At what age does every outing you have with your toddler not end with you dragging them back to the car because they can’t behave?

[Nemz716]

My 23 month old is driving me crazy at the moment. She’s an only child and whenever I take her out she becomes this horrible child who does everything she shouldn’t even when told off or asked not to. She refuses to do anything asked of her and just becomes a complete horror. I just end up trying not to completely loose my temper and every outing end with me feeling cross and frustrated and dragging a grumpy toddler back to the car. Its never a good outing for either of us.

Can anyone offer any help or advice. I’m really struggling with her at this age and I’m a stay at home Mum.

Where are you taking her? Is it a place she actually wants to be at? Play parks can be frustrating at that age because they still can't play on the equipment independently. Are you expecting her to walk ? Maybe she is getting tired. Tough age that one.

Haha. This is why season passes were invented so you can cut your losses!

Keep everything short and make sure there are plenty of snacks, water, shade etc.

Like planning a wedding - cater for every eventuality!

🤣 your posts reminds me of the time I had to carry a toddler under each arm kicking and screaming out the supermarket. I couldn't get them back in the car seats so just shut them in car and stood outside. A lady offered to go in and get me some bits and a bottle of wine for when they were in bed

Sorry OP parenting get a different not easier, mine are 8 and 7 now and bicker constantly.

DS turned 3 in June. We managed a walk around the town centre yesterday, went into a toy shop and didn't buy anything and didn't have a complete melt down. Small victory.
I found telling him exactly where we are going and what for helps. If I do something he doesn't know about, he tends to lose it.

I find including them in the decision making and giving a running commentary of where we are going, what we're doing etc helps. Negotiation and distraction (and snacks) are both good tools to use!

They're still a bit young but when you get to 2.5 ish, take them somewhere they really, really want to go. Clear rules about acceptable / not acceptable behaviour and that, if they don't listen, you will go home. Zero tolerance - a warning as soon as anything you're not happy with slips out. Next time they misbehave, pack up, scoop up and leave.

Generally, it only happens once when they know you mean it.

Yes I agree with @FusionChefGeoff

Fond memories of leaving Zoo after a stern warning.

Also with mealtimes etc

If a warning is issued make sure you can see it through if needed!

25!

Thank you for the tips! There’s definitely some good ideas for me to try. Think maybe a break is in order too. Maybe I can persuade my OH to let me have a day off and have some me time.

honestly, I think the answer is learning to understand why these behaviours come out, and how they are appropriate for age. shes not even 2, she will be frustrated over the tiniest thing, she will want to investigate everything and not understand why she cant, she will not want to share and she will want to do everything in her own time. there are times where you need some cooperation so learn to pick your battles. going on outings for fun should be just that so pick things she will enjoy, time them to be when shes not tired, leave before she becomes overtired. go places where you can go for short bursts and build up from there. it really is very normal, but if you believe your childs behaviour is horrible, and get angry and cross and frustrated about it then youre causing yourself more upset than is necessary and nothing will really change. you cant change your toddlers behaviour because its developmentally normal, you can change the environment and how you respond to them. I hope that sounds helpful, I am coming from not only a parent point of view but decades as a nanny, ive spent time with many different nearly 2 year olds, and you just learn to understand and adapt. if you wait for them to just grow out of it it wont happen because as they get older there are just new challenges. best method is actually learning what is happening for them and learning how to handle it in a way that is understanding of that whilst still setting boundaries. this article may be useful attachmentparenting.co.uk/project/minimising-power-struggles/

When you work out that age, can you let me know when every night on holiday doesn’t involve me cajoling my 2.5 year old to sleep sitting in a darkened room getting more and more pissed off.
At home she goes to bed like a dream, holiday is just too exciting, but the excitement the next day she’ll be knackered for and miserable as hell.

I think it depends on the child. My DS is 5.6 and I generally avoid going anywhere with him.

My DD is 2 and a dream, she gets excited going to the tip. Second child though so generally more chilled and used to be dragged around after the eldest!

I have the opposite really. I drag mine out of the house to go out because they drive me potty at home. They are generally very good when we are out. I do plan though, I have good timing so dc2 can have a nap in the car, then there's time for a bit of doing something, then some lunch etc. I think I have been into town with them both on my own about twice. I work part time in town so do what I need at lunchtime We regularly go supermarket shopping , they seem to like it.....

I agree with Kettleonplease. 2 is still very young, and kids of that age get bored/tired/awkward. Distract her, give her something she likes when she behaves well, and take her o the park or somewhere during the trip

I few things I found were giving warnings and timings when leaving somewhere. I usually make up the numbers, but I say 10 min left, 5 min left etc. my friend puts a timer on her phone

Also big up where you’re going next. Going home to eat lunch/watch tv/play with random toy/see the cat. I’m not above bribery either. Get in the car/buggy and you can have this snack or toy. I keep a few random toys in the car and they are exciting enough to be a distraction. Packet of raisins is always a good distraction/bribe too that won’t spoil lunch.

My DS was 3 in June. He still does this so I don’t think they grow out of it any time soon sadly

I realized with my second that I expected far too much of my first. I expected her to be interested in things she was too young for and concentrate for much longer than she was able to. Local park with some friends, ice cream then home is the best possible outing at this age. Or a couple of friends in the garden with a paddling pool.

I was much less ambitious with number 2. Particularly after he said, in the middle of Leeds Castle, “Us go home mum mum. Watch Bargain Hunt togevver”. It became my parenting mantra.

My DD is also 23 months, but she is the opposite, she’s generally on best behaviour when we are out and about, it’s at home where she becomes a stroppy madam. She shouted at me to ‘calm down’ the other day when I told her (very calmly) that she wasn’t to climb on the back of the sofa. Like a PP I find a running commentary of what we are doing and what we are doing next while we are out, and it generally works unless I am asking her to get off the swings

She is very, very young, and toddlers can’t reason much.

I found it was good for my own state of mind to stay in positive mode. Laugh at things, shrug it off, distract, say ‘let’s talk in our happy voices’ and do it. Walk away from battles rather than engage. Change the routine to avoid the usual stand-off points.

It’s hard, and you do need some ‘me’ time.

Mine's 11 and still had to do this. I think I was 16 and a variation of this happened to me as I was being a complete cow.
Good luck!

Mine is 2yr +4 months, she behaves better when she's got a task to help with. Putting things in a basket, holding something for me. Or I ply her with (mostly) healthy snacks to keep her occupied. We still have the odd strop, then she gets a warning and goes in the pram/trolley if she still does it (tiredness is a big factor).

I discovered I have a pack child. She is at her best when part of a group of kids. On her own she will not walk too far, but with a bunch of kids she goes for miles, never complains. Always try to have a few other kids around when we do a bigger expedition.