Childcare, returning to work. What to do?

[Merrz]

Baby #1 due in January so got a while to think about this but looking for your opinions. I work for my small family business so fortunate that my work situation is very flexible, however it does mean that although i can delegate some of my day-to-day work, i'm the only person within the business who would be able to carry out some of the duties so i will need to be in and out of the office from baby being around 1 month old. My initial plan is just to pop in and out as much as i need to, to keep on top of things and do this whenever suits baby for naps etc. or leave baby with grandparents (i'm speaking maybe 1-2 hours, couple times a week) However from around 6 months i would like to get a bit more structure to it. I'm also very lucky that we live near both our family's so do have babysitter options, DM, MIL and SIL have all very kindly offered to have baby a day (or half day) per week. However do you think this is a bit confusing for baby being passed around everyone and would it be a pain having to take everything with me each day if going somewhere different all the time? The other option is nursery? If we go down the nursery route do we put baby in nursery the whole time or couple days nursery, 1 day mil for example?? I'm confident i could get everything done on around 14 hours/week but i have the option to work as much or little as i want really. So if people were in my fortunate situation, where would you put baby, how many hours/week would you ideally work? Would it be better to do say 2 full days or 4 half days? Like i say work wise i can really work it however suits and although obviously family babysitting would be cheaper than nursery, we're also fortunate that money isn't really a worry. Sorry for the long post!

I’d use Nursery for 2 full days then family for other ad hoc babysitting, nights out etc.

Thanks welshweasel that was my other thought, i would probably feel bad asking family to babysit for other things, nights out etc if they were looking after baby while i was at work.

I've always done nursery 2 full days, DM 1 day. That works quite well.

I think 3 days but not particularly long hours would be good. 9-3 or 9-4.

This is very personal to the factors involved so it’s hard to advise!

I would go with what you feel most comfortable with at the time.

Research and visit local nurseries so you can get a feel for the settings and if you like any.

Your baby will be individual so you might think would benefit from a nursery setting or care from family.

See who you like the attitude of (family wise) when the baby comes. Some people just have a different approach to you and you might not want to leave your baby with them! Not harmful just different to your approach!

I do a mix of nursery, MIL, me and DH. I did used to worry that it was a bit inconsistant and the routines were different but as they get bigger it doesn’t matter so much!

You are in a great position to really tailor it all around your baby and what suits them which is fab.

Congratulations! :)

Thanks for the replys

In the office from one month? Not gonna happen love

I was in the office and working from when mine was about a month. You don’t always have a choice when you’re self-employed. I used to take the baby with me!

I was doing longer stints of about 4/5 hours from when he was 6 months and we used his grandparents and then a childminder from about 9 months.

He never settled with the childminder and literally just cried the whole time. She said she couldn’t look after him anymore so we’ve now had to split childcare between us and just not work at the same time. I’m very lucky that this is an option - just be aware that it might not work how you planned!

Thanks @lambdroid i guess i'll just need to see how it works out.
Yes afraid it's not really an option for some just to forget about work for 9 months, baby will just have to come with me initially and we'll just need to work it around what works for baby and me.

I wouldn't worry about the passing around to be honest. I had to go 100 miles away for an operation when my LG was 4 months old and she spent time with just about everyone I know. Then I spent 6 months on crutches so had people with us together everyday. I honestly think it has shaped her in a way. She is so confident in spending time away from me. Starting nursery was a breeze. And she started school this week and was very happy to be going in. No tears and she loved every minute. Think of it as it takes a village.

We managed! He’s 14 months now and still comes to work with us a fair amount. Sometimes it’s not ideal, but it’s ok.

If you can fit work around your family, it can work out really well. Good luck!

I have four - ages 9,7, and twins age 5. My husband and I own a business so I was in a position where I would have to deal with some personal accounts as well as wanting to be there for certain meetings.

