I’m at my wits end to the point of thinking there is something clinically wrong with my daughter. She’s 4.5, intelligent, very active, articulate and ‘strong willed’.
Background:
Me and mum split up at 2.5 YO. She was a bit ‘well catered’ for them, but looking back all the immediate caregivers went overboard with ‘looking after’ her and frankly we spoilt her. As an only child she’s been used to undivided attention. 18 months ago my partner and I introduced our children having been together a good while beforehand. my daughter and her lads at this point at 4.5, 5.5 and 8. There’s been jealousy mainly from my girl and a bit of rough settling in. All vastly improving.
My issue is now: if I ask her not to do something totally reasonable, she’ll do it. If my partners boys ask her to stop doing something that’s bothering them it becomes a game to her. She’s disciplined for any of this type of behaviour and has been for quite some time (let’s say a good 12 months of firm and consistent discipline).
It is not making any difference. I think some of it is attention seeking, and I’ve tried making good 1-2-1 time for her, assiring her that she’s the most important person to me in the world (and is). Reward charts don’t work, I have house rules pinned up. You name it I think I’ve done it.
My two big issues are
Ask her not to do something and she’ll do it until she’s punished. A lot of that takes the form of being sent to her room so she can’t get attention for it. She even exhibits this behaviour when it’s just me and her.
Also, she seems to take delight in tormenting my partners lads. They’re both very wet behind the ears. Ive told them to do it back to her (my hope being it’ll make her stop). But when they do, to her it’s just fun.
What do I do? No matter how often or how severely I punish her (I don’t smack) it doesn’t alter her behaviour.