Breastfeeding routine

[Choice4567]

I'm starting to struggle with breastfeeding/ lack of routine/sleep.

My DD is 2 1/2 months. Breastfeeding has been going really well, but I'm starting to feel the lack of sleep and the fact that it's only me that can do night times and any feeding. I really want to make it to 6 months, but I'm starting to struggle. If I switch to bottle feeding then DP can do some feeds and we can get a routine.

At the moment she doesn't really sleep in the day and still wakes every 2 hours or so in the night. I'm so confused as to how to get a routine!

Any encouragement on how to carry on BF?

You're doing really really well! it's so tiring at first but she'll start doing longer stretches at night. Would she nap in the day if in a pram/bouncer? Could your dp take her in between feeds one weekend day? (pop her in a sling maybe) You might get a bit more rest that way. X

Really sorry not to be much more help, but our coping strategies were trusting time would pass and it would change, and safe cosleeping so I didn’t have to actually be vertical at night time. Which when you’re in the thick of it don’t help, do they?! But you are doing really well

She’s 2 1/2 months, she’s not meant to have a routine yet she’s too little. I know it’s hard but you just have to give over to baby at this age. You’re doing great and this time will pass reallt quickly. Can you nap in the day at all?

Thanks for all the replies! She does sometimes nap in the day, but only in the pram or on me, so no chance of me napping too.

I know she's really little but a few people including DM have asked when we're going to get the routine sorted! Just keep feeling like I should be doing it better or that I'm making it harder work for later!

Are you co-sleeping? That’s the only way I could do it. Baby in a next to me crib, and dream feed when they wake. Doesn’t really disturb either of you, as baby goes right back to sleep in minutes, as do you.

I coslept with my first who wouldn't nap but slept well during the night (til the 4 month regression anyway!), my second caught awful colds from my eldest and had to sleep on me propped up for the first 12 weeks. Once over those she'd go into her cot but woke ever 2hrs til she was 4 months, the last month she's been going 3-4 hours, last night she woke once she's not quite 5 months.
I think sorting day naps will help as she won't be overtired and struggling quite so much, it would also help if she learned to self settle...even though she's tiny (look up ssshh patting and similar techniques).
I wouldn't expect much of a routine til around 12 weeks and then it's a gradual thing but aim for no more than 2-2.15 hrs awake at a time and for 3hrs sleep over three naps. Take a look at the little ones sleep programmes, I know a few people who have persevered with them and have a really good routine with decent night sleeps.
You're doing a great job, be kind to yourself and if switching to bottles of expressed milk or formula is what will work for you don't beat yourself up over it, the fourth trimester is so tough!

I have no objections to co-sleeping and she's often in our bed at 6am. Haven't been able to get the hang of feeding in bed- I currently need two hands, one to hold her head and one to hold my breast, she won't stay on otherwise!

Also thanks for all saying I'm doing well! I know it's going fine really and I'd say the same to others. It's just hard to remember for yourself!

Just give it time, everything is just a phase. If you can get the hang of breastfeeding lying down on your side it will really help with co-sleeping. My DS was about 12 weeks before we got the hang of it/he was big enough.

I promise you don't need a routine for a tiny breastfed baby and your absolutely not creating bad habits!

Tell your DM to sod off (in a nice way!) our knowledge has changed so much since her children were born. Have a google of the ‘fourth trimester’, babies of that age aren’t ready for any kind of routine, it will come.

Can you snooze while she naps on you? You are doing so well and it will not be forever that she feeds so often.
I actually was very proud of the fact that all the feeds my baby ever had were from me (as I breastfed) even though it was hard at times. When you look at that chubby big baby and know it’s all down to you... feel proud!!!

a few people including DM have asked when we're going to get the routine sorted!

The correct answer to this is “when you get your manners sorted?” Tinkly laugh

Hang in there.

Hang in there! In the coming weeks she'll start doing longer stretches of sleep at night. I promise!
I know sleep deprivation is absolutely debilitating ☹️ torturous, even. You're doing great!

Ime, ebf babies don't have routines. I agree with cosleeping, and go to bed when she does if possible.

