Has anyone suffered a mental / nervous breakdown? I think I did tonight.

[mamaandthegirls]

Basically, I am currently 35 weeks pregnant with DD#2.
I already have another DD who just recently turned 2. I am a full time SAHM and my DP works 5 days a week - Monday to Friday.
Anyone who has or has had a 2 year old, knows how challenging they can be.
All in all, DD is very behaved. We have the odd tantrum and I have hard days with her but mostly she is good as gold and is a dream when it comes to bed time!

Lately though, I have been losing my patience easily with her and my DP. DD does small things, that to me feel like the end of the world. As an example; pulling so many toys out and leaving them around for me and even herself to trip over. I say constantly for her to help me tidy them up, I have even tried making it into a fun game!
Her whining and demanding of "I want snack" or "I want juice" has been another small thing that frustrates me.
DP is a great help when he gets home from work, BUT he also does things to irritate me, like not help me with housework even though I've asked several times. Or when I go off on one about the mess, he says I'm being silly and overreacting.
I am stressing terribly knowing I only have 5 weeks left until DD#2 arrives, I just want the house clean and tidy and organised for when she arrives. Not to mention I still haven't got most of the stuff I need for my hospital bag!

Tonight DD refused to eat her tea, refused to help me tidy up (and let me tell you, the living room was like a bomb site!) and was screaming and crying because it was bath time and she wanted to play with her toys instead of jumping in the bath.
I just had enough and absolutely burst into tears and lost the plot. I basically called DP while he was finishing up at work, just completely screaming at him down the phone to help me and that DD is being a complete and utter pain in the bum!
When he got home, we got into an argument and said "this is not normal human behaviour, you don't act like that down the phone!" I'm crying uncontrollably and so is DD at this point.
I just felt like it was all too much for me.
I have a history of depression and self harm and have done since the age of 12 (I am now 23) and tonight I just felt so low to the point where usually when I have felt that way, I think about my DD and it all goes away.
Tonight, even thinking about her didn't not make the terrible thoughts go away.
I am at the moment sleep deprived because of aches and pains during this pregnancy and DD has been asking at 6:30am every morning for the past few weeks which is long and draining.
Stress from my home life obviously contributes and it's also putting a strain on my relationship with my partner.

I just feel like I'm screaming out for some help but no one is listening.
I know with this baby on the way it's going to be even harder, hence why I'm just at my wits end.
I just don't know what to do, motherhood doesn't feel enjoyable anymore, I'm miserable as sin (and hormonal) my sex life is non existent due to my mood and my relationship doesn't feel the way it used to when we first started dating.
I just don't know what on earth to do.

Take a deep breath and just let it out slowly.
You've not had a breakdown you just have reached a boiling point. We all get to that stage it's how we bounce back that counts.
If it's possible write down or text your dp if you can't say it out loud how your feeling, and maybe ask him to let you have a lay in so you can catch up on sleep. You will be fine. The toys can be thrown back into the box at the end of the day, what about sitting in the bath now and having a long soak and a think? And I don't mean think negative I mean just process today and tell yourself positive things and do some deep breathing exercises you will be fine x

I think you are expecting too much of yourself (and your 2 year old). I’m guilty of the same - I want everything to be perfect and feel massive guilt when it is not.

Teaching her to tidy as she goes from a young age - great! Expecting to be successful every time - setting yourself up to feel like a failure. 2 years old is so very young. I say that comparing my just turned 3 year old to her 2 year old self.

Regarding feeling you need more support - talk to your other half, it is amazing what someone you live with won’t pick up on until you speak up. Not a fraught phone call, a real conversation (he was insensitive and thoughtless saying you are not normal). But once it is out there, how he chooses to react is very important.

It does sound like you’re getting jittery about change as the new baby is pretty imminent and I think that is very natural, a new life routine will need to be established once the baby is here and that can feel unsettling.

Be kinder to yourself op, you are doing fine.

Your dd sounds very much like a 2 year old.

Unfortunately, so does your P. You became quite hysterical, but that's not unheard of at your stage in pregnancy. Your H really should have supported you in terms of enforcing what could realistically be expected off your toddler (some action resembling a bit of help with tidying up), and him helping with the tidy up, itself. Those things seen to, him kindly helping you to manage your own expectations wouldn't go amiss.

Sending hugs. This sounds like me. I have 3 dc and my husband is abroad for 5 days pw. Some days you actually need to count to 10. Other days you have to let it slide. And some days you find the energy to answer the demanding "I want juice!!" With "yes darling, just as soon as these toys are in the toybox now theres a good girl" Just relax- don't sweat it.

Given your history you should be under the midwife mental health team (can't remember what it's called).

Most people now know about pnd but there's the lesser known antenatal depression and antenatal anxiety.

Sorry your dp wasn't more supportive - he should have been!

Where's your support network? Who do you have?

Even if you have a good support network call your midwife tomorrow and tell them you're struggling - this is one of the things they're there for and it's far from uncommon.

Take care

I don't think you can expect a 2yo to be an effective helper at all. Work out ways to do the jobs you need to do without her input...then if she helps a bit it is a bonus but you aren't relying on her.
Think of some other techniques you can use with her, some exciting bath toys that are very special and only allowed in the bath, a race upstairs to bed, a favourite bedtime story etc. If she is whiny or demanding during the day, be really clear to her about when you will have time for her (We can play with lego after I have washed up) and use distraction techniques (an aquamat for mess free doodling, playing with tupperwares in the kitchen, 30mins of TV) to gain yourself a bit of time.
Be calm, confident, clear and consistent with your rules, 5 weeks is plenty of time to start seeing changes.

