Wanting a Christmas at home!

[JKCR2017]

Apologies that is only August but a couple hours ago MIL asked us what our Christmas plans were. Eek..

Myself & OH are fortunate enough to have our families live within a 20-30 minute drive of our home, although they live in different directions.

Most years we visit both my parents and the in laws on Christmas Day betore rushing back to get DS to his dads by Christmas Day evening. We spend half it in going from one house to another rushing around as there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day. By the time we get home are exhausted and usually have a car load of presents to bring in.

I told mil that we hope to spend a day at home this year. She seems to understand
and actually told us she was thinking of going away for Christmas as all her younger children are going to be abroad travelling.

But it’s my mother. She won’t accept it. Christmas at my families is tiring. They are so loud and over powering. I find it too much.

People are welcome to visit us. But we are fed up of doing all the travelling ourselves.

I cannot remember the last time I watched some typical Christmas TV on Christmas Day!!

Anyone else in this situation?

May I add, I am unable to cook for many on Christmas Day. I have a tiny oven and a small kitchen. I can just about cook for ourselves! 😂

I think the trick is not to get into a routine that everyone expects you to do every year. I happily visit people before or after Christmas Day but we haven't travelled on the day for a few years. I would give alternative options ie we're at home this year but it would be lovely to see you on 23 December.

Disfordarkchocolate has it right. However, as you have started the routine you just have to stop it. The way to do that is simply to say we’re not coming.

Life’s too short. Just say you're not going. What’s your mother going to do?

Last year I insisted we have Xmas day at home, just the 4 of us. I was fed up of rushing present opening and breakfast, then having to get straight on and start cooking to be out the door by 12.30. I was missing out on relaxing watching the DCs play with their newly opened presents, the DCs were getting wrenched away from the new stuff they were engaged playing with, and it was bloody stressful. We hosted everyone on boxing day instead. T'was bliss, and I didn't even change out of my PJs
Thankfully half the family were very pleased with the suggestion, and the others were willing to go along with it. I have everything crossed they'll be up for it again!

I'd try to stick to your guns with your DM OP, but would a compromise be them coming to you on Xmas day and bringing a few dishes to reduce the amount to squeeze in your oven? So you need only do a small turkey, and they bring a ham/beef/similar etc? This is what we've always done for meals with family and friends, inc. Xmas, and it works nicely.

Don't wait for her to start the conversation. That way you're on the back foot. You bring up your plans, tell her what you will be doing and that you will see her at some point over the festive season. Do it over the phone with your eyes closed if it makes it any easier. But honestly, once the routine is broken, it'll never be as difficult again.

The rule for us is that kids stay at home. Family is welcome to visit. Some of my family come to stay every other year for a week or so and it is stressful, but the kids ain’t moving :-)

Yep. We refuse to go anywhere on Christmas day.
We have our own little traditions and routines and we are happy enough for people to come over but don't think it's fair to take the kids away from all their new presents to sit bored at someone else's house (especially as we don't drive so it would mean staying overnight or expensive cab fares).

Our parents had plenty of chirstmas days with us, now it's time for us to create Christmas memories for our own kids and have a seperate day to celebrate with other family members.

“Thank you so much for inviting us. But we’re going to be spending the day home.” Job done.

OP, did your mother have all her Christmases with her mother? Is that why she thinks you should be there?

When we had DC we made it clear to both sets of parents that we were spending Christmas day on our own. This didn't go down too well at first but they got used to it. We then visited/hosted on the other days.

Thanks all. We will be spending it at home. Myself and the OH have never had a Christmas Day at home together for the full day with DD & DS. So I will look forward to it. we usually get up, open presents, have dinner, go to my mums, go to the in laws, get DS to his dads. It’s exhausting and we don’t get to chill until Boxing Day 😢

My mother does spend every with my grandparents. My mum and Granny are pretty close going on holidays together etc. My family would probably be seen as a little ‘clingy’. I see them as much as possible but I like to do my own thing and they don’t really understand I like my own space!

We had to break a routine that had become established of Cmas day at one end of the country and Boxing Day at the other. It was exhausting for us. We just told the in laws what we would be doing and when we would see them and I explained to my Mum that we wanted our dc to have cmas memories at home not on the road - she understood. I think as long as you do make time around that season to see people, they will get used to it but you must do what suits your own little family as you’ll never get those years with little ones back.

With 2 children I’ve always had from the start that If you want to see them Xmas day then they come to us- but evening time after we have eaten :)
I love the relaxed family time- and wouldn’t want to stress about cooking for lots of people (small house too).
Boys get a chance to play with their toys.
Boxing Day tradition is always go with the in laws to clumber Park for a walk and buffet at their house.
My family live over 1 hour away and mum and Dad are separated so just see them when I can x