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Not bonding

1 reply

DurhamDad · 28/08/2018 14:45

Been really hesitant to talk about this but here goes, first off I have never been a very emotional person and usually bottle everything up and have never really been able to talk to anyone except my wife (and even then in a limited way) face to face about my feelings. I have a 2 year old who is nearly 3 yet I still don't seem to have a bond with him. If he's hurt or wants anything he always runs to her he seems to see me more as someone to play games with than anything else. Problem is when he gets upset or anything like that I tend to feel more annoyance than anything else and when he goes to bed I generally feel relieved that he is out of the way.

The biggest issue is in the past I have had anger issues and still do occasionally and when he does things like hit people I get really angry with him and I have never hit him back but it is a struggle sometimes and takes most of my willpower to treat him rationally. I would like to stress that I have never hit him back but my wife has pointed out on several occasions that I can be cold towards him like if he is crying because he has been told off I have told him I don't care or just tell him to shut up.

When he is good I am more grateful that he is quiet than anything else and when he does something he is proud of or that my wife is proud of him for I feign to be proud but in reality I feel little either way. On the rare occasion he wants to play with me rather than my wife I tend to play along with him but we never play for very long.

Its getting to the point where I am beginning to doubt I will ever really bond with him and I think my wife is starting to get upset with me over my lack of empathy and understanding with him. I have always been like this to be fair and it took ages before I told my wife I loved her and an even longer time before I would even listen to her about marriage as I believed it to be a bit pointless.

Am I a horrible person? am I a bad father for not having much interest in my own son or are some people like me and just not prone to much emotion at all?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Havetothink · 28/08/2018 18:07

Maybe you need some anger management or counseling. At least you have recognised an issue and can try and improve on it.

Your son is still small, make an effort to be patient, enjoy the fact that he wants to play games with you. It doesn't matter if mum is currently the favourite.

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