This all sounds normal! You are heavily pregnant, hormonal and exhausted. I think your dp is the one over reacting to say it's not normal.
I had similar moments towards the end of my three pregnancies.

Oh god I'm so tired I wrote an OP that I don't even remember writing ;-)

OP, I can really really relate. 35 weeks on Saturday and I too have a (just turned) 2 year old and I also have a 6yo. Also sahm and currently have the joys of pgp, sciatica and a bad back. I should throw into the mix two children who are constantly at each others throats because they are bored and I have limited entertainment abilities.

It's brutal OP. My feet are constantly burning, I am desperate to tidy and clean but it's pointless. I have uniform to label and am currently trying to finish (well actually start) my paperwork for the childminding business I am trying to set up, ready for my Ofsted inspection that I hope to have before I give birth. Don't think it's going to happen!! I just want to do what every other pregnant woman seems to be doing....watching Netflix, napping and nesting!!!

So my advice is this....lower your standards. Sleep when your 2yo sleeps (if she does). Stop trying to tidy everything. Give DH a list of chores for the evening and put your feet up. Seriously....the only way to get through this is to be kind to yourself and put yourself first. Now all I need to do is try and take my own advice (haha).

Sending hugs. Don’t pay any attention to dp saying it’s not normal behaviour. It IS perfectly expected that you should shout and scream with frustration. I’ve certainly been there. Perhaps he (and all the others out there) have not experienced the sheer level of exhaustion and misery that goes with motherhood and pregnancy at times. Thinking of you xx

I just want to say thanks so much for all the replies. DD has been challenging again today but I took a few moments to take a deep breath and restart.

I could have written this.. 34 weeks (still working) pregnant, a nearly 3 year old and Husbands working away mon till fri.
I feel as if my child just knows exactly what buttons to press to irritate me just now.
God knows how I'm going to manage with two. No advice sorry x

I felt like this and I only have one child!

While I was on maternity leave DH suggested putting DS in nursery for a morning/day each week. It didn't feel right at the time but with hindsight I wish I had and if it's an option for you I'd recommend.

A few years down the line and I know I am a happier mum when I have had a little room to breath and think, and when I'm happier I'm nicer.

I second that...feel like this occasionally with one DD !! I do agree with previous posters that you could lower your expectations of the 2 year old....I tried to model the behaviour I want her to copy - ie. tidy up time song and stuff but honestly if I knew she was gonna go back in a play with the toys again in a few hours I would just leave them out.
They only need to be tidied up once a day maybe to leave the house reading for calm adult time in evening ?
My daughter practiced tidying away when she started nursery at 2.5 and now she does it quite spontaneously on her own because she likes things being neat - probably copying me as I am OCD sometimes when I get into tidying frenzy ! But I don't expect her to tidy up every day/after every play session. As long as she grows into a helpful and respectful girl who can follow instructions at nursery and school (she can now)...that's fine. When she was 3 I would start to point out to her the consequences of for example leaving her shoes or coat on the floor in middle of room - I would just say "DD, darling - you left your shoes in the middle or the room - someone might trip on those - can you move to the side of the room?" when she was a little older I changed it to "Can you put your shoes in the shoe area" Now she lines up her own little shoes and takes pride in it. I do lose it about other things though like her constantly asking for sweet things, more TV, following me around and screaming when I have already prepped her that I need to make a phone call (I could never answer a phone call until she was maybe 3 and only then if she was watching TV) , demanding that I come upstairs with her to the toilet when I am in the middle of something and she is more than capable of doing all toileting on her own including washing hands, turning taps off etc. I have got really annoyed about that...They push my buttons...maybe the mess pushes your buttons and that's your thing ...or maybe you feel you "have to" get her to be a tidy girl, that she "Should" be tidying up every time perfectly otherwise she'll start to be an unruly child...this sounds a bit like anxiety which is normal for your stage in pregnancy for sure! Don't be so hard on yourself xxx Hubby needs to pitch in more with lie ins for you now on the weekends or weekdays whilst he gets his breakfast ready he could take DD downstairs and eat breakfast with her whilst you lie in...then put a 20min Netflix TV show on for her , brings you a cuppa whilst he gets dressed..then you get out of bed when he leaves the house and join your DD for play time or get her dressed after her TV show finishes. And unashamedly say to him you would love more support with housework at this late stage in pregnancy you need to be taking a nap in the day when DD naps, not doing housework. To keep your stress levels down for baby. If he was to agree - don't worry I don't care if washing up isn't done when I get home, don't worry I don't mind if the house is a bit messy ! I'll whizz around later...then you could put your feet up or do some gentle stretches/ exersize to get some endorphins flowing...That will help with that sexual frustration of late pregnancy too !! It's a night mare !!! I couldn't even...ya know...myself...without nearly having a brain anneurysm because of late pregnancy - hormones - anxiety - toddler - lack of sex and connection with your partner - feeling like you have to do it all - impending arrival of more pressure and sleepless nights - enough to make anyone lose it over small things your toddler does that would irritate any SAHP !!