A good morning and a happy August bank holiday to all.
My ex of 18 years and I separated last September (we're both 44); weren't married but have two beautiful daughters of 8 and 10. Whilst I initiated the split it was ultimately mutual and about as amicable as one could hope for, and remains so. I moved out, left them the house, etc. and now rent. Reason? Loved but wasn't in love/similar goals but entirely different life approaches/years of compromise but nip it in the bud before it becomes toxic, etc.. I maintain a great deal of respect for my ex, primarily because she's a wonderful mother.
I had remained faithful throughout those 18 years (I believe we both had) but I think the term 'emotional affair' might arise so I may as well be up front from the outset. Online banter with an old acquaintance from Sixth Form college (not an old flame for what it's worth) developed into something potential but, to be honest, it didn't really catalyse the inevitable. Perhaps it could be considered an emotional affair but sh*t happens.
My new partner - which is what she is despite associated complications - lives 1600 miles away in Finland; divorced for three years with three kids 5/10/12 (she's Hungarian but West London born and bred). We've seen each other roughly once a month since January, and we both feel deeply in love, to the point of committing emotionally like neither of us have committed before. Being 'in love' with a fire that hasn't been mutually felt before and being old and wise enough to realise that it ain't gonna be a walk in the park, but we can deal with it. Somehow it'll work out but my chicks come first, as do her own, and we both appreciate that.
Sorry if that was a lengthy backstory but it might negate some questions down the line.
SO. My ex doesn't yet have a partner (she will; she's fundamentally beautiful) but I do, and I'm struggling to maintain the subterfuge. I have told my own close family, and the kids are up for it now:
"Daddy when are you going to get a girlfriend, come on it's time"
"We'd be excited because you're cool and so she would be cool too, that's the main thing"
"If Mummy got a boyfriend she has said that if we didn't like him she wouldn't carry on with him"
"Mummy would be sad if you had a new girlfriend at the beginning but it's going to happen"
Makes me well up a bit writing that...
Can I ask your advice please? There's no right way to tell my ex, but what's not the wrong way?
Thank you....