Confession post. Really shouted and I am so ashamed.

[anonmum22]

So I just completely lost it at my 3 year old. I feel like a monster and she didn't even deserve it.

We were making a banner for her daddy's birthday and she had coloured it in so nicely. She then just smeared brown over it so I said leave it as the nice colours that looks much nicer but she continued and I said dont ruin it (I completely recognise that I shouldn't have said that anyway because it's her banner). She then proceeded to obviously do it anyway and then smeared paint all over herself. I don't understand why I couldn't just let her be a 3 year old and experiment with messy play but instead I shouted at her to stop and she then laughed in my face. I then saw red and raised my voice more and so she laughed more. It ended up with me shouting at the top of my voice and her just continuing to laugh so I grabbed her and carried her into the other room and shut the door. I just did not know how to deal with the pure frustration of her not responding to me saying stop and her laughing at me instead and so I got angry. I went back into her and she said sorry mummy for mixing the colours (damn I feel so guilty) and I apologised for being angry and shouting at her. She gave me a hug and I cried and said I was sorry. She then said I don't want to hear it and shut the door repeating what I had just done for her. She told me alright. What on earth have I just taught her.

How can I come back from this and rectify this error. I feel so absolutely dreadful and this is not how I want to parent or raise her to repeat this kind of behaviour. I feel like the worst mum ever at the moment.

Wanted to reply as I think a lot have read and run! You are totally not alone and the fact that you are beating yourself up over this shows you are most likely a fantastic mum. We all hit the point that we say / do things we don’t mean and wouldn’t say in hindsight. But you apologised to your lo and that is the best thing she can see you do. She’s going to lose her temper many many times in the future, but it’s knowing how to deal with the situation afterwards that’s going to be the key lesson for her. It’s sometimes useful for children to see their parents are human too! I commend you to have made it this far into her little life without losing it before! Children are certainly good at pressing our buttons!

We've all had moments like this, don't beat yourself up about it. You're human, not a parent machine. Your child will have forgotten all about it, water off a duck's back.

Bless you, mum guilt is real! You've done the right thing by apologising, that shows her that you are human and you make mistakes too. She's apologised as well and then changed her tune when you did because they are master manipulators at that age lol she's seen you admitting to a mistake and taken the upper hand. Mine do things like that too. You're human and let's be honest, kids can be incredibly frustrating when they want to be. The fact that you feel so guilty just shows you're a good mum. Don't beat yourself up anymore. X

You did the right thing by removing her to a room when you were really angry because that's when things can snap
You have done nothing wrong by shouting: we all have lost our heads at some time or other with our children but the thing to focus on is how you followed it up
You went to her and apologised. That's more than many (my dad inc) would ever do! Explain why you got cross but that shouting wasn't the right thing for mummy to have done and you feel very sad now that you shouted.
It's a learning curve that parents aren't always in the right/perfect and that sometimes feelings get overwhelming but it's largely ok because so long as it's explained and apologised for and doesn't become a regular occurrence/lessons are learned from it that's all good. X

I totally feel you, I have 3 year old dd who is just impossible to discipline, I too have lost my temper and shouted at her and had to put her into another room as I was so angry. I’ve no advice but just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. It’s incredibly difficult and frustrating.