Burnt out mum, with lack of support and no breaks.

[Justwondering5]

I'm a stay at home mother of 4, my two youngest are 5 and 2, my 2 eldest are 15+.
Love being mum, but I am burnt out, my husband works 12 hour shifts, and pulls his weight when at home.

The main problem is, my mother and MIL has never offered to help me out with childcare or having time with Grandkids, unless I ask, which I don't unless, it extremely important.

My MIL use to love having one of my youngest until SIL had a child 3 years ago and now she never offeres, or rarely bothers, my 2 year old certainly doesn't get a look in due to Granny constantly busy with SIL child, infact the whole family rally around the child so much you would think he has 3 mum's.
SIL is works a couple of days, and her family baby sit whilst at work.
she has a sitter at the drop of a hat, and her child stays at grannies for days at a time.
Whereas me and hubby get no help, I suffer with certain things mentally and chronic physical pain at times, but still raise my children , without a stranger even knowing my struggle.

Now my in-laws know what I struggle with, but seem uninterested, to even be bothered to ask how I'm doing or see if me and husband would like a few hours to our self.
It is only my 2 youngest that are there family.
I know this hurts my husband but but his attitude is f- em!
The worse thing is we all get along but they don't ever consider us, knowing full well I don't have help from my side, plus my health problems , it's like there so pre occupied with SIL child that they can't see that we would love a little bit of support or one on one time with each other.
We don't ask, as we believe that we don't want to burden any one.
But at the same time believe they would offer if they wanted to spend quality time with our kids.

Just wanted to add that promises to have my youngest every other weekend have been mentioned, way over a year ago, but I take it with a pinch of salt, as we are still waiting!
While SIL child stops every weekend.
I know I should just get over it, but this is proofing hard especially when we see them and they natter on about the golden child and his achievement.
Don't get me wrong I know hubbys family love my children but, the lack of desire to spend quality time with them that was once there is hard to whitness when you see that time not being dustribute equally

Sorry OP I don’t think you can blame them for not giving you a break if you’re not asking then to have your DC. People often and perhaps incorrectly assume that if you’re not directly asking for help, you don’t need it.

I’d just ask then to have the 2 youngest for a cou0e of hours this week and see how that goes. The worst that can happen is they say no.

The other thing you could do is put the youngest to bed and get the older ones to babysit while you go out with DH.

Presumably the 5yo is back to school next week? Could you arrange for someone to take the you arramge for a couple of hours, see how it goes before talking about it being a regular thing.
One on one time is probably a bit less daunting than looking after both you younger children.
Also, if you eldest DCs are both 15+ could they help with a bit of weekend babysitting?

I'm not sure you can change the scenario- it seems to be the case quite often that the MIL chooses to spend more time and attention on her own DDs child/children.
Your home life must be exhausting but it should improve once littlest is a bit older and independent and the older two start work or college. You don't have too long to survive for that to happen. I would try to carve out some time for yourself in the day. Once older ones are st school ask DMIL to watch youngest for a couple of hours through the day. Give yourself a break then to do whatever gives you the best break.

Is your youngest eligible for any free childcare? That might help you get some child free time.