Reassurance please anyone

[ZoeSusan]

Hi Guys 
^Basically, I wrote a thread the other day- as my ex was on his final chance to be civil in front of the children- he wanted to still do stuff together 'as a family' so Thursday evening I picked him up from work, took him fish and chips and we sat with the kids on the beach and ate tea. Then we went off to a local park to watch a show. While we were there he all of a sudden turned really angry and said I was pissing him off and he wanted to go. He then started calling me a fat ugly c**t in front of the children and also shouting. He has been given chance after chance to stop this behaviour in front of the children and he was warned after he apologised last time that this was his final chance. In my eyes he's blown it.
Yesterday I didn't hear from him at all and today he phoned to see if he could take the kids out. I said he could if he arranged for someone to come and collect them because I didn't want to see him. He said 'none of my family want anything to do with you' so I said, all they needed to do was collect the children, not have a conversation with me. This didn't happen. He then threatened me with the contact centre. About an hour ago he phoned me to see if he could come up for a coffee to see the kids. I said no because I don't want to see him. He said he doesn't particularly want to see me either. I thought about it, and because I felt like I was in the wrong- messaged him to say I will get the children ready in the pushchair and meet him outside with them if he wants to take them out. I have had no reply.
I don't know what to do. I don't want him sitting in my home as I don't think that is going to help me move on. I'm coming up with suggestions and they seem to be knocked back. Advice please anyone?^

I think you'd be better off with a contact centre to be frank. Don't let him near your kids unattended. People like him don't just stop being a wanker because you're not there....he'll do it to the kids too.

He had no fear of upsetting them did he when he called you those names in front of them?

He will; do it again and you won't be there to protect them.

Don't let the fucker see them.

Call the contact centre yourself.

AjasLipstick
Thank you for the reply. I'm not sticking up for him in any way at all, but I can't fault him as a father- he adores the children. Unfortunately he just seems to take out his moods on me- I've been reading up on narcissists and it's seems to describe him to a tee. He just seems to want the children around me all the time. I didn't get a reply when I asked if he would like to take the children out if I got them ready in the pushchair. He tells me to move on but then still wants pictures of himself up in my house and wants to hang around me all the time doing 'family things' confusing

I think calling children’s mum names and shouting in front of them does fault him as a dad to be honest.
I’m also not in favour of separated parents spending time together as I think it’s confusing for children and often leads to tense Interactions or full on arguments.
Tell him that there needs to be fixed regular time with the children and you won’t be there. You can use contact centres that just do the pick up and drop off for these situations

He might "adore" them in the way only a narcissist can OP but that doesn't mean he's good for them.

My friend's narcissistic ex turned her small children against her.....filled them with fear of her and now he has full custody.

An outsider might say "Ah the courts don't fall for that....she must have been unfit as a Mother"

But they DO fall for it. People like my friend's ex are very clever and my friend's life has been like a made-for TV movie for the past two years. Awful.

I am not saying your ex will do this but be very, very careful.

Agree with previous poster. He's called their Mother a cunt in front of them. He doesn't love them in the way he should. He's abusive. That's emotional abuse to them.

Thanks guys, and oh my good AjasLipstick that's awful!! I feel like he's capable of such spitefulness.
His brothers ex girlfriend took her children away from the whole family and wouldn't allow any contact- I always wondered why, and promised myself I would never allow that to happen to them. As they seemed truthfully upset at the fact they weren't allowed to see them, but now I think I can see why. They're poisonous. I think the whole family are narcs, especially his mum. She couldn't stand my exes attention being anywhere else but on her.
And to be truthful I think they've tarred me with the same brush as his brothers ex since I got pregnant. Which is unfair, but this is their issue

It was and still is terrible for my friend. She's the most sane, lovely woman ever. Once she left her abusive husband though, he did EVERYTHING he could to carry on controlling her.

He hated the thought of paying child support to her....I mean HATED it. He referred to her as "the leech" and in the early days when he only had his kids at weekends, he wouldn't allow them to refer to her as Mummy....only as "The Leech" or "The bloodsucker"

He told them she was evil and bad but pretending to be nice. They asked her about this and she was horrified but naive and allowed contact to carry on....thinking he was just angry that she'd left.

Then the children's behaviour toward her changed slowly and they began to refuse contact. He'd engineer things so he'd keep them longer and longer until eventually he just would not return them.
Court by this point was no help.

Oh my goodness, my heart breaks for your poor friend.
He said the other day he's waiting for me to have a heart attack so he gets the kids (I'm not slim but I am by no means obese) although he is making out I'm on deaths door.
My children are 3 and 1 so I'm worried that they will become very impressionable. His family are so poisonous. I just wish I could pack my bags and leave. I really do. I feel like this is depressing me and crushing me so much. He's got so much control over my life because of those 2 innocent children. I know I seem like a pushover but I can't stop him seeing the children, my conscience just won't let me. He ends up making me feel sorry for him somehow

I agree with PPs. I think in this case the contact centers and doing things "by the book" would be the best option.
Make sure you get copies or save any inflammatory messages he sends you from now on if by e-mail, text, messaging services etc. They might help you in the future.
The contact centers will be allowing him to see his children not preventing him from doing so and in your words he "threatened" you with them anyway.
I would also be seriously looking into getting a solicitor to help get things sorted so that strict contact time can be arranged.
That time will be "his" time and not yours and you will not be obliged to go with him during this time. I think he should be perfectly capable of taking the children out for a few hours twice a week or so on his own.
I know it is hard and requires a lot of strength in these situations but you can do it, just like countless others before you!
Remember, you gave him a chance, he created this situation himself not you!