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Parenting

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Original poster

Terrible morning...now crying...I'm a terrible parent

18 replies

FelicityMontgomery · 04/06/2007 09:15

This morning we got up late so were rushing from the start.

Then DS2 needed his senna medicine, he refused to take it. He HAS to have it so After much negaotiation, bribery and threatening I ended up pinning him to the floor and tyring to give it to him whilst he was screaming.

It was horrible, looked like some sort of violent abuse. i was so upset.

Then while DS2 pinned to the floor DS1 stsrted tickling his toes to taunt him. I jusr saw red and smacked DS1's bottom, and then yelled like a mad woman and threw his breakfast in the sink.

I then calmed downfelt evry bad we all said sorry had a cuddle. i tried not to cry in front of them and they went to school and playschool.

Now I feel terrible though. i can't beleive my sons have to go through this sort of scene and trauma before goin off to school.

OP posts:

DANCESwithnewlytannedlegs · 04/06/2007 09:19

FM - don't feel bad, we ALL have mornings when stuff which wouldn't faze us drives us mad. You did not commit violent abuse, DH and I have to frequently grab hold of ds to get his ezcema cream on him and I don't see it as abuse.
The main thing is you calmed down and said sorry so your sons will have gone to school knowing everything is ok again. Please don't beat yourself up...motherhood is a blardy hard job.

CountTo10 · 04/06/2007 09:24

Oh I'm so sorry you're having such a bad morning. We all have days like this. I think the important thing is you calmed down and said sorry and your sons saw that you'd calmed down etc. I have done this with ds when I was having some problems and the guilt you feel after is awful - but i think the fact you feel it shows that you are a caring and loving parent - we none of us are perfect!! Do you have much support?

Carmenere · 04/06/2007 09:25

Jeez give yourself a break girl! I distinctly remember the one and only morning my mum ever pysically hit me. I was about 6 and was refusing to have my hair brushed before school. she shook me by my arm and leg. I have never forgotten it and now I know that I deserved it. The poor woman had 5 children to get out to school and I was being a brat. It doesn't mean that my mum wasn't a fantastic mother, she was and still is, she just lost it in a situation that would try a saint. Like you.

LoveAngel · 04/06/2007 09:28

You have my sympathies. My toddler has been unwell recently and there have been lots of pinning down epiosdes where medicine is concerned! (I always think 'If anyone could see me now they'd think I was a monster mum!'). I have also lost it a few times recently and it has really upset me. On Saturday my toddler was being so wild and out of control (it was a family event, a long, hot day etc - he was actually behaving like a normal 2 yr old...but hey...) I was tearing my hair out. The final straw came when I picked him up to stop him from running straight into an open, hot oven...and he grabbed a handful of my face and dug hus nails in in a very devilish 'I'm going to HURT you mummy!' way. I screamed, at him, almost threw him at his dad and ran off to the toilet to burst into tears. V. embarassing. Felt like the world's most unstable mother afterwards! We all have off days.

CountTo10 · 04/06/2007 09:31

Oh loveangel - I've had so many times like that with ds as he is a very boisterous child and I always used to end up in the toilet crying as I felt like I was totally incapable as a mother and that everyone was looking at me thinking I couldn't control him and that he hated me as he just used to hit me with such spite!! It wasn't until I started talking to people about it that i realised I wasn;t the only one!!

matilda57 · 04/06/2007 09:39

Mornings are NOT my best time, and if anything is going to career out of control, that's the time of day it usually happens. Many a time I've dropped the kids off at school and cried all the way home.

but then of course there's tea time, where a skirmish can break out, usually in the hallway, which acts like the perfect soundbox so all the neighbours hear every single belllowed word, scuffle etc.

Basically, parenting pushes you to the limit, the very limit sometimes. Hope you're feeling better soon Felicity (at least you said sorry - that's a big plus) X

PetronellaPinkPants · 04/06/2007 09:40

Oh god you poor thing
I had a horrible time with dd this am, again due to me being late I was trying to get her dressed and she kept refusing to wear everything I got out, in the end I just said RATHER LOUDLY "Right you will have to get yourself dressed I have to go and get my train" at which point she burst into tears and started shouting "I haven't even had a kiss goodbye" as I legged it out of the room

I felt so all the way to work (I did of course go back and kiss her and make up but still feel like crap)

Original poster

FelicityMontgomery · 04/06/2007 09:49

Thanks everyone.

It really was all very unpleasant, and I hate that DS1 will now have that memory of being smacked one morning before school. I really lost it.

I think it's the medicene thing that made me so irrational, he HAS to ahev it, but won't. i'd tried it in 3 different drinks and a yogurt until i'd warned himn I'd have to pin him down. Ifelt at the end of my tether, it was so horrible and then DS1 in my eyes delibrately made it worse and I saw red.

We are having lots of problems with ds2refusing to poo and constipation etc, I'm very stressed about that.

And now my computer is playing UP and I have a presentation to prepare for tomorrow.

