Worried about 8 year old

[Lushmetender]

I have 3 kids but my I worry about my middle one. The other two seem to have friends that like them but my middle child, despite going up and saying hello to other girls her age, they either walk off or give her a dirty look. I’m not sure how to help her. She is a little intense and doesn’t seem to spot social cues but shes v loveable and highly sociable to all. She’s not had many play dates as I don’t know who to ask. I don’t know many of the mothers and the ones I do are a bit like that with me.

I hate situations like this, thinking of a child being left out. Exclusion is a form of bullying imo.

My DS was gregarious, he went to a small school and all the boys in his class were sporty, he didn't fit in but it didn't bother him too much - he was liked, he just didn't have the same interests as the other boys, he was (and still is) really booky.

BUT when he went to secondary school, he found his tribe and flourished, he LOVED secondary school.

This didn't make DS unhappy, if your DD is suffering and lonely, I'd talk to her teachers, see how she's getting in with peers in class time, explain your worries to them. Consider after school activities she might like.

Good luck, it's hard on us mums when we our kids are struggling.

I’d start by talking to her Teacher OP. They should be aware of any problems and should be able to tell you how she is socially at school.

Thx teachers just said she was on her own last year - asked them to encourage inclusion but started a new year. Says she’s had the worse day ever as no one would play with her. She gets a bit intense but not sure how to overcome that. It’s the way she is!

Are you in the UK OP? If so, I’d ask for a meeting with the teacher and discuss what they think the issues are and how they are going to tackle it. If the children are actively leaving her out and being mean, you may want to have a read of the school’s anti-bullying policy before you meet the teacher. It may also be worth asking for the person responsible for SENCO to assess your DD.

It must be awful for her if she’s not liking school. Does she have any friends out of school or do any activities?

Ask her which of the children she'd like to be friends with and invite them to special things - picnics, beach, BBQs? I used to invite my DS' classmates to the local swimming pool (just 2 or 3 at a time). Obviously if they weren't nice to him, they didn't get an invitation. It seemed to work.

Hi yes uk- she was so looking forward to going back to school and it’s a good school - and has rights respecting values which they try to teach all the kids. Part of the issue is with the face I didn’t have a good time during antenatal with her so I didn’t have a lot of friends to organise play dates with so probably needed that to learn social cues. I definitely think she needs help however. She’s bright but is v stubborn and is a leader but can’t understand why people won’t play her games. What is SENCO?

She sounds just like a girl in my dd class. She struggled for the first few years and now, going into year 6, has found a small group of girls who are completely on her wavelength (inc. dd) who are understanding when she doesn’t always get things right. This year has been the best she’s had and her mum says she just hadn’t found her feet until she was about 9. I agree talking to the teachers would be a good idea. Is there one particular child that you start to encourage a friendship with? So that she experiences some success and becomes more confident.