Baby doesn't like being held

[NameChangeyMcChangerson]

I have a seven week old who I would generally say has been quite an easy baby - sleeps lots and fairly easily, feeds well, relatively few big bouts of crying. I've increasingly noticed, though, that he gets fussy whenever he's held. I thought at first he was overtired when this happens, but he's not - even as soon as he wakes up he gets cross at being held. He'll tolerate different positions for a minute or two, then start fussing/whinging (I wouldn't say it's a full on cry but it's clearly an unhappy sound). If you put him on the floor or in his cot he normally calms down. He does love being in a baby carrier, and will sleep in there for hours. But in arms there seems to be no way to hold him that he likes. He's breastfed so he does get held then, but a couple of minutes after he's finished eating he's unhappy at being held again. I'm getting a bit worried about it. When I googled it I found lots of things about autism, which is obviously a worry but I know it's too soon to look for that really. More immediately, I'm worried that maybe this is a sign he's uncomfortable that I should be doing something about - could it be digestive? Am I holding him wrong?! As I say, he'll do relatively long happy stretches on his play mat or in a bouncer so it's definitely something about being held.

How was the birth? Some babies can have pain from being in an uncomfortable position during the birth.

Google cranial osteopath. Heard they can work wonders for babies hat are uncomfortable.

Some babies just prefer their own space. My dd1 loved being held. Woke up the second you put her down. Dd2 loves a cuddle but when you put her down she gives a big contented sigh and her whole body seems to relax. They are all different.

Are you holding him in classic arms position or upright as if he is in a sling?

My DS was like this, I am often amazed when I read on Mumsnet about babies who can never be put down, need cuddles all the time, have to be cuddled to sleep etc. My DS was just happy to be put in his cot to sleep, never wanted cuddles, very happy in his own space .... the good points are that he slept 7am-7pm, self settled from the day we got home from hospital, never worried about being left with anyone, happily went off to playschool/school/Cubs/sports clubs/activities on his own .... he is a teenager now and has tons of self confidence .... the downside is that I never got any cuddles .

My DS was just like this. Has never been a ‘cuddly’ baby, I was worried too. But now he reaches for me for a hug, doesn’t mind quite so much at being held (when he’s tired mainly). He’s developing amazingly well and I don’t worry now as I know it’s just his way and he’s just too interested in everything else going on in the world
(DS had/has horrific reflux which generally ruled out any cuddles when he was held flat etc)

Birth was pretty straightforward/normal. Also, this is something I've increasingly noticed, so I don't think it was there right at the start.

I've tried holding him every which way. Upright as if in the sling is definitely the most successful (he hates being cradled) but even that he won't tolerate for long. If I jiggle about like mad he'll go a bit longer before fussing but not much - unless he drifts off to sleep, which he does do on the odd occasion; then he'll sleep on me for hours.

Mine never really liked cuddles - there was always far more interesting stuff to be doing! Although he could get on board with a bit of jiggling and was rocked to sleep when tiny. Now, when we sit and play, he'll do his own thing, but will potter back to see me just for a minute, and then disappear off again. Also now when I carry him around, he properly wraps his little arms around my neck 😍 it's taken nearly 9 months, but it's lovely!

Thank you for the replies - any more experiences of this? I spent the night awake worrying (when I wasn't feeding!) that there's something wrong.

My DD1 was just like this. There are no photos of me cradling her other than as a new born - ever since, she was either held upright so she could see what's going on, or doing her own thing on a play mat. She's 17 now and is still keen on her own space - but otherwise is a bright, confident and happy person.

We used to joke that my baby hated the feel of skin if his fingers brushed the skin he'd pull a face like sucking a lemon. He wasn't an overly cwtchy baby and preferred looking at me from his bouncer. He still isn't fussed on cuddling but always says 'he can't breathe' if i try so maybe he was always a bit claustrophobic. I wouldn't worry too much. Speak to DR to rule out pain and the comment about the birthing canal is very true. It may be worth speaking to someone if you are concerned.
After all that you may have to just join my club of the cuddle haters haha

@Ragwort was he like this since he was a newborn? My new born was happy to just be in her cot without any interaction with me.

This definitely describes my DD! Would always much prefer to be put down rather than held (I used to Google with worry too because everyone spoke about enjoying the newborn cuddles). She is now 5.5 months, super smiley and doesn’t mind being held at all now because she can look around and take in more of the world. Still wants to be put down for sleep though (which I suppose is a blessing but I feel like I’ve missed out on the snuggles!)

Yeah my son didn't like being held and would scream blue murder in a carrier. You couldn't rock him to sleep. Just put him down and walk away. Slept great! I had concerns too but he's now 3 and zero concerns. And he does actually quite like a cuddle now. Sometimes even comes into my bed at night and sleeps up against me. He was just a very efficient baby focused solely on food and sleep!

My 10 week old will happily lie on the floor for 20+ mins and as soon as you pick him up: inconsolable crying. I think being picked up can be very stimulating for some babies. It's hard to navigate as sometimes he does want a cuddle/needs fed, but other times it's awful the way he cries. He has gone to an osteopath 4 times and that has reduced his fussiness but he'll still cry in arms quite often.

My baby is just like this too! At that age the only way she liked being held was up on our shoulders so she could see the world. She’s 4.5 months now and much happier now she can move her head round to look at things more independently. She also much prefers a chat to a cuddle! This article describes her exactly and made me feel better

www.babycenter.com/baby/crying-colic/is-it-normal-that-my-baby-doesnt-like-being-held-or-cuddled_13460

My little one was like this, he's now 3 and no signs of anything autism related. He used to be like this until he was just over 1, funnily enough around the time I stopped breastfeeding. Before that, he was an unsettled baby if I was holding him other than breastfeeding. I think he just needed some space! Once I stopped breastfeeding, I think he needed some sort of comfort instead and then he would happily sit on my lap and cuddle a lot more. Try not to worry so much as well, if you look up signs of autism online, you'll start seeing all the signs in your baby even when there is nothing wrong at all.

Another vote for cranial osteopath

How did babies turn out as I'm having the same issue now with my baby and everything I google goes back to autism

Hi @testy1997
I now have super cuddly 17 month old. Since turning 1, she loves nothing more than coming for a cuddle in between playing and exploring. She also loves a snuggle before bed and gives me a kiss before going in her cot and saying ‘night night’.
I had all the same worries as you a year ago. I felt like every other baby I knew only ever wanted to be held and attached to mum. It’s easy for me to say don’t worry a year on, but I feel like this year has taught me to parent the child I have and not the one I think I should have. Congratulations on your little one and just take each day as it comes. Try to enjoy the time, they change so quickly!

@SLA2022 thank you. I just feel down as she doesn't seem to get any comfort from being held by me but in fact prefers to be on the floor. She'll fall asleep with me and be cuddled but not anything more!

My son was the same, he used to cry to be put down on his playmat or in his moses basket to go to sleep! He just really wanted his own space. He's 16 months now and developing brilliantly and I'm not concerned about autism at all. He's incredibly affectionate towards other babies/toddlers, always wanting to hug them and loves hugging the dog and grandparents. Still not overly keen on cuddles with his own mum though 😂.

I really wouldn't be worrying about autism with such a young baby. All babies are individuals!

@testy1997 my little girl was the same. She preferred to be looking at me whilst in her own space, trying to have a chat! She would happily sit in a bouncer and watch me walk around, chatting to her whilst I got on with stuff. Now she moans and pulls at my legs to be picked up!
your little one probably likes to move her body, kick around in her own space and explore what she can do.