away. Eldest son has made contact again and new baby born late May. Things are back on track but basically the kids and his partner just see me as a cash cow ie I've bought two of them new shoes and the eldest was 14 last month and decided she wanted to see me ( I knew it was just for the gifts) took her into town and she chose almost £100 of stuff and haven't seen her since. No doubt she'll get another urge to spend time with me again near Christmas. The pair of shoes I bought for my grandson (6) disappeared after a week and DIL just said "oh he left them at my sister's" and he was wearing some kind of plastic sliders on his feet. I've just had an operation on my knee and there's no concern or help offered (I live on my own), I very rarely get birthday cards or Mother's Day cards. I am generous and love to see the kids but sometimes it can be a bit much but I'm just treated like shit basically. The other DIL and her mother are jealous maniacs and were very spiteful to me - that son was aware and did try to put his foot down but it was causing problems in his relationship so I've given up altogether there. My youngest son is gay and has always been very good but I was heartbroken when he came out, although I didn't show it, because I was looking forward to him having his family and being treated normally by at least one son.

Incidentally, before you start to think I must be the baddie really, everyone in my life, old friends etc are appalled by the way I'm treated. They've seen it all over the years and to make matters worse, I've had a difficult life and I'm only able to provide the things I do as I was awarded some compensation after a serious accident. I'm not wealthy by any means but I now have security financially.

I don't even know what I'm asking for here. Just getting it off my chest I think.

I think your rather easily offended, if you don't like an opinion you can always ignore it. If you gs has blisters, fine buy some shoes without asking the parents, but cheap and cheerful, no need to spend a fortune then complain that they don't use them. I can imagine you telling them rather harshly why you bought the shoes, if that's the case perhaps you could soften your approach in future?

I felt sympathy for the OP until her responses to Wolfiefan.

OP, you've been snappy, condescending, rude (about the degree) and judgmental all in the space of a few posts.

Maybe take some time to reflect on if these qualities may have bled into your real life dealings with your family, instead of staring behind your keyboard?

I think you should arrange experiences to do with the older ones that don't revolve around material things. Days out where you can build those relationships and learn about each other.

I would never have seen my grandparents as a cash cow and loved spending time with them. Every now and then they'd treat me to a skirt from C&A though!

This will be my final post on here. I am thankful that someone pointed me in the direction of gransnet and I have sat and read through a lot of threads and it's glaringly obvious that it's the place for me. Their views are stated politely and without rudeness, even if someone disagrees it isn't done in a nasty domineering fashion a la Mumsnet. Nobody jumps in and starts throwing accusations about. I had heard about Mumsnetters but thought it couldn't be so bad but I was wrong. I dare say there are many good helpful mums on here but I believe many are young, self centred and rude. I have read threads on here where other women are being called liars, cs, dicks and fing this, that and the other for no other reason than they have posted something and some idiot sat at a keyboard somewhere feels she can start abusing her. I suppose a lot of women on here are the type that live on social media and have bullied other girls at school and as teenagers because that's the impression I'm left with after my short foray into this place. As for Wolfiefan she leapt into the fray and told me to keep my nose out, ask permission to buy my grandchild shoes and to stop criticising. She can do one. I've met the type so many times - over indulged and in turn over indulge their screaming brats and couldn't care less how many people they're intruding on whilst they're probably sat at a keyboard chatting shit on here. As it is, I treat people the way they treat me. I called her out for her vileness and she and others didn't like it. Do I care? Do I fuck

Doesn’t really matter if you sugar it up or use Star to blank out some letters, you still fucking swearing.

Been along time but isn’t Gransnet still part of mumsnet? Just that I remember when issue with mumsnet was advised to use that.

You just never know when post paths shall meet again 😂

I'd never treat my mum like that. She lives on her own too and has had recent health problems. I pop in and see her at least once a week

Stop buying them things. If they decide not to see you then so be it. It's awful the way you've been treated but live your life for you not for your kids, you've done your part, they're grown up and have their own lives there's nothing more you can do. Spend your money on a holiday!