If you had PND would you know yourself or would someone else tell you you were?

[annaspanna]

I am feeling pretty S**t. I have 10 wk old DD & 2.4 DS. I have everything i ever dreamed of but i cry nearly every day. Is this normal? I feel like a crap parent & snap at DS several times a day. He is extremely demanding but i am ashamed to say i lose it with him, Not violent but shouting so loud i'm hoarse. Every day i wake up i say i won't shout today because it's fruitless but i inevitably do. I feel a rage inside & find it hard to supress.Just potty trained him successfully after 3 wks hard slog indoors so this has probably made me worse.

I keep thinking i can't cope. I whinge all the time about how tired i am & how I am just a skivvy.I keep panicing about social situations & i don't go out if i can help it. I don't want to speak to people.(how rude!!!) I Don't have a lot of family support so feel quite alone.On a vain note no matter how little i eat i still can't lose the 2 stone i need to lose post baby.All my clothes don't fit so still in maternity.It's normal to feel like this i expect? Or would you say it's depression? How do you know?

10 weeks is VERY early on. Please don't beat yourself up for being knackered, not wanting to be social and/or not having lost your baby weight. This is all perfectly normal.

If you feel like you are not enjoying life at all and aren't 'yourself', it could be well be PND. I eventually admitted defeat and 'diagnosed' myself after months of feeling crappy I knew it had to be something other than just baby blues / the general stress of new motherhood. However, nothing was realy resolved until I started talking about it and being open about it - with my DH, my close relatives, my close friends, and amy doctor. Is there anyone you can talk to?

Sounds to me like you may be suffering from PND. Have you spoken to your HV about how you have been feeling?

agree with pinkchampagne. also may be worth getting checked over with GP in case anaemia/underactive thyroid could be contributing to your feelings of tiredness/lowness.

I think you do sound like you may be suffering from PND.
At 10 weeks it is still VERY early to be worrying about losing the baby wieght and the poty training of your ds was possibly something that could have waited. Do NOT be trying to lose weight by eating little you need to be eating properly to give you the strenght to look after your 2 children. You are not being rude by not feeling social. I found it a big shock going from 1 to 2 children it is so hard to share your time between a demanding toddler and newborn.
Please please speak to your hv or gp about this getting the right help will make all the difference. Also maybe pop the baby in a sling or pram and get all 3 of you out of the house for a walk even if it's raining, I am sure your ds will love splashing in puddles just getting dressed and getting out can make all the difference. Most of all EAT you need to take care of yourself the 2 stone can wait.

Yes love angel i have a good friend but i'm a bugger for not admitting my feelings. I've had 3 people say i sound like i have PND thats why i asked the question. I really am not liking myself at the mo. Always moaning & miserable.

It is early days i suppose your right.

DS didn't sleep thro til he was 2. I had SPD & Pregnancy insomnia both times so i think maybe 3 years without a full nights sleep may play a part( but other MNers have it so much worse i hate to moan) My dad - 76 - is in hospital after me & sis had to get help for him for either depression or dementia- yet to be diagnosed & i worry about him all the time.It's been a living hell. He's having Electric shock treatment now & i put him there. [guilt emoticon]

annaspanna i had pnd right from the beginning but i didnt know it was until a good 18 months after. i had a very traumatic birth which ended in a crash section but it took me so long to know that was why i felt so bad. i dont mean for a minute that you shouldnt be feeling like this as yours i take wasnt the same as mine but the feelings you have were what i used to feel too. it may be just a phase at the moment with you and potty training your ds in 3 weeks is great. if these feelings start to drag on for a long time thats when you need to seek some sort of help. i too used to avoid people for the fear of them noticing that i hadnt bonded with my son and didnt want people fussing around me.

Thanks for all your posts. It a great help to me.

If i do have PND tho what does the GP do? How can they test you for it? I am BF so reluctant to take any medication if not necessary. I wud worry they would think i was unfit mother you see? My HV is quite good but very textbook.

Sounds like you're having a bit of a stressful time in general. I can relate to the sleep deprivation (my 2 yr old still doesn't sleep through every night) and to the SPD/pregnancy insomnia (suffered both hideously badly). Most of all, I can relate to being reluctant to admit your feelings / weaknesses. I was so bad at bottling things up. I just felt I couldn't possibly be that person - that pathetic woman with cringe PND. But bottling it up just made it much worse in the long run. It gradually turned from feeling like shit to having quite a bad social phobia (almost got out of control) and feeling really incredibly low about myself, and bleak about life and my future. Telling my DH, mum and eventually my doctor was a turning point. Starting to take better care of myself and being militant about having some 'me' time (that I used prodductively - for exercise, pampering, seeing friends etc) also helped hugely. It was a long old road though.

