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Original poster

Does this make me a bad mum?

26 replies

rosieposiesxx · 19/08/2018 15:56

DD will be 10 weeks old next weekend. My dad and step mother have offered to have her Saturday morning till sunday morning. She is bottle fed. I have said yes because me and DP are exhausted! And we need some time alone. However I feel like this makes me look awful Sad

She will only be 10 minutes away and very safe and happy with my dad, I just worry that I look like a crap mum Sad

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Firsttimemum892 · 19/08/2018 15:58

No it doesn’t x make the most of it

Atalune · 19/08/2018 15:59

You’re not a crap mum.

If you’re worried about this, can’t you go stay with your parents for a night away and DH has the baby and then he has a night away?

Truthfully, this is the reality of having a baby- Lora of sleepless nights! Could you buy earplugs and take turns at Having a lie in or naps.

I personally wouldn’t have liked to have been away from my newborn. But it doesn’t make you a bad mum at all. Be kind to yourself.

Original poster
rosieposiesxx · 19/08/2018 16:03

I dont like being away from her, but step mum will send me pictures text me etc and i am looking forward to a date night with Dp

I think I'm worried about what people (mainly DPs family) will think of me because I'm 20 and a young mum.

Oh well we will see how it goes! x

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Nesssie · 19/08/2018 16:06

I think it’s great that you have such a solid support network. And sensible that you are taking time to recharge.
Definitely not a bad mum.

MrsMozart · 19/08/2018 16:06

Enjoy it and recharge your batteries.

Even if you only last out a few hours you'll have had a break.

GreenTulips · 19/08/2018 16:08

My grand mother went back to work after 2 weeks (or everyone would starve)

One night can make you feel human again and that's worth its weight in gold.

Livinglavidal0ca · 19/08/2018 16:09

Aw OP I’m 21 with a 10 month old, my son stayed at my mums overnight at about 4 months old.
We lived with her for the first 3 months and although he was EBF, she had him overnight in her room so I wasn’t woken by every snuffle and could get a proper rest.
Being a young mum tends to bring more people saying “we’ll help you out” not sure if it’s because they think we’re incompetent or just being friendly but we get more offers than mums in their 30s for example.
Take every single opportunity of help. Don’t feel bad about it! The first time I got a proper rest really sorted me out and after that I was a lot less anxious etc. Enjoy date night!

Wheelerdeeler · 19/08/2018 16:09

No it doesn't. If you get a break you will be revitalised and in great form. Also your baby will benefit from bring surrounded by other people that love and care for her.

I can't understand people who don't let anyone else care for their baby. The baby will be secure knowing they have lots of people who love them and care for them in addition to their parents

Heratnumber7 · 19/08/2018 16:19

I think that the sooner babies/children get used to being looked after by someone other than their parents, the better.

God forbid you're ever taken ill or there's some other emergency that would mean you can't look after your child, it would be one less worry knowing s/he was quite comfortable being looked after by someone else.

My DPs has our girls for the odd night from about 2-3 months old, and we were very grateful to them. Our DDs still love us!

BertieBotts · 19/08/2018 16:22

It's absolutely fine! Gosh don't waste any energy thinking about what other people will think! It's about whether you're OK with it - not anybody else.

nuttyknitter · 19/08/2018 16:31

Go for it!

BackinTimeforTea · 19/08/2018 16:31

Of course it’s fjne and lovely that you trust your dad and his wife enough to do it - children need as many close relationships as they can get, I’d say it’s a good sign not a bad sign!

You must stop worrying about what dp’s family thinks of you, and trust your instincts.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 19/08/2018 16:37

If you will be ok without her, then it’s fine.

Why do you even need to tell DP’s family? It’s none of their business.

Enjoy date night and if Grandad wants to make it a regular thing, then let him 😊. It’s FAR better that babies/children develop strong bonds with other people. It makes them more secure in the world around them and should the worst happen to you they have other people who they are attached too. Children have limitless love, some people really don’t get that.

Enjoy yourselves 😉

DolorestheNewt · 19/08/2018 16:42

A sensible mum is a mum who takes (appropriate) help when it's offered. Martyr mums, not so much. Irrespective of age. Take the help and enjoy.

IceBearRocks · 19/08/2018 16:44

I didn't leave my kids with anyone until 18 months old ...but I am odd ....and thought it was a 1st time mum thing but it happened with all 3!!!

WooYa · 19/08/2018 16:45

Just try to enjoy it ☺️ there's every chance you won't last the full day but you can try 😬😂 x

MonkeyBrainsInPickle · 19/08/2018 18:11

I was 34 when I had DD. My parents had her overnight for the first time at 10 weeks. It’s no big deal 🤷🏼‍♀️ She has an amazingly close relationship with her grandparents now at three years. You’re not a shit mum. Historically there were much better support networks & family helped out more. I think it’s great that you have support.

katmarie · 19/08/2018 18:25

Do it, and enjoy it. It will be good for you, for your relationship and for your little one, and the grandparents will love it too. My mum and dad have had my 6mo ds overnight a few times to give me and dh some us time. It's very kind of them and makes a huge difference to me and my dh to have a nice evening and a bit of a sleep in together. Plus my mum adores ds, and doesn't get to see him anywhere near as much as she'd like (she'd see him every day if she could!) so I see it as a win for everyone. If I had any worries about ds not being ok I obviously wouldn't leave him but he seems to be perfectly happy to stay with gp's occasionally.

Mumshotel · 19/08/2018 18:26

Enjoy it and don't worry. You are a million per cent not crap at all. X

jlm2514 · 19/08/2018 18:31

I had my little one when I was 17 and took the help and it did me and baby the world of good he now stays at grandparents every weekend as he has such a close relationship with them, it's also a big help at the mo as pregnant with second Smiledon't bother what other people think I worried myself silly and learnt that the hard way @rosieposiesxx

rainbowstardrops · 19/08/2018 18:35

She's 10 minutes away - she'll be fine!!!

AssassinatedBeauty · 19/08/2018 18:46

No it doesn't make either of you bad parents. It's one of the benefits of bottle feeding that other people can feed the baby and you can take time away if you want to.

You can always change your mind and go and get her if it doesn't feel right.

MrsMonkey13 · 19/08/2018 18:50

Absolutely not. If they’re responsible and willing family members who want to help out, make the most of it. Baby will be benefiting from a happier and well rested family unit :)
My baby’s not even born yet and I have made prior arrangements for Granny to babysit in November so that we can go to DH corporate xmas do. It’s important to keep up the you time, even if it does reduce drastically :)

DaisysStew · 19/08/2018 18:55

My mum had my son overnight at 4 weeks old, I was on my knees with exhaustion (single mum) and was very grateful for the help. She lived just down the road and I knew if there was any problems she would call me right away. I felt like a new woman the next day after an uninterrupted sleep and it didn’t even cross my mind to feel guilty about it.

Relax, enjoy your evening and have a lovely lie in - the fact that you’re even worried about this shows that you’re not a crap mum.

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 19/08/2018 19:44

10 weeks or 10 years, you find some people will always have an opinion.
A lesson in being a Mummy, learn to ignore opinions of others!
If your baby is happy, healthy, fed and loved you are not a crap Mum!
If your Step Mum and Dad are happy to have your baby and will give her the care and love she needs, then go for it!

Being tired with a baby is pretty standard, wanting to have a minute to spend time with your partner is also normal!
You are being offered a solution, have a restful day, a chilled date night - take it! To hell with others opinions!

I never left my babies for 2 years! I got people telling me I was wrong for doing that! There is no win!
So honestly, go for it! Enjoy Smile

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