Shit, fuck fuck fuck.

OP posts:

HuwEdwards · 04/06/2007 09:52

Felicity - would he have his medicine if you offered a chocolate button afterwards?

Original poster

FelicityMontgomery · 04/06/2007 09:59

No tried that Huw. It did work a few days ago but then he was sick aftre the medicine and button so has really taken against it and gets very distressed.

Even more distressed now obviously after the pinning down incident.

He's meant to have so much medivine, senna, lactulose and movicol and he hates all of it, I don't know aht to do.

OP posts:

matilda57 · 04/06/2007 10:09

Sounds like you need to address why he refuses to poo Felicity? As you say, if he's refusing to poo, then has a bad experience with the medication (vomits), it's all getting to be an escalating area of conflict. I feel for you hun - my boy is a terrible eater and has been all his life. Anything about our kids' digestive systems sends us to the max in a nano-second it seems - no wonder it all kicked off this morning . With my boy's food thing, I had to learn to lay off TOTALLY (bloody hard I can tell you!). Can you just let ds bung up and not make an issue out of it? ie not say anything about it like 'but if you'd just poo, this wouldn't be happening'. He'll realise it doesn't induce a reaction, and it'll probably lose it's appeal iyswim?

Original poster

FelicityMontgomery · 04/06/2007 10:31

I know you're right Matilda it is all becoming too stressful, for us all.
But he has to ahev the meds or he will get ill, and if he goes days and days without ging that will cause big problems too. (compacted faecal matter)

You are right though, I need to think how to address it more calmly.

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mummydoit · 04/06/2007 10:36

Oh poor you. Don't be too hard on yourself. We all have bad mornings. DS2 specialises in playing up five minutes before we're due to leave the house and I've lost it on occasion too. Just wondered, does the medicine have to be given in the morning? Could you give it later in the day when you're not so constrained by time? Or would he respond to a sticker chart? A sticker for every dose with a reward for a full chart (toy or other treat).

mylittlestar · 04/06/2007 10:47

I think you need to forgive yourself for losing it under those circumstances, you did what you could and said sorry, and you can give extra hugs and kisses tonight to make you all feel better.

As for the constipation - I think obviously that's your key issue and the main thing you should focus on. (My ds had this from a tiny baby so I know how difficult and upsetting it is.)

Probably stating the obvious but have you tried every available natural laxative? Hiding prunes mashed into his food, getting him to drink lots of water, fresh orange juice (always worked for ds)... perhaps accompanied by the sticker chart too? So you're not necessarily making everything about the medicine, more about rewards for eating his food, drinking xx glasses of water a day etc etc. Then a treat or reward at the end of it...

Then you could treat both boys equally and move the focus away from the medicine and the contipation? Reward them both for eating well etc. (Knowing that what you are getting him to eat will naturally be aiding his digestive system.) Just a thought.

krang · 04/06/2007 14:00

I echo the don't be too hard on yourself thing. It is a nightmare with medicines, isn't it? DS had a horrible eye infection earlier this year. I dread it happening again because I had to put drops in his eyes five times a day. I had to literally pin him down while he screamed and screamed until he was nearly sick (hates anyone touching his face) and it took about half an hour to calm him down. Then another half hour to scrape the muck off his eyelashes.

I bet when they get back from school they will give you a big hug - you're a concerned mum doing what you have to for your little boy's wellbeing, you're not an abusive monster!

Original poster

FelicityMontgomery · 04/06/2007 14:04

Thanks krang and mylittlestar.

I think it wsa the smack to DS2 that has made me feel SO bad. I never smack them and it was done in a blind rage.

Really not good and awful and unpleasant.

We did talk about it before school and i said Mummuy should never have done that no one should hit anyone and we had a cuddle.

But it's done and there's no going back, that memory will be there now.

OP posts:

kateyp · 04/06/2007 14:22

The memory may not be there though - I was talking to my Dad the other day and I was saying that the threat of a smack always seemed to work for him and I was never smacked. He looked rather surprised and said that I had been smacked on more than one occasion!

So it may be that he won't remember it at all. He might repress it completely like me! And I am normal. Ish.

littleshebear · 04/06/2007 19:55

I have had to pin my son down to give him constipation medicine, too - he was about 2/3, I think. How old is yours? I well remember the feeling of complete panic, as if you don't get it down you know they'll bung up and get really ill. Can't remember what I did in the end - I think I just put it in juice/lollies etc and tried my best.(You can put senna in lollies but you musn't freeze lactulose!)

He's now 14 and still on medication, but at least can be coerced into taking it most of the time. he also appears to have forgiven me! All I can say is that "pinning him down" never actually worked for me - it would all just dribble down his face and I would feel like a child abuser, because I got so stressed and cross.Just do your best, tell the doctor you're having problems and keep checking his tummy. Very difficult if they're not old enough to respond to a star chart/bribery or whatever. It's horrible to have a child with pooing problems, I say this as someone who's had two like this.

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