New baby and feeling resentful

[Spanglyprincess1]

Bit random but woundering if this is normal? I feel very resentful sometimes to my dp since having my son seven weeks ago.
I'm with the baby 24/7 as exclusively breast feed. I do all the nightfeeds and day feeds plus generally all the other stuff. Dp is self employed so works from home, I try and leave him alone as he's at work. But he works ALL the time. He works every weekend plus all weekdays and sometimes dosnt finish until ten at night. He also works away 14 weekends a year - including this weekend in Scotland so it's five days he is away. So tbh I feel very unsupported sometimes as we get no couple time but also I get no support. Ive asked him if he could start earlier and therefore finsihing by seven pm, but he never gets up really before nine am as he's a night owl. We also have three step children here 50% of the time.
I'm honestly not sure if it's normal but I'm starting to resent the constant working of dp/ lack of support. If I say anything about him finishing early he starts on about me being on a paid holiday (mat leave) and he's not lucky enough to get paid to not work.
Btw I should say dp does tidy the house everyday -not cleaning but tidying eg making beds / clothes washing etc. I do all the cooking including his lunch/breakfast. He also does buy me flowers/chocolate as surprises occasionally. So he is a nice person.

He's been a lovely baby today so much better than last two days - do life's a bit easier.
Going to see if dp will do early shift and feed eg the six am ones as his kids are here and wake up before seven most morning then he can at least have some time with them ( might not work but it's a plan!).

Update n it's a bit shit. Dp got home after five days away, came in and said hi to baby and took him for an hour while I slept - all great.
Got up fed baby. Asked dp what he wanted for tea, when we were having DSC tommorrow and what plans were for next week when kids are here. He was horrendously snappy saying I don't know stop asking me questions. I said there is no food in so are you doing a shop before DSC get here as there isnt much at all, he then snapped he didn't know.
It's broken me. I don't know why I'm so tierd from the weekend and baby still colicky. Been crying now for over an hour, he's apologised but I can't seem to stop crying. All I wanted was a cuddle after a shit weekend

Sounds like you're both tired, try talking in the morning.

Big internet hugs
Everything seems magnified through the lens of sleep deprivation and newborn struggle.

Your partner defo sounds like he needs to step up. On the baby front if it’s colic hopefully things will improve soon. I’ve blanked newborn weeks 2 to 8 from my mind but it got lots better quickly after that.

Could you do an online shop so there is always food and no one has to plan and get out to do it?

I really feel for you, and I read these threads to see if anyone else feels the way I do sometimes. My baby is 5 months old and it does get easier with time. However I am so tired and I often think when will this end?
I found with my OH I literally had to spell it out for him how sleep deprived I was and am. I exaggerated a little just to make him see how bad things can get. Sometimes you can't see or even think straight you are so tired. It helped my situation.
I also think that ( just a suggestion) consider the bottle. It enables you to have a life too and with you being happier so might the baby. I really wanted to BF but I was becoming exhausted and quite down about it and once I stopped my family were able to help.
They love being more involved and having time with baby.

If I were you, I'd definitely be going on this holiday. Honestly - before you break. If you break- everything falls apart. You are the most important one here. Look after yourself x

Thanks. It is the sleepi think. I'm just broken

Sleep deprivation is awful and doesn't help anything. It'll heighten any little thing and sometimes make you seem
Irrational. At times I have to text my friends and ask if my behaviour is rational to certain things ... as you actually lose your mind.

Remember this WILL pass and ASK for help !

He stayed up to settle baby in night and slept with him but I did the feeds. So we have had similar sleep -but I've been less interupted. He's supossed to have started work but gone back to bed complaining he's tierd while I'm sorting baby. So this means he will be working late and we have the three step kids tonight.
I'm not sure if I've actually gained ground or not tbh. Though I did sleep a little better for not having to settle baby (takes an hour) during the night

He wouldn't have that luxury of he wasn't working from home, does he realise that? How old is your dh if he can't take one night of interrupted sleep? Still if he does it every night I think you've gained in the long run.

37 so he's not old

He is 37 and already has 3 children - presumably they also cried when they were babies? It’s not like this is a revelation to him, he is choosing to leave you the shitty end of newborn parenting with his work as an excuse.

I don't know ref kids point, he has them in early /mid twenties. He does try and help but I struggle to sleep if baby is screaming as it makes my boobs hurt/ me stressed.
I love my son but it's getting me down at the momment - I strongly suspect a lot of how I feel is sleep deprivation. I also took the Cambridge pnd test thing online and scored high, so I'm going to talk to HV today about how I'm feeling.

My family comment on how bad his time management is and that he needs to stop working constantly but achieving little ( disorganised). He works every weekend and evening, so we don't have much family time.
He does sometimes make time for the dsc when here eg taking them to hobbies/days out but then works late. But then we loose out again as a family.

Has he considered a new career or a more structured working pattern because it just sounds ridiculous.

I've suggested it repeatedly but he doesn't want to and I won't force him as not my place. I've said I need more time in evenings

Honestly just go on holiday and leave him to fend for himself for a bit, he obviously likes his job but he fails to balance it with family life. Very few people I know would put up with a partner who works extra evenings and weekends because they want to (unless financially it was necessary) especially with a young baby.

Yeah I'm minded to tbh. He is a good dad eg loves the kids and wants to see them / spends money on them and does hoemwork misses the mark on balance sometimes.. HV was concerned and has asked me to go to the GP regarding my mood for some support. So hopefully that will help too.