Do you ever see your teens in a state of partial undress?

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I am feeling like a terrible parent.

DS2 is 15yo, suffered mild eczema as a young child but nothing since, or so I thought. All summer he's refused to wear shorts but DH said he was the same at that age and it was normal etc. On holiday we needed to change into wetsuits in a field. DS tried to change keeping himself covered but easier said than done and I was shocked to see that his legs are a mass of scabs, more scab than skin! He hasn't said a word. He also has a horribly infected toenail which must have been causing him pain although he insists it isn't.

Would you know these things about your teen, if he didn't want to tell you? He hates having cream on, has always preferred to cover up than wear sun cream, so I think that's the reason he didn't want anyone to know, also the reason I didn't think the no shorts thing was that odd .

I'd notice the change in behaviour (both dc often seen in swim/work out clothes and ds wanders around in boxers), that would make me suspect a problem and I'd start asking questions - I'd find out fairly rapidly.

I wouldn't notice a sudden interest in privacy, it's normal for teenagers to want to be private and it does happen quite suddenly.

Once I found out though, I'd be very upset that he hadn't told me. I have a 15 year with ASD and he's not communicative but he does tell me if he's in pain, and an infected toenail would have hurt.

My son is almost 13, and going through that stage where they frantically cover every inch of skin up in case anyone sees their bare ankle. He's also the sort that would worry over an ailment but not tell me out of embarrassment. So I could see this happening here. As it is, we were on holiday recently so he had to wear swimming trunks. I noticed he had eczema on his legs but I got the brush off when I asked about it too. I just got him some of the cream that helped when he had it before and didn't make a big thing out of it. I didn't want him to think I was scrutinising him every time he wore shorts as he'd be even more self conscious then - it's difficult, isn't it?

Tbh keeping ds's 14+17 covered up is the issue here.

My teen, when at home, has mostly been in boxers all summer (with headphones and phone in hand) when he isn't out and walks round in a world of his own so I would notice I guess. My 8 year old on the other hand barely bothers with clothes at all!

However if you didn't know to look and he took pains to avoid showing you it isn't something you should beat yourself up about. Can you convince him to make a GP visit?

You aren't a terrible parent OP.

This isn't about covering up or not, it's about a teen not telling you something they don't want you to know, even when they definitely should tell you.

I have teens and can say with certainty that if they had something they didn't want me to know about, even though they should tell me, they would indeed find a way to keep it private from me.

Personally speaking, I don't think that's a bad thing.

I don't expect my teens to talk to me about everything. But I do expect them to talk to someone. I would not be upset that they'd not spoke up me, but would be upset (in fact I'd be angry at him) that he didn't book himself a doctors appointment or speak to a tutor at school. Or someone, anyone, who would have helped him get medical assistance.

The maturity factor here is: If you want to deal with this privately that is fine, it means having the maturity to recognise you need medical help and get that help yourself. It is immature to simply not deal with it and for that reason I am not just disappointed, I am angry too.

OP everyones dc is different. Mine like to let all hang loose all over the place and don't really care about clothes. So i'm treated to everything daily. I've had to bed DS2 in particular to be a bit more clothed, at least with underwear.

It must have been shocking for you to see your ds like that . Did he allow you to look at him properly afterwards? maybe he feels ugly and is too embarrassed to show it and its all just got out of hand. Poor thing must've been suffering.

I agree Fate, I but surely anyone at school would have simply told him to show his mum and tbh if he was going to show anyone it's more likely to be me than a teacher

Not bed, 'Beg' for pete's sake!

I've put my foot down and insisted that I do the cream twice a day, which he hates and doesn't feel "right" but it's the only way to make sure it happens. He really hates the feeling of any kind of cream on his skin. Thankfully once treated it's clearing up quite quickly.

I've cleaned up the toe and am keeping an eye.

Given what’s in the news about the rate at which 14yo girl’s self-harm I’m glad I’ve seen DD in a swimming costume recently - but that’s the most I’ve seem of her in ages. If she didn’t want me to see e.g. her legs I can’t honestly say I’d notice - she doesn’t wear shorts these days, and wears tights for school year-round. It’s really easy for a teenager to hide things, and they can want to hide the daftest things (as well as more serious) so don’t beat yourself up.

We joke that my 12 year old is a Never-Nude. He doesn’t like showing his skin ever, it’s so random to me. Also my son hates anything on his skin too. I don’t think he would

Posted too soon. Oops.

*i don’t think he would hide it from me, but I suppose when he’s older I’m unsure

I can so relate to your post op. Several years ago my then 17 year old dd, kept complaining about a toenail infection. She had been to the doctors, no infection found. She continued to complain and eventually I took her to a second doctor's appointment and spoke to the doctor with her and to my great shame this was the first time I had seen her toenail. It was incredibly very long and disfigured, too thick for her to cut, probably caused by long distance running. She was so ashamed of it, she had kept it hidden in socks and trainers.

I considered myself to be a very involved and caring mother and couldn't believe this had passed me by. I was aware of her moaning about it a bit but just hadn't really registered it properly. Anyway a £40 podiatry appointment later and her nail was so transformed that she burst into tears. It will never be 100% normal but she is happy to wear flip flops and have her toes on display.

It sounds like your son was similarly embarrassed and I hope you are able to find an effective treatment for his skin/nail which is as transforming.

Do be careful, when my DD covered up like this it was because she was cutting herself.