Lost on parenting 16yr old teenager

[sharonjw2002]

Hello. I've read all advice on here and well, I am at the point of not knowing what to do. I have a controlling organised personality and I am not controlling parse but me helping and advising is turning into controlling... and rows. she appears that she doesn't think for herself and I know all the time I am looking out for her and pointing things out and trying to be a good parent and advise and as I said to her last night you give it all chat and sounds encouraging what you say but no action follows and its time and time again. I know 16 is a difficult age. She's about to go into college and I worry about her getting up in time and getting the bus and remembering things tutors tell her (has a history of this as everyone else in the class knows but she doesn't or couldn't remember) and needing to get a work placement for her course and it just seems she is more interested in whats going on in her phone than being proactive. Am I being harsh? Is there another approach I should be doing? Or should I being taking a chill pill? All conversations end up in rows. She says she wants more independence and that I am controlling, but I don't entirely trust her. She seems to listen but not hear and never remember simple things. Its just me and her living together I am aware to leave her to make her own mistakes but where do we as parents draw the line? To add she has borderline personality disorder is good behaviour overall and aware perhaps I do put on her a lot (have no friends)

My DH has a similar controlling personality and his mantra is that the Dcs should do what they're told to do when they're told to do it and if they followed his instructions it would be better as he knows how to make things more efficient (easier) for them. It makes us all so twitchy and we are all waiting for his next raft of guidance as it, frankly, feels like constant negativity and far from encouraging or supportiveness.
Step back- let your DH mess up and learn by her own mistakes and offer guidance when requested, not all the time. It's like white noise when it's constant.
Maybe you could focus on something else? I appreciate how hard it must be to loosen the reigns but if you want a long term relationship with your DD, give her space.
I'm sorry you don't have friends and would thoroughly suggest joining a club like a rock choir or walking club - it will do you so much good x

Everything domestichief said.

One nice thing about them moving up to Sixth Form is that you will no longer be held directly responsible for any mistakes they make, so you can get on with letting them make them. If she doesn't get the bus she will miss class and struggle. Her problem. If she doesn't make the bus home she'll have to walk home (happened to ds once, 6 mile walk and he never did it again). Her problem. If she doesn't get a good work placement she will find herself stacking greasy plates in RestaurantShithole. Her problem.

I have a similarly dreamy and non-practical ds; atm supposed to be making his way from the Reading festival, haven't heard any reports so far but am assuming he is still alive. Yes, it's been continually frustrating but he's managed to stay alive until 18 and will probably manage a bit longer.

Definitely second the idea of finding an absorbing new interest. Now is your time.