Are you taking care of yourself? Is anyone taking care of you? I'm going to come across all Denise whatsername from This Morning now * adopts kindly Geordie voice * but you really shouldn't be suffering in silence. Talk to someone who'll listen and be supportive. You need a hug and some practical support.

GPs usually sugest anti-d's, counselling/therapy or a combination of the two. You don't need to feel pressurised into anything (helps if you can bring your partner or a close friend to the GPs with you for moral support and to back you up in your decisions, as I don't know about you, but my judgement really went way off when I had PND and I was just shit at sorting out in my head what to do for the best..).

You don't have to take anti-d's. They aren't for everyone (they weren't for me). Counselling or some other sort of talking therapy might be helpful?

hi anna. there is a questionnaire you can do on line. i think its called the edinburgh scale, or something, to assess pnd. maybe someone could do you a link?

i had a bit of post natal trouble. never dx, though. i'd just ring up dh in tears begging him to come home . do get some help, love. i wish i'd had had some counselling, tbh. good luck xxx

Loveangel you make me cry because that is all so true. My DP is not the most supportive but he doesn't mean to be.He listens but doesn't understand really.

I have zero me time. I haven't since DS born. His sleep probs were horrific, really really bad. He still wakes every night but only briefly so i call it sleeping thro!!! i don't have mom as she died when i was young My friend has decided to move near me again so I'll talk to her. She's well understanding.
But i always brush it off. I have for years. I think it may have come to a head & now i Have to face i need help.

Most gp's will offer a combination of counselling and anti-d's. If you really feel that you don't want to take medication then give the counselling a go but there are tablets out there you can take when bf and I know many many people who have done.
I know it is hard but try and talk to someone my friend never she always thought it would go away and it resulted in her being alone in the house with her toddler and trying to commit suicide. She got help and has now had another baby and is well on the right road now. I am not trying to scare you just help you see how out of hand these things can get. There is no shame in admitting your feelings and your gp or hv will be sympathetic.

some of the thought patterns can be a bit scary with pnd. i think thats why i didnt seek help. i was frightened of being judged. please talk to someone. i actually rang up a helpline once, which made a difference.

Crying is good. Crying is better than not crying! You've just got to get to a place where you aren't crying / wanting to cry all time! On the man front - its really hard for even the most supportive man to really understand PND. He still needs to hear how you are feeling though, even if he doesn't fully understand / doesn't like it. If he's your partner, this affects him too. He has to face up to it as much as you do.

Talking to your friend might be a good starting point, too. I found friends much more understanding than I had imagined they would be, generally (even though getting the words out of my mouth was so hard - I had to practically choke them up and spit them out! Hated 'admitting' I was depressed...grrr...).

Practical help - now that's a tricky one. But if you can get some initial help from your GP and family, you will start to feel a bit stronger, and that's when you can start getting a bit more organised on a practical level and making sure that no matter what, there is some time in your day / week for YOU, a time to really relax mentally and get away from being a mother. God knows, we all need it to keep our sanity.

Good luck xx

Thanks for all the good advise. I make things worse for myself i think by by dismissing my feelings because other people have much harder time of things. I feel i should be coping better than i am. I take my hat off to anyone with more than 2 children who manage without family support & anyone with twins or triplets you must be saints. I am also aware how lucky i am to have children at all.

Had rough night with ds having nightmares night so very tired again. It always makes things seem worse.

I am going to do that internet test edinburgh scale if i can find it. Thanks for all your help everyone. & If not i'll go to the docs & ask about thyroid. I never thought of that. Might expain the weight problem i have.

i was diagnosed with PND but it was 5 months before i saw my GP really shouldnt have left it so long but reached rock bottom with crying, shouting, shutting myself away etc. would count the hours to when partner came home and just handed baby over.The worst feeling was looking at my baby and feeling numb not this 'overwhelming love' i was expecting to feel. That still makes me sad! Anyway had ADs for few months and HV helped. Strangely 6 months later was diagnosed underactive thyroid GP unsure now whether initialy symptons were PND or my thyroid, so its worth getting checked out. My DS is nearly 3 now i still get stressed but think thats the usual trying to balance work and a very busy toddler. do talk to your GP or HV neither of them judged me that was the start for me of climbing out of a deep hole. Good luck

So sorry to hear that you are having a bit of a bad time right now. It might be the last thing that you want to do at the moment but try a mother & baby/toddler group. I haven't suffered with pnd but i have found toddler groups really supportive when you haven't got many friends/family near by - it's good to get out of the house & meet new people.
Hope things improve for you very soon.