DD1 (3.2) seems a bit frightened of men.

[GlassSlipper]

Lately she has become shy of any male between about 16-30. She wont look at them, walks past them with her face turned the opposite way, hides in my skirt/trousers and almost whimpers.

I am trying to ignore it, tell her not to be frightened etc. Some people make comments which tbh isnt that easy to stop as it is quite embarrassing but i plan to pre-arrange some visits where the chaps/companions will just ignore said behaviour.

She cant tell me why she feels like this. It is a new behaviour as she has always been relaxed around most people we meet.

Any ideas on how to deal with it?

anyone?

Arranging to meet more men is a good idea - do you go to any toddler group, music group where men attend? At music group today there were two men (including myself), which made a change as I'm often the only one.

Is she the same around familiar men, such as dp/dh grandfather? Was she ok with them before?

Talk to her about it, talk about men you may see out and about - policeman, fireman, postman for example. Ask her if she is frightened of men... if something about men scares her.

Have there been any other recent behaviour changes?

thaks nannynick.

We go swimming every week but it is all mums. She goes to a gym club and there may be one man but mainly mums. She goes to pre-school but its all female staff and the odd dad does drop offs but not many.

She sees Dad lots. Plus Grandpa & uncle once a month. She sees a neighbour (60+) once a week and is fine with him but is suddenly shy of another neighbour (16) who she has known for ages but is ok with his brother (14).

This definitely is a new thing as she hasnt been shy like this since seperation anxiety
as a toddler.

She is finding it diffucult to tell me the problem but it seems to be men not boys. They had a photographer at preschool today and she wouldnt look at him to start but he persevered and made her laugh so then she was ok.

She has done a lot in terms of development lately. Out of nappies at night, new sister 5 months ago, speech come on in leaps and bounds. A real strive for independence.

I'm at a loss as to the cause which is so frustrating as I dont know how to make it better

Sorry no helpful ideas GS.
Hopefully its just a phase and it will pass soon.

Sorry GS no advice to offer unfortunately hope this phase ends soon.

I wouldn't worry too much glasslipper, dps two older son's used to be quite wary and shy of men, including dp he was quite upset about it but they soon came around (this was aged 3+4 btw - there is only a year between them). I think it is because men generally have deeper voices, are taller, broader etc, and also many children have little contact with men. Like you say m+ts is usually women as are the majority of adults at nurseries and playgroups. It's great that she came round to the photographer. Are there any men you know (relatives, friends spouses, etc) you could casually socialise with? Sure start are usually very good at organising dad sessions and employing male workers for instance. I would just continue to reassure her, and she will soon see men can be just as fun and friednly as you are and the male photgrapher was. hth

Sounds like your dd is still getting to see men, and did like the photographer after a while. Probably just a phase.

dd was simililar but with older men (especially with grey hair) she'd scream in terror (very embarrassing) We singled it down to one of the inlaws friends who is slightly deaf so has a tendency to shout, then it just spiralled to everyone remotely similar, she has got better, i tried to show men in a more positive light (the woodsman rescuing Little Red Riding Hood turned into the formerly scary Uncle X and was now a hero) She's still a bit wary (Uncle X has been great and sort of hides for a bit and then sidles his way in without making eye contact, she even held his hand the other day (a major major breakthrough) She's not scared of other men now but it was very frustrating, try not to make too big a thing of it and remember it will pass

HTH

thanks yaddah. i guess we have to keep emphasising how great men are