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Parenting

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Original poster

Lock on door?

37 replies

ThePants999 · 26/08/2018 16:57

I've seen many people say it would be horrendous to lock a toddler's door. But I've seen equally many people recommend putting a stair gate on the door. I'm feeling pretty stupid, as I don't see why there's any difference. They both prevent the child from getting out without parental assistance.

I've got an almost 2 year old who currently sleeps in his own room, in a cot, with the door closed, which he's fine with. I want to move him to a toddler bed, but he will absolutely get out, open the door and wreak havoc, so I need to prevent him from doing that. I can't fit a stair gate without removing the door, so what would be wrong with a bolt on the outside of the door?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Shannaratiger · 26/08/2018 16:59

I wouldn't bolt the door, but mine never wrecked anything just came straight into us.

flumpybear · 26/08/2018 17:03

Difference is you can hear what's going on with a stair gate however understand that they can climb over it and can be more dangerous - I bought a higher stair gate but had it for my 2 year old
Never lock a small child in a room with a door lock - that's awful and claustrophobic plus dangerous

lorisparkle · 26/08/2018 17:10

Could you put the stair gate somewhere else which would prevent the havoc but enable you still to have a door on the bedroom? Or could you look at different stair gates. We had a special one to prevent our dc going outside if our conservatory doors were open. I would never lock a child in their room. How would they feel if they needed you in the night and could not open the door to call you.

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dementedpixie · 26/08/2018 17:14

I'd just leave him in the cot until he's a bit older tbh. Stairgate is different to locking a door as they can see over and through the gate. Why would you need to remove the door for a gate?

Finfintytint · 26/08/2018 17:14

Just remove the door and fit a stair gate.

dementedpixie · 26/08/2018 17:15

We had a gate at the top of the stairs rather than on the door

Original poster

ThePants999 · 26/08/2018 17:25

Difference is you can hear what's going on with a stair gate

We have two baby monitors plus a camera in there, no problem hearing what's going on :-)

Never lock a small child in a room with a door lock - that's awful and claustrophobic plus dangerous

Claustrophobic I can somewhat understand, although he's already used to the door being closed all night so I don't expect that to be an issue. "Awful" and "dangerous", though, is exactly what I'm asking about - why isn't a stair gate equally "awful" and "dangerous"?

I would never lock a child in their room.

Again, I'm not understanding how a stair gate isn't doing exactly that.

How would they feel if they needed you in the night and could not open the door to call you.

He can always call us via the monitor.

Stairgate is different to locking a door as they can see over and through the gate.

Okay. There's not much to see, though - he'd be able to see the landing. We'd be downstairs, or in a different bedroom.

OP posts:

Original poster

ThePants999 · 26/08/2018 17:28

We had a gate at the top of the stairs rather than on the door

We do have one there. There's a whole lot of trouble he could get into in other upstairs rooms, though.

OP posts:

Finfintytint · 26/08/2018 17:29

Why can’t you temporarily remove the door?

Bluebelltulip · 26/08/2018 17:33

In an emergency a stairgate can be opened or stepped over by emergency services, a locked door would delay access.

Original poster

ThePants999 · 26/08/2018 17:35

I'm not talking about a lock with a key, just a bolt. From the outside, the door could be opened as quickly as a stair gate.

OP posts:

BadgerFace · 26/08/2018 17:42

When we first moved DD1 into a bed I was terrified that she was going to fall down the stairs in the middle of the night as they were outside her door and we’d not been in the house that long. Our stair gate was quite complicated and so before we were able to put it up at the top of the stairs I made my husband put a hook and loop on her door so she couldn’t open it without us. We had a monitor and her room was next to ours so we knew when she needed us. My husband wasn’t keen on the idea but it was better than the risk in my view. The hook was pretty flimsy (for an adult in a crisis) so better than a bolt for me. We got the stair gate up a few months later so also a short term problem.

We’ll be moving DD2 into a bed soon as I’m in two minds what to do with her. We already have a stair gate on her door but I am a bit worried she might try and climb over it and fall down the stairs as her door is even closer to the stairs!

Finfintytint · 26/08/2018 17:44

I’m a retired police officer and bolted bedroom doors is an indication of neglect or abuse. If you don’t have police attending your home then crack on with locking your child in. No one will ever know.

Ilovecamping · 26/08/2018 17:50

Friend of mine turned her door handles upside down, had to push handle up to open door

flumpybear · 26/08/2018 19:26

@ThePants999 - not 'you' not hearing anything, your poor child locked behind a bloody door! That's awful and as pp said above neglect goes hand in hand

Have you thought about a better home set up? Do they still have sure startvdir some advice for clueless parents

Original poster

ThePants999 · 26/08/2018 19:45

I don't WANT him to hear anything when he's supposed to be asleep...! That's kinda why the door exists in the first place, and why he's (very happily) slept with it closed since he was 4 months old, without being neglected in the slightest, thanks. Still waiting to hear a plausible explanation for why it would be awful.

OP posts:

JacNaylor · 26/08/2018 19:46

We used a stair gate across the bedroom door, the difference to me:

Stair gate:they can see over and through, shout to/communicate with you, you can potter around nearby until they feel secure but are still contained.

Locked door: they are behind a solid door, can't see you, hear you or communicate with you. Can't get out so would be left feeling quite isolated and vulnerable.

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 26/08/2018 19:51

I wouldn't put a bolt on. Not sure why, I just wouldn't. I would do a hook and eye latch though. Same effect but can't get stuck in a crisis. If you can always hear and see him via the baby monitor then I really don't see how it's any different from a stairgate.

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 26/08/2018 19:52

Actually if anything it's safer as either way, he wouldn't be able to get out of the room without you and in case of a fire, a door would actually delay the spread longer and block out more smoke than if it was open with a stairgate.

Mumof4under10 · 26/08/2018 19:54

We've turned the door handles upside down so have to push up instead of down. I know people who have put bolts on doors but I just wouldn't feel comfortable with that. I'm don't know why tho. Can you not put locks on the other rooms you say he could cause havoc in?

WillowB · 26/08/2018 20:34

Is there a particular reason that you need to move him into a bed at this point? If you can leave it a while until he's less likely to wreak havoc then I would.
Have only just moved our DS who is almost 3. We have 1920s doors and he can't reach the handles once they're shut. He absolutely hates them being closed though and will get really upset so I tend to just leave it ajar.

NerrSnerr · 26/08/2018 20:36

If he's fine with the cot why not just leave him there for another 6 months or so and then he'll be able to understand a lot more about staying in his room.

supercalifragilistic2 · 26/08/2018 21:15

The issue with a lock/bolt is if you have a fire and your unconscious, the fire brigade comes and gets you out, they go to check other rooms, it can take precious seconds to work out why the door won't open and then more time fannying about locating the lock/bolt in a dark, smoke filled hallway, A stair gate is obvious and usually fairly standard to open. You can also just step over them assuming your not a toddler.

Maybe look at the type of stair gates and try and find an alternative.

For me locking a child in their room seems almost negligent and abusive (although I know that's not your intention)

supercalifragilistic2 · 26/08/2018 21:17

Alternatively turn the handle upside down, we did then and ds has yet to work out the handle.

We do shut our ds's bedroom door when he's settling down, but an actual bolt seems almost wrong?

Foodylicious · 26/08/2018 21:22

If you have monitors etc, you would hear them open the door and get to them before they get to create 'havoc' surely?

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