I feel like I've let my son down already.

[YoureawizardHarryP]

Just feeling a bit shitty about things right now and need to verbalise this..

My son is 5 months (first baby). He was transverse and didn't turn so on the paediatrician's advice I had an elective C section. I didn't labour with him. I have a son but I don't know what labour feels like. I feel like a bit of a fraud as a Mother, like I didn't put in the hard work to have him.

I also struggled to breastfeed and this in part contributed to PND. As a result my son is on formula. I feel like I've let him down in this respect too. I'm so jealous of other Mum's who can breastfeed, to the point of being internally disappointed that another Mother I know has overcome her feeding issues and is exclusively BF'ing. I hate that I feel like that.
He's happy and so so so loved, but I just feel as though his start in life wasn't what I wanted for him. And that breaks my heart.

He'll be fine, none of this will be relevant in a year.
With my second I went into labour at 28 weeks, she had multiple serious illnesses and is under neurosurgeons for damage to brain fluid regulation from meningitis, but there's 2 ways of looking at it.
Either I can think I gave her a bad start, blame myself for her being early and everything she went through. Or I can realise it was out of my control, be glad that shes happy and mostly healthy, and focus on her now rather than the past.

Think about the nice moments with him now, cuddles, playing, songs etc rather than his birth which he has no recollection of, or what milk he's having which again he has no understanding of.

This is my third child and he was transverse but luckily he did turn, however had I needed a section I wouldn’t have thought myself less of a mother because I didn’t labour this child. Honestly you’re not missing out on some magical moment!

The HARD part is carrying the baby!! That’s the difficult bit. Have a section is much more of an event than labour anyway

As for breastfeeding, it’s normal to feel this way if you don’t breastfeed from what I’ve seen but rest assured that as long as your baby is fed that’s all that matters. In a year or so this won’t matter st all, but babies are so boring that we fret over the smallest of things

I would give birth vaginally with no pain relief every day for a year before I'd go through the first 6 months of the first baby again. You think you didn't do the hard work? In the nicest possible way, ha ha ha ha ha! Labour is SO not the hard bit! The hard bit it being a mum for the rest of your life. It's also the amazing bit, though. Which you're ding really well, obviously.
I do think talking might help. It's great that you talked on here, too.

Good to hear that you are getting medical help and it may well be that you need to up your dose.

Of course you haven't failed your child in any way whatsoever.

My dd had a vaginal birth and was breastfed until nearly a year, ds was born slightly premature by emergency caesarean and put on formula after a few months because of my medical needs. Nobody who knows our family would say dd has any kind of advantage over ds. Ds is a strong healthy young man who knows he has been loved all his life and who genuinely couldn't care less about the practicalities of his early months. Dd has various health issues, but again the crucial thing is that she knows she can always count on the support of her parents. As Hump said that is the hard bit. And the bit that matters.

Glad to read that you have some medical support OP. There's so much emphasis on birth plans and I've seen more that one friend go through similar feelings to yourself when things didn't go according to plan. The only thing that matters is that you have a happy, healthy child and once you're past these feelings, you will will feel so much better. Lots of mothers don't have contractions for planned and unplanned reasons, you're really not missing out.