Hi
I need some advice please! Sorry for the long post!
I am currently 26 weeks pregnant with a 2 year old DD and I am a SAHM. I had a long fertility struggle (5 years) before becoming pregnant with my first, who I lost at 20 weeks. That was pretty horrific, we had a funeral etc which was heartbreaking and then in the weeks that followed we had a car crash that broke 2 of my ribs and then my cat lost his eye to cancer, so we had to nurse him after the op. It was a horrible time and I probably should have had counselling.
For my last pregnancy and this one, I have had a stitch placed to help me keep the baby but am termed high risk. This means no sex, no swimming, baths, exercise etc on top of the normal dietary restrictions!! I feel bored and resentful, I do not enjoy being pregnant as I spend the weeks clocking the time down until the baby is viable and would be safe. I feel so guilty because I spent so long getting pregnant in the first place and I know I am so lucky, especially when others never conceive. My current pregnancy was a shock although I should count my blessings. But I can never relax and just enjoy it as I know how unpredictable life is?
I love my DD but she is very hard work (and has been since day dot!!) and I struggle with her, I also find the days pretty monotonous. I had quite a busy and demanding work life before I gave it up and I feel like I should be far less mopey and do something constructive with any down time, such as starting a blog or doing a course but I can't find the motivation or energy.
Because I can't get intimate with my DH, I feel we are drifting apart. I also feel that because he works and has childfree time that he has the easier side of the deal. I know this is ridiculous as he has the financial burden etc. But sometimes I feel that it is out of order that I have to book in a day that I can have off so I can do my own thing at the weekend, like go to a museum or have a haircut and try and be me again. I probably have had 2 of these since I had DD but each time DH makes it really awkward and starts nitpicking about what needs doing and having to get the MIL in to help. Really annoying. But when he wants to go away for a boys trip for 2 days, I have to get on with it?? I also feel when he is around, I am still doing the majority of childcare and chores which I resent (obviously :-))
And don't even get me started on the crazy child obsessed MIL I have to deal with, who thinks it appropriate to offer my child a freaking crisp sandwich as "she wasn't eating". That's the least of it.
Anyway, so usually I would just have a glass of wine and go hey ho, life could be worse, but I can't even do that or go for a run. I am pretty stoic normally, so it annoys me that I am struggling with all of this. I don't have any friends as we just all lost touch during my IVF years.
Any advice or tips on how to make myself snap out of it would be welcome. But try not to be too mean, ha ha!!