We sent the first and second to Nursery for 2 fulls days, and I worked from home the rest. When the twins were born I had four at home for a year, and 3 at home for two years - for those three years the kids not at school went to Nursery for three full days and the twins went back to two days when my second oldest started school.

Is there any way you can do some of the work from home? Or when needed in the office take the baby in for a couple of hours?

Honestly it will all work out, its just finding the work/baby balance and babies/kids are really adaptable. :)

I would just see how it goes and decide what feels right at the time. I’m on mat leave with my second now and have been back doing some work most days since he was 8 weeks old. I’m an academic so I have commitments that I’m expected to keep whether I’m taking leave or not that only I can deal with. So I’ve been doing that while he naps or when he’s happily playing or before he gets up in the morning/after bedtime. He’s 6 months now.

I will say that at only 1 month it might be a lot to ask. You will likely need more time to recover than that. Even with a really easy baby (my first wasn’t so easy), it took me two months to cope with doing a bit of work. After that though just see what works.

Depending on the nature of your business, you may very well get away with taking baby with you. I’ve never used childcare (nursery here won’t take them til 9 months and we have no family help), but emails and admin I can get done while he plays on the floor next to me. More cognitively challenging stuff, I do while he naps or my dh will take him outside to play when he’s home. My dh runs a business that involves retail sales. When we’re at an event trading, he hangs out in the pushchair or we make him an area to play on the floor next to us. It works really well until they are mobile (then it’s a bit more tricky).

In terms of childcare, whatever you do I would try to keep it consistent. I wouldn’t use someone different each day. So if it’s only two days a week, I’d keep it the same or maybe 2 mornings at nursery and one at grandparents but try to be consistent with it every week, so baby can settle. You’ll know though when the time comes what feels right.

Between 6 and 12 months I’d say use family only as baby will be quite small for nursery and won’t be old enough to get too confused about being with different family members on different days. Plus not such hard work for the family before a/he is properly mobile.
Then use nursery from 12 months which is a very common time to start as so many take a year’s maternity leave, so lots of other babies same age and more structured activities and safe space to get in his or her feet.

Hi - firstly congratulations! My two are 13 and 10 now. I had to return to work full time when my first was 7 months old. I was gutted as it was not what I had planned. He went into a nursery full time and to be honest, it was absolutely fine. I've relied on family to care for my children in holidays and I can tell you that it can be very frustrating as family won't necessarily always be able to provide the care they say they will. Lots of things will get in the way of it, such as other commitments, emergencies, ill health. So I'd recommend looking at the nursery option for at least some of it. Also, going back after a month - this will be tough, but it's doable, but you will need to be super super organised with laundry / shopping / cooking / cleaning. you can plan most of that before baby comes along, but be prepared to feel tired and emotional and be prepared to have a plan b in place incase you feel you need a bit more time. I had a friend who is a self employed hairdresser. She took 6 weeks off, and then saw her regular clients, and took the baby with her. She really struggled as it was just too much for her. We all chipped in to help her out and she got through it eventually. Good luck, I hope it all goes well!

I would say nursery for a minimum of twice a week (not necessarily full days) as then the baby gets a chance to settle properly. Or not at all.
It’s nice if you can have certain days for you and baby eg to go swimming/ singing at library.

One thing not quite clear- you say it’s a family business, does anyone else work in it with you and/or do you have employees? Also, are any of the family who might help with childcare also financially involved in the business? In that they might be quite happy to help out as it goes to the whole family’s bottom line profits?
Finally, how taxing is the work that you’ll be doing- do you need long spans of unlimited concentration/are you having to do new things all the time and deal with unpredictable clients, or is it more a case of doing routine tasks that you are very used to?

Congratulations first of all. I recommend finding a local nursery. We’ve never used family members as childcare providers for a variety of reasons. My best friend babysits sometimes when she can. But she has small children too and a new job at the local hospital too. I have found a local babysitter for my youngest two kids.

I never stopped working (self employed) and it was hard but you do what you have to do. I did cut hours though until 6 months.

