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Parenting

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Original poster

Left in the trenches

15 replies

bristollady · 20/08/2018 21:06

Bit of a ranty post coming up - sorry!

Anyone else feel irrationally annoyed when left alone all day and evening with kid/s without warning?! DH decided to stay out for after work drinks today without telling me. Only texted at dinner time to say he wouldn’t be back. He doesn’t do it very often and he is brilliant normally, doing his fair share and more. I just feel annoyed at being left in the trenches on my own without warning like that! I always book my ‘time off’ well in advance if I’m going to bugger off and leave! He works hard and does deserve to let off steam but after kids I think steam letting should be booked in, otherwise it’s not fair.

I’m more than capable of doing dinner and bed time alone but after a full day of toddler wrangling and having expected a bit of back up at the end of a long day, I’m just a bit fed up to find myself flying solo.

Can I get an ‘amen’ from anyone else who has been in the same boat?!

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Teacherlikemisstrunchball · 20/08/2018 21:15

Tbh I do this more than DH does as I am vastly more social. Kids go to the school I work at and if they’ve been picked up by DH for whatever reason I will grab the opportunity with both hands to go to the pub! However he works shifts so I do the vast majority of bedtimes and stuff etc most of the time.

Teacherlikemisstrunchball · 20/08/2018 21:16

I do know that feeling of wanting to be rescued at the end of a long toddler day!

PlatypusPie · 20/08/2018 21:24

My husband had quite a late commute anyway, but took him quite a while to really understand that I wasn’t policing his occasional after work drinks, I just wanted a quick text to let me know so that I could arrange my evening differently, eat with the children etc rather than wait for him.

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Original poster

bristollady · 20/08/2018 21:33

Yes exactly @platypuspie - a text so I know what to expect is what I want. I didn’t eat with her and have ended up not having any tea at all now because there wasn’t time in all the feeding/bath/bedtime fuss and then I went past it, if you know what I mean, and couldn’t eat.

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bristollady · 21/08/2018 01:08

Ugh in addition he has come home drunk and has been snoring so loud it’s impossible for me to sleep. Have had to decamp to the sofa to try and sleep but it’s so uncomfortable that I can’t. Did I mention I am 30 weeks pregnant?! I’m so angry right now I could cry!

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Astrid2 · 21/08/2018 01:16

Omg I do and thought I was just being crazy! My DH is always 'just going' somewhere. Just going to Halfords or just going to the car wash when all I want him to do is just come home so I can go to the loo in peace or have a cup of tea

Original poster

bristollady · 21/08/2018 01:20

@Astrid2 haha! Yes exactly! We don’t get to ‘just go’ anywhere, do we?! You can’t ‘just pop to the shops’ with a toddler - it takes about an hour to leave the house!

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Astrid2 · 21/08/2018 01:28

Totally. And they always chose the evening when the child has been the most hard work all day.

If I said 'actually would you just come home ' he would in a flash but I always feel bad like I'm not coping if I say that so I just get irrationally mad until he arrives home and I shove a baby at his before he's even in the door and can say 'I'm just going to the loo' (for 45 minutes at a time

Original poster

bristollady · 21/08/2018 01:40

Yes, same. Luckily she was in bed when he arrived but he did his damnest to wake her up, stumbling about, knocking things and shutting doors. I just know tomorrow is going to be even worse because he’ll be hungover and mardy and I haven’t slept a wink all night. We’ve got a family event tomorrow as well. I’m going to turn up looking like shit!

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SleepingStandingUp · 21/08/2018 01:41

Yup, I don't Caerwys is you're going out but I need to mentally prepare for no relief and doing bed routine.
I'm now lungworm to go out for longer if item just be me and Ds, I'm less conscious is getting back for X time and I'll know I'm only power weeing until 9 pm

Singlenotsingle · 21/08/2018 01:44

Have you been to the pub as well, sleeping?

Bouledeneige · 21/08/2018 07:52

Spent a lot of time parenting on my own with XH taking weekends or longer away, last minute nights out and then since divorce fairly continuous periods of just me and then since they were 5 and 7. You just learn to pace yourself. The only times I felt it was really tough was when they were ill and I'd spent all day trapped at home - I can't bear to be indoors all day.

I know it's very righteous but you should consider yourself lucky - there's lots of single mums on here who never get respite.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/08/2018 11:29

Worryingly not...

Rainycloudyday · 21/08/2018 11:35

Why on earth did you go to the sofa at 30 weeks pregnant? Wake him up and kick him out of bed if he's disturbing you.

Original poster

bristollady · 21/08/2018 16:18

@bouledeneige Sorry to hear that. It must be so tough. I’m aware that I am actually really lucky and having watched my mum do it all by herself I know how hard it can be. Just need to gather up some of her strength, I think, and channel that!

@Rainycloudyday I would have but he was totally sparko - starfished and unconscious! It was easier for me to move that to try and shift the hefalump! In the end he woke up himself at about 3.30, realised I wasn’t there and came to say sorry. He also took the little one this morning so I could sleep for half an hour extra so that was good.

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