I am in my second marriage and it's failed, miserably like the last one. Both husbands have told me I have mental problems and that I'm bipolar. I feel like I'm not the one making the mistakes in the relationship though. Deep down I am a very positive person and I love to be happy and make others happy. But I have an evil side too. When someone does something against me, I shut them out of my life, and sometimes get revenge (depending on the situation). When I get pushed to my breaking point I snap. I yell and cuss and have even thrown things. I almost immediately regret my actions and try to make up for it, even though I know I was the one who got crapped on first. My conscience doesn't let me get away with anything. I just googled the symptoms of bipolar disorder and it seems like it could be me. I'm so sad about that. I just kicked my husband out of the house a few hours ago. I told him I hate him, never want to see his face again, and hope he dies :( I didn't mean it, but I couldn't control my emotions. He's been very distant, hiding his phone and put a lock on it, lies about work hours, keeps money from me, is mean to me and the kids, etc. I concluded that he must be cheating. So I snapped. Now idk how the bills will get paid and I feel stupid for putting my 5 kids through this. I'm so depressed about everything and I've had a very hard life and no one to talk to. I've thought about how pointless my life is and how I'm a waste of air. My children rely on me and that's the only thing keeping me going. Advice is appreciated.