3.5 yr old absolute nightmare at toilet time!!!

[knat]

my dd has been training for an eternity (approx 12 months or more!!!!) She goes through phases where she will go on toilet willingly when put and no accidents and times where she will just wet herself and just carry on without saying anything. When she does go to the toilet she never ever asks its always at my initiation. Lately we've had 30-40 min battles in the bathroom because she won't get on the toilet. I refuse to give in without her at least trying as she just will not let me know when she does need to go. I know that most people will say you shouldnt make a battle of it but i've tried everything. Leaving her to it, rewards etc etc. She's very strong willed and prone to an amazing temper where she hits and screams and is easily frustrated. I just wonder if anyone else has had the same problem and any tips? Please please - i'm getting at my wits end now. Thanks

knat, my 3.5 year old still wets herself most days. She decided to give up nappies just after she turned 2. I went through a phase of being really annoyed with her for wetting. it didn't change anything. So now, if I notice she's wet I just tell her to get clean knickers. I don't say anything else. I figure that she'll get there in the end. There is no point stressing and now we're both much more relaxed aboiut it. Don't force her to go to the loo, it'll end up as a battle of wills.

First time mumsnetter and I just noticed the age of your dc who are still having problems with toilet training. My ds aged 3.11 is fine when he needs a wee but doing a poo has taken a nose dive. I have to be honest and say he wasn't alawys that keen, but we managed to get him used to the process and now he tells me he doesn't need when he's gigging around and then says too late and that he hasn't made it. No hiding to do it in secret. Can anyone help. Starting to worry about letting him play at friends unless I'm with him. (sad)

HI
I am a first timer aswell.
I am having the same problem.
My dd is 3.5 yrs and I cannot get her to poo on the toilet!
She is pretty good at going to wee and most of the time she asks, but if I think she needs to go and she dosn't wat to we have a battle on our hands even if when she gets there she does a huge wee.
I am pulling my hair out and have tried as much as I can think of to help her. She starts Nursery in September and I really want her toilet trained before then or I don't know what I will do.
She seems to have regressed slightly with the birth of her sister 8 months ago, plus we moved here from Australia in March and are living with my parents. Its all a big change I know but we were having this problem when we were at home aswell.
Any suggestions will be gratefully received. I am currently trying not to make a big thing out of it and just change her and clean her up when she has been. She keeps saying sorry and wanting a Kiss and a hug but I just ignore her and get her dressed so as not to make a big thing of it. I guess we will see if that works as Rewards don't seem to.
Good Luck to you all and maybe we can swap methods and come up with some positive results!

Oh yes, I know your situation well

DD1 is 4.6 and out of nappies since 2.4

Since then have had several episodes of regression (weeing)

NOt quite the battleground you describe in your OP, but lots of not bothering to go and not caring she's wet etc

Each episode lasts a couple of weeks and will involve a few accidents a day

I can categorically state that for DD nagging her, reminding her, star charts, treats, bribes, toy-removal, getting cross, praising for going/not wetting etc etc DO NOT WORK

The only thing that improves it is to COMPLETELY IGNORE it

So an accident gets greeted with an "Ok, go and get changed, then". And THAT'S IT

She's been dry for ages now (has the odd accident, but hey, she's 4) I suspect that age has improved it. She realises tht toiletting is part of the daily routine you go through... a year ago she just saw it as a hassle, a lot of the time

And in the grand scheme of things, It's not that serious, is it?

Good luck, I do know how frustrating it can be

Thank You!
I thought we were alone as everyone else is having success around us.
I guess it will all happen in the end.

x

My ds is 3.11 and has has been toilet trained for wees since he was 2, but still makes a drama about doing poos. He knows exactly when he's ready and then demands his nappy and does it in his nappy. He gets v.upset when we suggest the loo because he says he thinks it will fall out of the house. We've tried explaining and tried a potty which he's never been interested in. Anyone had a similar experience? Help? At the moment we are ignoring it and getting him a nappy but any hints at how to get past his fear would be brilliant!

My ds is 3.11 and has has been toilet trained for wees since he was 2, but still makes a drama about doing poos. He knows exactly when he's ready and then demands his nappy and does it in his nappy. He gets v.upset when we suggest the loo because he says he thinks it will fall out of the house. We've tried explaining and tried a potty which he's never been interested in. Anyone had a similar experience? Help? At the moment we are ignoring it and getting him a nappy but any hints at how to get past his fear would be brilliant!

George - try searching the archives or starting your own thread, you may get some helpful responses from people who have experience of this

Tips for avoiding hissy fits when it's time to go to toilet.

1. Say 'I know' in a really 'this is going to be good sort of a voice'---'I'll go and find your shoes, you do a quick wee then we can go outside'. Works 8 out of 10.

1. Shout from kitchen. 'Dinners ready, will you two boys go for a quick wee and wash your hands'. Nothing strange about that you may say but my two boys are 36year old DH and 3 year old DS. Works 7 out of 10.

After months of melt downs, these are still working for us.

Well I was about to start my own thread but since I could have written to op down to pretty much every detail I didn't bother. My dd is great at nursery, she never has any accidents as she goes to the toilet every hour no problems it is great, I know that she can do it.

At home it is a different matter , we got so fed up with the constant battles to get her to go to the toilet that the last few days we have asked her and stopped insisting. Occasionally she says yes and goes but always has wet pants, normally she says I don't need one, when I know full well that she does. Anyway since we gave up with battles of wills to get her to go to the loo we have just had wet pants and accidents. She doesn't even seem upset about it at all, I popped out this afternoon and when I got back I asked her what she had done and all she said was I had wet pants, as though it was news arrrgghhh.

Maxbear - are you ignoring it though? Or do you give her a bit of a mini-lecture when she wets herself? Am not being harsh, but with dd1 the more I spoke about it with her (whether nagging, gently encouraging, being factual or whatever) the more attention it gave it all

If she wets herself, or volunteers that she's wet herself give an extremely banal response along the lines of "Really? Right, go and get changed then" END OF CONVERSATION

It will get better

Hi there, just thought I'd share my recent experience.
DD trained herself at 2.5, a bit earlier than I expected at her own demand. Sorted herself out within a week, and hardly ever had an accident. About a month ago though, we had quite a little spate of regression, where she said that she didn't need to go to the loo, but then got caught short and didn't make it to the loo in time (this is for poos). It was actually worse at nursery than at home, but did happen at home too - nursery teachers and my own observation would reckon that she was just too busy to be bothered going to the loo until it was too late. Thankfully nursery didn't make a fuss at all, so I did the same, just very matter of factly dealt with it and got her changed, although I did show my exasperation once or twice when it was the third set of trousers in a day.
Thankfully it only lasted for a couple of weeks, and (hopefully) she's passed it now.
Breathe deeply, and remember: "This too shall pass".

ds asked for pants at 3.3 and then had 6 weeks of accidents constantly but also not wanting to put nappies back on. It was really hard going but we tried really hard to just say "oh the wees/poohs got in your pants perhaps you'll beat them next time." and helping him change with little other discussion. I would also make a bit of a deal of "sorry ds I would love to come and play with you but I have these wees/poohs to clean up" DS now very rarely has an accident but he does have either a very small wet patch from holding on too long, I don't comment at all on this or he will try on our patience by saying if you we don't let him do something he will pee his pants...we let him and then do as before of making a show of not being able to do anything with him and waiting for him to feel uncomfortable enough to change his pants (he is now 3.10)