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Parenting

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Original poster

My DD (aged 9) doesn't want to go on her school residential ..

22 replies

underestimation · 05/09/2018 13:47

Should we force her to go? She gets terribly homesick and the residential is a week away from home (Mon to Fri). She is also having some issues with friends which makes it more difficult. She has done one before and got through it (even had a good time I think in parts) but says she cried every night. I also remember feeling very homesick at the same age so I know well how she feels but I am worried that she will regret it when all her friends come home and that by giving in we are not helping her to face and manage her fears. WWYD?

OP posts:

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halcyondays · 05/09/2018 13:49

If she really doesn't want to go, then I wouldn't make her go.

SloeBerries · 05/09/2018 13:51

It’s a big deal now, but she’ll forget. Make sure she understands it all very well they let her stay if she’s adamant. It’s meant to be fun, not a miserable week

ThanksHunkyJesus · 05/09/2018 13:54

How long have you got to decide? is there anything you could do to help her work on her anxiety before then? I don't think you could force her to go but I think that helping her to see you all the positives might help her. As an aside does she really want to be the only kids in her class that didn't go and therefore has none of the shared experience that everyone talked about for weeks?

Can her teacher or the school offer you any advice on this as it must be a very common occurrence.

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M0reGinPlease · 05/09/2018 13:55

Don't make her go and don't make the staff to have to look after a homesick child.

Standbyyourmammaryglands · 05/09/2018 13:56

Honestly - if she doesn’t want to go I’d leave it. If she gets upset afterwards and regrets not going it may teach her a lesson - or she may not be arsed.

I’m speaking with a dd who is scared to death to try anything new and I literately have to bulldoze her in to trying new things. However being away from home might just be too much as she cried at night last time.

Original poster

underestimation · 05/09/2018 13:56

Ok, I think we will have one more chat about it this afternoon and then make the final decision. I know at the same age I would probably have dreaded something like this. And I'm not still living at home so guess I faced my fears eventually!

OP posts:

Original poster

underestimation · 05/09/2018 13:56

And thanks for responding!

OP posts:

Waterlemon · 05/09/2018 13:59

Did you post about this before?

There was a very similar post where it was actually the OP that didn’t want her DD to go on the school residential.

The DD, DH and MN jury all said OP was being unreasonable and she should let DD go!

freshstart24 · 05/09/2018 14:00

OP it may be worth finding out from the school what she will be required to do if she doesn't attend the trip. She may well still have to attend school and probably within another year group as her teachers will be in the trip.

I just think it will help her to make an informed decision as to what she wants to do.

Unless the trip is very soon I wouldn't make a final decision as yet and I would chat to the school about your concerns upfront.

Pastaagain78 · 05/09/2018 14:00

Nine is still young. If she doesn’t want to go don’t force her. If she regrets it then that is ok and a teachable moment.

NonaGrey · 05/09/2018 14:00

I’m usually one for encouraging kids to “feel the fear and do it anyway” but a week away, at an anxious 9yo with friendship issues?

I’d let her stay home.

CloudPop · 05/09/2018 14:14

A week is a long time for a 9 year old to be away from home.

stupidbloodytuesday · 05/09/2018 17:04

I wouldn't make her go.

mostdays · 05/09/2018 17:05

Doesn't want to go
Gets very homesick
Is having issues with friends at present

I'd say no, don't try and force her to go.

DastardlyAndMuttley · 05/09/2018 17:07

I wouldn't make her go.

Whatthefoxgoingon · 05/09/2018 17:10

A week is quite a long time at that age. 2-3 days and I would’ve pushed her harder but I think given the length of time and her previous experience, it would be cruel to force her.

ShackUp · 05/09/2018 17:13

I used to get homesick at that age. Having read up on sensory processing disorder due to DS1 having sensory issues, I've realised that my over-sensitivity led me to feel emotionally 'unsafe' away from my parents, and being away caused me real anxiety.

I'd leave it until she's older.

Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2018 17:18

I bet a lot of people will tell you she should go but if you really think she won’t enjoy it then I wouldn’t
We “strongly encouraged”DS to go on his in year 4 despite me feeling he wouldn’t enjoy it, he doesn’t get too homesick but he prefers privacy and his own bed. Plus he doesn’t really like out doorsy activities.
He got through it without tears and did everything he was asked to but he really didn’t enjoy it at all and even The Head agreed he proshouidmt have gone

KnotsInMay · 05/09/2018 17:20

If she's done one night before, I'd say 'why not try 2 and then if you want to come home, I will come and get you'.

Strawberrymelon · 05/09/2018 17:37

My ds won't be going on his. I think it is fine not to go.

Perfectly1mperfect · 05/09/2018 17:59

Don't make her go.

At our school they have only had one year with 100% of the kids going in the last few years. The kids that don't go do other things. My son went in year 6 and enjoyed it but I would be very surprised if my daughter goes when she's in year 6.

Original poster

underestimation · 06/09/2018 10:55

Thanks everybody. She's going backwards and forwards on it - during the day more positive but in the evenings/bedtime very tearful. She is caught in that dilemma of knowing all her friends will be going but fearful of missing home. For now I have paid-up and have said that she can change her mind at any point, so essentially postponing the final decision. But I certainly won't force her to do it. Thanks again.

OP posts:

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