Wrong sending son to all boys school?

[Vandree]

Our ds started school today. We would have preferred to send him to a mixed school but in our area they were all oversubscribed. Ds is nearly 5 and is in love with everything rainbow dash, unicorn, barbie and disney princess. He knows he is a boy and will tell people he is a boy when questioned. We don't have an issue with him when he chooses to wear rainbow dash or unicorn tshirts or if prefers "girl" toys to boys for birthdays or christmas though we do offer him lots of choices and one of his older sisters is very much into ninjas and superheros while the other loves everything princess so he has a choice in what to play with and we generally don't have a problem with what he picks. At the moment he is wants a princess Ariel party for his birthday and as a treat for starting school he picked a new barbie doll.

So now I have this pit of my stomach worry that we have made a mistake in sending him to an all boys school. His preschool friends were girls and boys and he went between them to play dolls or trucks easily. But he told us he really didn't like break time today because the yard was loud and the boys played soccer and he felt left out. I worry that the other kids will be mean about him having different likes and dislikes and him feeling less like the other boys are. It was always in the back of our minds that this was coming and that while kids can been mean without meaning it adults can be horrible. But now we are here I just feel we have let him down and how best to support him to make friends and not to feel so different? Have we been wrong to not make liking "girl" things an issue? While we of course want him to fit in we dont want him to have to lose the innocence he has now. I would really appreciate some advice thanks

It really depends on your school’s culture.
Why don’t you speak to your ds’ class teacher or pastoral lead about your worries?

Is he aware that he likes typically girly things? I think if he's oblivious then that's not going to help him.

If he knows in a "it's fine to like whatever you want, we think you're great whatever you play with, but kids at school can sometime be a bit funny about things for girls and things for boys." way, then he can make a choice about whether to keep some of his interests as just for home. Or he can decide not to if he feels confident enough to style it out at school. But he needs to understand why he might stand out in my opinion, and to know that any meanness as a result can be stood up to and reported back to teacher/you.

Not all the boys will play soccer forever, so he may well find non-soccer boys to spend break time with.

I would stick it out for a bit as there's no particular reason for him to not fit in just because he likes ponies and barbies, they're not the basis of friendships and happiness. But keep a very close eye for bullying and build his confidence and social skills in ways outside of school too.

How many areas are there where there is no co-ed provision for 5 year olds?
Is this a private school?

It's a tricky one because he might be fine and there could be other boys who aren't into football so I think you need to give it at least a term to see how he gets on but develop a back up plan if he's really struggling to make friends. One thing I'd recommend is to try to invite his classmates for play dates if you can 1:1 to help build friendships and try to help develop common interests.
My DS goes to a mixed village primary, is very geeky, hates football and most sports generally but the girls love his gentle nature so he often plays with the girls at break times. I can't imagine sending him to a boys school because I think he'd find it tough.

Wurzel i was assuming not the UK as op said soccer rather than football.

In some circumstances boys are more likely to try girly stuff when it's all boys in my opinion. Things like being in a choir or just behaving in class are less likely to be SEN as something girls do as there are none. Don't know about unicorns. It will depend on the ethos of the school really. If they have 'girls' toys out it would be an indication.

He will tell us some things are for "girls" and some things are for "boys" but seems to just decide for himself which is which to suit himself. He has been asked by boys his age if he is a girl or boy because of his tshirt and he will tell them he is a boy and he just likes whats on it. Or a man stopped him in a garage shop holding his rainbow dash doll and asked him would he not prefer a ball, he told the man that rainbow dash was blue and a boy pony so he could play with it. In saying that he is quiet a young nearly 5 year old, he is the baby of all his siblings and cousins and is surrounded by sisters and female cousins. Not that they are really girly, they would be classed as tomboys I suppose so he just likes what he likes without any influence from us, but in fairness who doesn't like a sparkley unicorn. Dh has no issues with it, he had a much loved doll and his mother defended him having it.

We are in Ireland and our national schools locally are split into boys or girls and while there have been other schools built in the area they are oversubscribed and quite a distance from us. Today was our first day and I am hoping to speak to his teacher, but then she will have all the other parents to talk to with their worries too.

I will try to talk to him about some boys not understanding why he isnt as into what they are and hope he will get it. As I said he is so young in some ways that he might not get what I am saying.

They school is quite sporty but they try to offset that with home ec and drama/art/choir so he will get an opportunity to do other things, the school yard is always a minefield though. I don't even know why I am worrying so much, just hes my baby and I would hate for him to be hurt. For my middle girl she is seen as cool for liking sports, superheros and ninjago especially by adults but they aren't as kind to boys who like unicorns.......obviously it making him gay has been mentioned more than once, my mother has said herself that its the one thing a parent always hopes her child isn't gay (after my cousin came out)

I think you can pretty much ignore anyone talking about ending up gay or not. A child doesn't have a sexuality and a toy doesn't determine sexual preference in adulthood. I can only guess that the link comes from when parents look back at the childhood of their gay, adult child and say "we should have known when he only played with barbies" etc. It completely ignores the children who didn't play with gender-typical toys yet grew up to be straight. Still, it's by the by.

Totally understandable to worry, and if it wasn't this it would be something else! The school sounds nice and balanced with lots of varied activities so hopefully he will find a kindred spirit there. And if it's bullying etc that concerns you then I don't think a mixed school would necessarily be different. In fact he might more obviously stand out there as 'one of the girls' and end up more alienated from other boys. There's just no telling.

I appreciate the replies thanks. We had a chat at bedtime about some boys liking rainbow dash and other boys liking other things. He told me that he could ask some friends to play puppies or racing with him so it was on his mind as well I think. I told him he can like what he likes and at school he can like different things if he wants, he is so clever but so young I don't think he has the words for how he is feeling yet.