My lovely boy is newly 14. Highly anxious and highly intelligent and utterly incapable of "letting it lie". He has a compulsion to argue over anything and everything we as parents question or instruct him on.
He is very polite and never swears or shouts, he is very well behaved and very controlled and led by his routine - which is fine - we try and keep home a safe and predictable space for him.
But - today I am a little stressed (school starts on Wed I am at work tomorrow so i am ensuring everything is ready), I also have raging PMT. Ds is fine a bit twitchy about school but not too worried. So after lunch I go through his clothes. First to check for outgrown clothes and to get rid of any teeshirts with a pattern or buttons as ds sensory issues with clothes have intensified - so I am a bit apalled at the few items ds has left in the acceptable pile - but fine - we can get more plain clothes. Then minor panic when school trousers are missing - but then found in laundry pile - so crisis averted. Then I am getting his school bag sorted - all fine.
Then ds starts fiddling with his bike helmet - his sisters asks ds to pass it to her - ds hurls it at her and it fals on floor. I say sharply "don't throw bike helmets" - because - you know - don't! It then descends into a round of arguemnets ds stating first it didn't happen then arguing that in soe circumstances it will be fine to throw a bike helmet and I am saying no to that. Ds getting agitated and trying to yank helmet of sisters head I tell him to stop that. DS tearfully declaring "I don't know what I have done wrong" - me saying "I was very clear what you did wrong" . Ds getting more agitated and trying to continue to come up with scenarios where throwing a helmet and yanking a helmet of his sisters head while it is fastened are ok... I losing grip on reality and sanity begging ds to go. Ds cannot leave when he thinks someone thinks he has done something wrong so hangs around while I try to get back to equanimity by laughing - but that winds ds up more. He cries I apologise we hug and agree that bike helmets are not thrown ... I age another premature decade ... and breathe.
This is a minor incident but it illustrates the issue as it happens more and more regularly - ds has this blind spot to authority and being told he has done something wrong - he cannot accept it - regularly challenges us and sometimes teachers - generally on factual errors in their teaching. It is exhausting for us for him. I am worried about ds in the wide world where people who don't know and love him will be met with this and he will be in trouble! Which is ultimately what he is trying to avoid - ironically.
I am also worried about my sanity and the breadth of ridiculous arguments I get drawn into. Any survival tips.