Aww such lovely messages! Thanks everyone, feeling better again. I do know really that it's all good and will get better/easier. Just was having a particularly tired afternoon and it was all feeling a bit rubbish cos I just wanted to sleep!

Right I'm going to keep persevering. I do like that I'm breastfeeding as I wasn't at all sure I'd be able to, so keeping going is happening!

Here if you need us; keep on keeping on 👍🏼! The first months are so hard and it really does get so much easier! Xxx

I found that I really got a routine once my first was weaning, although it did get a bit better from 12 weeks onwards. With my second, she had to fit around my first and for some reason you just make that work - the benefit of benign neglect. To BF lying down have your arm up behind your head and baby lies down on her side facing your boob. Your free hand can either steady you or go around her. Hang in there (but maybe do one bottle a day at the same time every day - lots of people do that without your supply going wrong or the baby getting any less keen on BFing).

Ahh! I'm cold and tired, DD will not wind therefore will not go back to sleep. DP is snoring away. I want to sleep!

The main break I got when feeding on demand was up until around midnight - can you feed your baby at 8/9pm ish and then go and get threeish hours sleep while your partner cuddles the baby? (With my second the timings were more like 10pm til 1am). Then he can bring her up once she wakes for her next feed and at least you’ll have had a few hours sleep.

Do keep trying with the lying down to breastfeed. Once it clicks (and it is hard to master when they’re tiny with no head control) you will be able to nap with her and it makes such a difference. There’s lots of good internet resources on side lying and feeding - it takes practise though so try every day if you can. Lie with tummies close together and her mouth underneath/below your nipple. You’ll potentially need pillows behind your back to help you get the right angle and comfort - if you lean too far back or too far forward towards the bed your nipple won’t be easy for her to access. Then you should be able to help her tilt her head backwards to latch. In theory the hardest part is your position (the leaning forwards/backwards part) to optimise the position of your boob but like I say once it clicks you’ll get so much more rest.

Hang in there. It’s very very tough but it does get easier without the need to try and bring in a routine

Poor you! It feels like forever at the time but in a few weeks this will slowly start to become a distant memory.
With night feeding (now it's cooled down a bit) try wearing two tops - a little vest and a warmer pj top, or have a long sleeved top or dressing gown to hand to throw on so you don't freeze while you feed.

Don't bother with a routine now my dd is 17 weeks and ebf. We finally got into good sleep at night and naps during the day around your stage. At 13 weeks it TOTALLY changed with the 4 month sleep regression and I feel like we're back to newborn stage.
Not saying this to make you feel bad only that I'm struggling far more now because I'd put in so much work to get her sleeping and I was so happy it had worked for it all to just fall apart with the regression.
Go with the flow until after 4 months I think it's supposed to be easier after then to get into a routine.
I hope...

@Shabeth sorry to hear it's got harder for you again. I think you're right and that was my general thinking a while ago, to wait until 4 months or just after.

Last night was a bit better, obviously apart from the 45 minutes where I was very cold and DP was snoring!

Firstly, you’re doing really well. Secondly, the worst days are behind you.

My DS2 is 15 weeks old and we have no routine. Sometimes a pattern emerges, led by him, then it disappears again. I too have spent hours watching my husband sleep while I could cry. But all you can do is keep feeding and grabbing sleep whenever and wherever you can. This will pass, they do change, things do get better.

Sometimes a pattern emerges, led by him, then it disappears again.

This. Still. He is 11 months. However, after each upheaval things have been better than before and now quite often I have a whole night’s sleep. I try and just accept that change is the only constant, nothing is forever, and things are always getting easier overall even when it’s two steps forward and one step back.

There’s a lot of ‘advice’ around that I think is based on formula feeding and made me feel shit and inadequate and full of doubt. I made a conscious decision to stop reading it and just pay attention to my own instincts and whether the baby was gaining weight and mostly cheery, and life got better.

Well I had better pyjamas on last night and DD slept 10:30-4:30! Never had so much sleep!

Thanks for all the encouragement. Still just going to take a day at a time