Help me help DH feel better?

[NonJeNeRegretteRien]

So today was a bit of a disaster.

DH was going to look after our 3mo today whilst I went to an appt. she was a bit cranky and overtired, wouldn’t feed by breast or bottle. Although I finally got her to sleep then said goodbye to go to a beauty appt.

When I got home DH bundles to the front door with her and gives her to me (she’s screaming her little head off) and says he’s hated every minute of it. She had woken up soon after me going and pretty much cried the entirety of the time. I told him to go for a walk and get some fresh air. She then had a feed and a very very long sleep with me.

He came in to us a bit later in tears upset that he couldn’t do a better job of looking after his own DD (and be able to give me a break).

His confidence is completely shot and it’s not helped that a lot of the time when she’s looked at him today she’s started crying again. I feel for him but also worry he’s building a bit of resentment towards her for it as I can see him shake his head or roll his eyes.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom here? I’m a bit shattered being the glue...

He's not giving up! He's frustrated and wants to do better, he's being met with resistance.

When you have a child like this the child's reaction is huge!

He’s not giving up

This morning he’s been helping get her to sleep. And we’ve been talking through a few suggestions. I have said i’ll go for more short appointments (need my eyebrows done anyway and a massage would be nice!) where these are under an hour a time.

The sleep thing is quite major with her as she fights it and always has. Then the ensuing hours become unpleasant if she won’t succumb. We’ve both had times where one of isn’t the right one for her on a certain occasion. But she was dead ratty yesterday, uncharacteristically so... so I think he just had a shitty time in general as she was in a bad mood from the beginning.

Thanks for all the support!

We had this for quite a while with our DS, he clearly associated me with comfort and security (and food) and would often cry with my DH. As other pps have said, keep involving your DH in everything and giving them one on one time and it will come but it's perfectly normal at this age to prefer one over the other.
Our DS is now 20 months old and spent the whole weekend running round singing a little song he's made up - "Dadeeee! my Daadddeee!" No interest in Mummy any more, his Dad is everything!!!
:D

My DH soothes our sons in a different way to me by holding baby to his chest whilst standing and then gradually reclining baby backwards cradling their head and swaying, bouncing baby whilst singing what we have trademarked the doobie song (just sings doobie over and over ). He is also the master of burpies which we learned after our first born had severe colic and wind his first few months.it sounds like daddy needs to build confidence in experimenting with his own style and babies love singing and movement and seeing faces. One thing which I have trademarked is sitting baby on my knee, feet at my stomach and bouncing my knee whilst singing bouncy baby, worked with my ds and friends babies in getting me lots of smiles and giggles. For what it's worth, my son is addicted to his dad and I am lucky to get a hug now at 13 months haha x

We have a baby... sleeping on her dad’s chest! Yay! Confidence 11/10 tonight!

Wonderful update OP

Ignore all the DH bashing. MN is like a parallel universe sometimes where men are berated and belittled for the slightest thing. His reaction and stress was completely normal. Hope the bonding continues to go well

So pleased for you,OP.