4 yr old wakes the baby shouting at bedtime

[Celiasausage]

Trying to get my 6month old finally into a bedtime routine which I've avoided up to now due to my 4yr olds bedtime shouting. She always says that she won't do it, but still does.

She will go to bed fine but within around 30 minutes begins shouting for things... we can go up and down the stairs several times as the requests change. More water, her duvet is wrong, doesnt like the picture on the wall, theres a funny smell etc.

It was an annoyance up until now but she is now waking her brother up with her shouting and I'm losing the plot with her. We even bought a monitor for her room so that she wouldnt need to shout us loudly, but unless we're there in seconds, she starts shouting.

I am now doing the baby's bedtime routine downstairs and carrying him up once the shouting stops and DH sees to her demands whilst I have a sleeping baby on me. However, DH goes out to do hobbies a couple of times a week so I have the 2 children to juggle. He put my 4yr old to bed tonight before leaving for his hobby, after he left the shouting began and I was stuck between waking up my baby asleep on me to deal with 4 yr old or leaving her shouting and crying.

I left her shouting for almost 2 hours.

I eventually went upstairs and shouted at her, making her cry. What is the answer here? She is stopping me frm getting her younger sibling into any kind of routine with all this shouting. I am also losing my patience and getting extrmemely angry. I understand however that shes suffering some form of separation anxiety at bedtimes, but I've no idea what to do about it! This has been going on for months.

Stop getting her the things she asks for. She is doing this because she just wants attention and is probably jealous of the baby and the attention he gets. When you put her to bed say she's not to shout as you're not getting her anything and if it gets too much go into her room and firmly say no and tell her to go to sleep. Only do this once. She's 4 that's old enough to understand

She keeps on saying that shes "scared" and crying... would you still avoid comforting her?

Do you think that she's maybe feeling a bit jealous of her younger brother getting the attention?

Perhaps try and take her out one afternoon for some bonding time.

Hope you find a resolution soon

She was doing it before he was born so I'm not so sure whether it is jealousy. I think shes a little jealous at other times though.

Stop pandering. As part of the bedroom routine do a check on what she usually asks for "where is your drink? Which teddy tonight? Anything else needs sorting?" At bedtime tuck in and explain she is big enough to sort her own blanket and that you will see her in the morning. Explain you wont be coming up again. And mean it. Itll only take a few days before she gives in. At which point start the babys bedtims routine.

You have my sympathy.

I have a 4.5 year old and a baby who had just turned one.

My 4.5y/o is a nightmare at bedtime and it can take up to two hours for him to go to sleep from when we put him to bed. He’s constantly getting out of bed, asking for things repeatedly, shouting, crying etc etc and it’s exhausting. It’s every night and it’s been going on for months.

On the odd occasion that I have to do bedtime alone with the two children it is a total nightmare - it’s just awful.

Thankfully my oldest child sleeps on a different floor of the house to the baby so it’s not too bad but I would still say that three nights out of seven the baby is woken up by my eldest and all his shenanigans.

Tonight it took just under two hours for my 4.5y/o to stay in his bed and go to sleep and that was only because my husband went ballistic at him! It made my son cry, which of course wasn’t night, but we are so fed up with this circus every night

My brother was like this and his turned out to be dreadful short sightedness that meant he genuinely was petrified of being alone as he couldn’t see and it was worse in the dark. He was 7 before we discovered it and once he had glasses a lot of his bedtime messing stopped.

@iamthere123 has a really good point, actually. Definitely worth a trip to the opticians

I spent a long time juggling 3 (my husband used to work away) so I know how you feel! It's hard work isn't it.

These phases do pass, but I would agree with PPs and answer any questions/requests before bedtime. Do you need a drink? Do you need a wee? Which teddy tonight? Here, I've got your duvet just how you like it. Then when she starts shouting you can respond with something like "it's bedtime, bedtime is for sleeping".

Mine are 8, 6 and 2 and bedtime still involves a lot of dicking about. I have to tell the older two almost every night - bedtime is for sleeping. You've had all day to play and chat, now it's time to be quiet. Then I go downstairs and bang my head against a wall 😂

If she says she's scared I would reassure her as I put her to bed, that there is nothing to be scared about. She's saying that so you'll come running.

Is the baby upstairs? Id try and sort her bedtime out first. Husband may need to take a week or two off hobbies to crack it. Keep baby downstairs, do the bedtime checklist, tell her what's happening, and then rapid return. Don't engage, just return to bed.

Can you sit with her while she goes to sleep? Either with baby asleep on you or put baby down in another room first. I’m guessing it’s just a phase and all her shouting for things is her way of communicating that she’s stressed/scared on her own and she needs you.

It won’t ‘make a rod fit your own back’ or anything like that, you’re just doing what she needs for now and I’m guessing she’ll go to sleep quicker and you can then go downstairs, etc so you’ll end up with a nicer evening. Unless you sitting with her makes it worse, in which case you’ll need a new plan.

We have had 2 nights of no shouting after confiscating her favourite toy for 24 hours after I began this thread. So far, so good.

I wish I could put the baby down in another room at an earlier time but that is another story and another thread..! 😂

That's brilliant