Birds and bee chat for 6 year old

[Looloolex]

AIBU, 6 year old daughter just told me that daddy told her how babies are made..ok, I say, but surprised as DH and I hadn’t had spoken about how we would handle such questions..I digress...”daddy’s private parts go in mummies private parts and a few days later an egg develops and a baby grows in mummies tummy”...the latter I can cope with...the private parts bit I’m uncomfortable with. Don’t want her going back to school thinking and talking about this. DH flipped that I’m criticising his handling of this. I wanted for retain her innocence a while longer and quash the curiosity on this topic. Help...we’ve a 3 year old too. AIBU?? Help...DH now got the strops...

I don't know, I think he handled it well! I don't think it's too early if she's asking the question.

Speaking from experience, it's very hard to turn aside these questions. Especially if you don't want to outright lie to them, and you don't want them to be afraid/negative about sexuality.

I recently avoided explaining about privates going inside privates by the narrowest of margins when asked (yet again - for the umpteenth time in the last year or so) 'but how does the seed get to the egg'. This time I escaped by explaining that sperm can swim. She already knows they come out of the daddy's willy and go into the mummy's vagina - but I don't think she's thought through exactly what proximity would be required. I'm pretty sure it's a brief reprieve.

Seriously, the SAS should use inquisitive 5 year olds for training recruits in how to resist interrogation. Then again, that might break too many.

Just be glad she didn't ask you this time...

It's such a personal one! My eldest is 5 and I also have a 2 year old. We have always used the anatomical names for all body parts and we have discussed the 'sperm' from a daddy and an 'egg' from mummy making a baby. They don't know more than that but when they ask or when it's appropriate I will just be honest. We have used the term 'private parts' before too when discussing body autonomy and we've just done the NSPCC pantasaurus which they loved :).

She is still innocent she is just informed. If she is asking it is important to answer her questions in a truthful age appropriate way. Well done to your DH for being honest.

It honestly sounds like you're husband did a great job handling it

I presume she started the conversation and it wasn't just something he fancied discussing during the adverts? How would you have handled it?

She did start the conversation as desperate for another baby sister..no pressure! I'm just shocked as to how honest he was..think I would have mumbled something about love and changed the subject 🙈. I'm just worried that his honesty will lead to follow on questions..

I think he handled it perfectly. Perhaps best he did it if you would get flustered by such a normal question from a child to his/her parent.

Answering your child's questions honestly and age appropriately doesn't make them any less innocent, it reassures them that their parents are the people they can come to when they want to ask questions, however difficult, and that they will get a reliable and straightforward answer.

It's far better to drip feed this information and answer their questions as they arise than plan some big reveal when they've already heard all sorts of misinformation from other children and gained a sense of it being something you can't talk about.

I would suggest buying some age appropriate books that yoire happy with and adding them into the bookshelf/bedtime story repertoire for both your children, and make it less of a big deal.

As far as my children are concerned they've never not known this stuff so it's just fact. And they know they can ask me anything. And they can raise an eyebrow at the rubbish they're told in the playground and trust that it's not true because I have talked openly and honestly with them first.

Your dh was probably put on the spot and did the best he could under pressure. He didn't lie and come out with some nonsense abotj fairies, he didn't go into intense biological detail etc, so he did OK. Maybe use this as an opportunity to discuss how you do want to go about this stuff together. Children never pick a good time to ask their questions...

Thanks Quickwash..will look into age appropriate fact based books.

I've had that conversation just this week with DD1 (6 in September).

She already knew there was an egg and a seed and the baby grows in a special sack in mummy's tummy (did that at 2.5 when I was pregnant with her sister). She was insistent she wanted to know HOW the seed got there and I told her. Much the same as your DH. Used all the correct terms. She looked frankly aghast 😄

I also explained it was for grown ups, and sex happened between people who care for each other. And i stressed she was to come to me and DH with any questions and it wasn't for general conversation (the first time she asked it was at top volume at the breakfast buffet on holiday, so I told her to ask me later)

Sounds like your DH did a great job.

Lots of people don't like it so maybe try and have a look at the library, but I like Babette Cole 'Mummy Laid an Egg'

Sounds like your DH did a great job. Much better to give factual, age-appropriate explanations than to gloss over it and make it an evidently taboo subject, or give bullshit explanations. It drives me nuts when people do either of these as they're both routes to ignorance or hang-ups, and as a child who ended up both ignorant of sex and with hang-ups about it, I can testify it's not a helpful position to be in when you get older.

I'm just worried that his honesty will lead to follow on questions

It will. And that's a good thing. They need to think things through, then ask you the next question - which means you get lots of chances at explaining things properly! Best advice I got was: answer their questions honestly, but only answer the actual question - don't expand. When they're ready for the next bit, they'll ask.

Oh, and this time round, DD also asked me 'so if you don't want to have a baby, do you just throw the seed away?'
Umm yes, that's exactly what you do. Didn't explain hormonal contraception maybe should have So we've effectively had a first stab at the contraception talk. At age 5!

I didn't really have to explain much to DD, then 9, she'd read loads of books, she just didn't understand how the sperm got into the egg. She loves David Attenborough, so I said it was the same as animals mating, and asked her what she thought they did. She said, "I know they chew each other's ears a lot!" 😂 I waited until DS2, then 5, was in bed, then explained.

They don't always listen. Ice explained to my two (8 and 6) in a very matter of fact way. The 8 yr old is still more confused than.the 6 yr old.

I think he handled it really well. I’m a firm believer in old enough to ask old enough to get an age appropriate answer. Ds2 asked the question about how the seed got in to the mummy he got an answer I got an eeewwww. I feel it’s important for children to know that they can rely on us for the truth.

Yep DD (5) knows in a matter of fact way. She also knows that if you don’t want a baby to grow you can take ‘medicine’ to stop it happening and then if you want one you just stop taking the medicine.
It helps we have spent a lot of time in a farm environment with lots of animals including baby ones. She knows about how birth happens and csections.
I am currently pregnant and she asked me today if the baby would Have a bottle like a calf or milk from my udders 😂😩

I feel it’s important for children to know that they can rely on us for the truth.

Completely agree with this.

I'd second getting a copy of mummy laid an egg. It is brilliant.