to be annoyed about being told when to have another child ?

[louiise98]

hi all, so im a young mum, i became pregnant at 18 and I am now 20 with a one year old, me and my partner have a strong stable relationship and I'm desperate to have another child within quite a close age of my daughter, however my mother, mother in law and family are all very funny about me ever having another child, my mother in law will often go oh no you are never having another one, I couldn't cope, which is a statement I don't really understand and she sees my daughter once a week if that ? My mother isn't against it but she worries about it. But no matter who I talk to they always say no not yet, don't have another, you don't need another, I couldn't cope, I don't know why you would even consider it, negative things like that ? Aibu to not understand why ? It's my life and my partners life, if we both want another child why is it so hard for everyone else to get on board ? Also I live in my own house, support myself and rarely ask for child care, I don't know if I'm just being silly but I'm sick of being told what to do with my uterus !

My MIL is always saying “think of me at birthdays and Christmas!!!!” When I talk about having more kids. Uh... yeah I’m not basing the kids I have on assuaging your self imposed present buying needs.

Oh sod them. My best friend had her first at 20 and her second a couple of years later. It’ll be nice for your DD to have a sibling close together in age and you’re in a solid relationship and supporting yourself. What else is there? Go for it. I was in my mid-30s when I had DD2 and the lack of sleep nearly did me in. At your age I stayed up all night for the hell of it. You’re probably doing it at a better age than me!

They still see you as a child.
Was your daughter an unexpected pregnancy?
If your pregnancy was perceived as a mistake i wonder if they can't shake that mindset .
None of their business
Good luck to you

My daughter was a pill baby, I feel they still view me as a child but no idea why as I have my own household that I run, my own little girl, I literally manage everything myself and only see them at weekends due to work ! I want a baby close in age to give my dd a playmate and also means they can go to school around the same time ! sick of all the negativity surrounding it ! we are ttc right now but I'm petrified of how they'll react if I actually fall pregnant ! X

Don't let their negativity spoil this for you , this is their problem not yours .
It's hard sometimes to realise that people one generation younger are still fully grown competent adults.
When you're older time just flies by so fast, our kids are now parents , I suppose it's a reminder of our own mortality.

It's nobody's business but yours, however you are very young and it wouldn't hurt to wait at least until your little one is at nursery school.

When these discussions are going on don't let them talk to you like that .
Be an adult, challenge their thinking.
You say " oh don't be so silly DM / MIL".
Don't allow them to put you in the role of young girl.

I do always stand up to them in during the conversations by saying it's my life, my child, my body, I always tell them they're being silly and although I understand the reasons for worrying it isn't fair to tell me I can't have another child because it's simply not their decision to make. Also my daughter starts nursery next September so I'm presuming she will probably be in nursery before any potential new arrivals xx

Hi OP, same kind of situation and experience as you! (I'm a few years older) I was 21 when I fell pregnant with my daughter, 22 when I gave birth and my mother made it all about her from day 1.

I am also in a stable relationship and have a mortgage on a 3 bed house which was intentionally purchased so we could have another child but my mother just kept, quite rudely butting in, objecting and making it all about her!

Me and my partner waited until June this year to try for another. (We didn't tell anyone) I'm 24 now and we have just announced the news of our second pregnancy with my family.
At first I had disappointed looks and disapproving comments but it's beginning to settle down now.

There's always going to be people tutting about something, when your a younger mum it's hard with all of the 'helpful' comments thinking they know best.

At first I was worried about their thoughts but now I don't care. It's my life, my new families life and we are very happy and can't wait for our new arrival!

I know in time they would come to accept i and to be fair once I was pregnant there would be nothing they could do about it, but my first pregnancy ovuously with being so young was a stressful time for me and I would just love to have me pregnant be wholly supported instead of disapproved ! If I can give another child a lovely home, lots of love and attention and give my current daughter a sibling why wouldn't I !? Especially if my partner is on board as well, spending a lot of my time worry about how I will tell them xx

If you want another baby go for it! I had my child when I was 22 and wanted my children all together around the same age so they could have play mates and makes it easier for me to get on with a career later on without having to take long breaks. Unfortunately it hasn't happened yet - my Child is now 6.

Nothing's promised - so if you want another child , try for one. You don't have children for other people you have them for yourself. Plus your body is at its prime at that age and it's a lot easier to raise children then! (As long as you're stable which I can see that your are ) 😊

If you can afford the childcare/nursery for two children, are financially independent, and you and your partner are ready, then it's your decision and nobody elses.