Do you sometimes get so jealous of other people's kids?

[Firsttimer16]

We've just been looking after a friends toddler for the weekend and it's made me realise how much harder our toddler is. Theirs is super easy going, she's always cheery, very adaptable, and generally just gets on with whatever you ask her to do. Everything with ours is a constant negotiation and bribery and nothing is ever easy. I'm sure a big part of this is due to parenting styles but I can't work out where we're going wrong. And I hate to admit it but it's made me so jealous how much easier and more fun her child-life is than mine. I love mine to pieces and I hate wishing he was different but god it's been so lovely and enjoyable to spend time with an easy toddler like this - do other people feel like this??

Ha, yes! And since mine were little and other people's seem to do sleeping.

I'm not sure if its all parenting styles, I've twin toddlers and one is just more amenable and easy going than the other, who can find something to whinge about at 20 paces. However when he is in a good mood he is totally hilarious. I find I try to focus on the good bits of each and panic/reassure myself that she'll probably be a nightmare and he'll be in his room writing poetry about disappointing parents.

@NoNoNoOohmaybe that thought has really made me giggle!
Yes mine can be hilarious too when he wants to be - it's just very much his way or the highway, hopefully he'll get better as he grows and can understand a bit more.

Some of it is to do with parenting styles and some of it is to do with the child’s personality.

Children aren’t born blank slates.

We have twins. They are both very well behaved now (at 10yo), but as toddlers one of them was really very hard work. The other was fine as a toddler but pretty hard work at 4yo.

Even at 10yo they are very different in personality.

By all means ask your friends how they manage their child and take tips and advice but there’s no magic bullet.

Mostly you have to set clear boundaries and stick firmly to them, don’t give into tantrums and praise good behaviour. And you have to do this for years.

Some kids are easier than others but a “difficult” toddler can turn into a lovely 10 yo with consistency and elbow grease.

They are all different however, don't forget she probably behaves much differently around her own parents and no doubt she is also a handful at times

Perhaps the toddler you had staying is not as easy going at home with its parents? I once read that toddlers can play up massively for parents as they are their safe place. They can trust that their parents will always be there so don’t keep their behaviours in check as much.

@MaryBoBary I'm sure there's definitely truth in that. I also think mine maybe played up more than usual as there was someone else he had to share all his toys and parents with (he's only child at the moment) so that must've been confusing. Grass is always greener

They behave differently with other people, don't forget that. We have just had my niece to stay (aged 2.5) who is widely regarded as a bit of a nightmare by her parents. She was an angel, an absolute angel. If I didn't know better I would ask to swap with my DS (aged 3). The thing is, when he's been to stay at her house he's really well behaved too!

I do try to tell myself that a strong willed toddler might grow up to be a strong adult who is sure of what they want and stands up for themselves etc etc. This makes me feel a bit better... sometimes...

They always behave differently, usually much better, with others. When my kids are with my parents they (apparently) behave like angels and the moment I walk in the door to pick them up it's like Jekyll and Hyde - my parents always comment on it!

I am trying to instil in them the concept that you have to be just as nice and kind to your immediate family as you would to any other people, related or not. They clearly know how to behave, they just for some reason feel like they don't have to for us. Boundary pushing in a safe space probably, but it's still so tiresome...and the reason why boarding school was invented...

My first son was so easy going, always happy, interested in everything. Second son was stubborn, grumpy, always contrary.

20 years later, our first son is a bit lost and confused; I worry he is depressed and lacking in confidence. Our second son is so happy and positive, hardworking, and extremely affectionate to me.

I am not saying that stubborn, grumpy toddlers always turn into angels, but just that things go in circles, and that an overly determined toddler often seems to turn into a self-reliant and joyful adult.

@mistermagpie yes I also tell myself that! Admittedly although I've known he's not the easiest, it's just been part and parcel of having a toddler - I know most things are phases! It was only this weekend when I realised how straightforward life could be if not every thing had to be a battle!

There is such variation in how much hard work different kids are.

Some cry all the time some sleep all the time.

I think it turns around at different ages though.

My harder toddler/child is an easier teen than my more easy going child.

My toddler, apple of my eye, can be a little bugger for me and it can get me a little down on occasion... because I know he is a little angel for everyone else! Many moons ago I was a nursery teacher and I'd say 70% of any group of parents I ever had would say that their children were nightmares at home and angels for other people. Take it as a compliment OP

and yes, I get jealous of other DC who can talk properly while DS has a bit of a speech delay

Nope because I am yet to meet a toddler that doesn't occasionally act like an utter shitbag. Your friends' kids are probably on best behaviour around you and go utterly feral when they get home. Plus even though my kids can be bonkers and I know they are the best ones in the entire world

Just because this other child is easy now doesn't mean she'll stay that way OP. Easy babies/toddlers can turn into nightmare teens, and difficult babies/toddlers can turn into bright and highly engaged older DC. My two were very different as babies/toddlers (one high maintenance and hard work, the other laid back and easy), and now they're 10 and 7 they're still different and easy/hard work in other ways.

constant negotiation and bribery

Maybe the other family don't do negotiation and bribery and the other child doesn't think there is always a battle to be had?

However, I agree that they come with their own personalities and some are more challenging than others.

No never been jealous of other people's kids nor of much else really, that I can remember. What's the point?

I doubt you would swap your little one for another.

They're so young and have different personalities. You might find each of them quite reverse in a few years :-).

Jealousy eats away at you, not a very pleasant emotion and achieves nothing.

Dd was a terrible baby and so wild as a toddler I remember considering if children could actually be feral.

However she was a dream teen and still charming at almost 20.

Some but not all of her friends (the ones I coveted at the time) have been the opposite...

@Rebecca36 v true there's no point being jealous! Should just see what I can take from their parenting which I could impart and enjoy their uniqueness. Sure I'll feel fine again tomorrow - his behaviour just seemed a lot worse when directly compared in everything we did with a vv easy toddler. I think in the grand scheme he's neither easy nor difficult - just a typical toddler! Just need to keep in mind things change with time.

and Hope desperately my second is one of the easy ones...!

They definitely behave better for strangers/people who aren't their parents. Mine is a little angel at nursery. At home ... Less so.
I also think a strange child coming into your house and 'stealing' your toys and your parents always brings out the worst in a toddler. At least that's what I tell myself when mine kicks off.