You need to consider if you want to breastfeed - my babies were and two of them refused bottles - which would have made full days at childcare very difficult until they started properly weaning. So shorter days might work better to start with so you can at least continue to breastfeed fairly regularly (if that's what you end up doing).

I would say, if you're doing nursery/childminder to go for a minimum of 2 days - the people I know who did 1 day found child never settled properly as it wasn't enough time. Good luck - it will all be fine whatever you end up doing!

@Giantsquid that seems a bit patronising, presumably the OP is doing what will work best for her. My friend's Mum had three children (back in the 80s admittedly when there was much less mat pay but she ran her own business) and was back at work within a few days of having each. Different strokes for different folk.

I am also due in January and planning to go back 2 days a week from 3 months (April). My DH will be able to take parental leave for this for the first 6 months and then after that I think we are going to do 2 days in nursery. I think this will be more straightforward than relying on various family members. They can always be roped in at evenings and weekends for babysitting :-)

Thanks for all the reply's, i am very lucky that i can just wait and see what is going to work best but it's good to hear what other people have done or plan to do. I think i'm leaning towards booking 2 half days/week at nursery initially from around 6 months and see how that goes and can increase it to full days or another half day if need to. That way i also wouldn't feel bad about asking grandparents to step in if i need to nip into work on the odd other day. @ILikeYouToo i do hope to breastfeed so i was wondering how that'll fit in it might be a case of winging it for a bit longer than 6 months, ie just nipping into work as and when i need to for an hour or so until baby can be without me for longer.

Winging it is definitely the best (only) way!

If you are breastfeeding, I'd recommend trying to introduce a bottle quite early on (expressed milk or formula as you prefer) - but keep up to it. I got cocky thinking mine took bottles fine at 6/8/12 weeks, but when I tried again a couple of weeks later, they wouldn't touch it!! I had to do it every day to get them to have it. By 6 months they can always have a sippy cup (if they'll take it)

Like I say it will all be fine, you'll figure it out whatever hurdles the baby throws your way!

Just be aware that depending on sleep patterns, feeding and birth - you may not feel like being in the office after 1 month. You will probably still be bleeding (so sorry if TMI). Just don't put pressure on yourself to be back in a month - your mental health may suffer for it.

I think you could do odds bits of work after a month depending on your baby.
If money is no problem why not go for a nanny for the first year and have grandparents for the odd days.
A nanny will fit in with you and baby. in a nursery baby has to fit in with them .

There are many, many factors that could happen after baby is born so I would only plan VERY loosely for now, and then play it by ear. You have no idea what kind of little human you might get (mine screamed incessantly if I even tried to lower my backside to have just 1 minutes rest, would only nap for 30 minutes at a time, woke every hour to two hours for the first year and a half...I was hallucinating from the exhaustion for the first 3 years), but hopefully you'll get a placid one lol. Congratulations btw!

@Jessie sorry i missed your message. So the business is my dads, it's construction related, we have 15 employees who are out on-site all the time and 3 of us in the office (my dad carries out the organising/day-to-day running, he's half office and half site based, a lady who does reception/wages and myself who does essentially everything else, including Invoices, Pricing/Valuating of jobs, organising training for on-site staff etc.) The reception lady is happy to take on a lot of my day to day tasks but not going to do pricing etc This part of it probably takes up about a day of my week at the moment but it's not particularly brain taxing and is mainly done by e-mails, the odd phone call and occasional site visit. It's this part that i will need to carry on once baby is here but i could have the reception lady do a lot of my donkey work so i could get the rest done in a couple of 1 - 2 hour stints a week! The office set up is very relaxed and for 1 day of the week i'm here myself anyway so i could in theory just take baby with me and have a nursery type set up in the back room. I organise my own work and when it needs to be done so there would be no pressure to have to be in the office at certain days/times. It's just for my own sanity really that i would like to get into some kind of routine from around 6 months,