Hi everyone I’m new , I was just looked for advice tbh , this will be a long post so I’ll say sorry now
Basically I have 3 girls 8-6-2 amazing beautiful smart funny girls , their real dad isn’t involved we split up 2 years ago , due to his temper getting worse and as I found out the hard way he was sleeping around ( sti) , I left it took me a long time to get the courage to leave because of the girls I always said I’d stay and try and work it out for them but in the end I was miserable I went away for a weekend with friends the first time since having my 8 year old , met my now partner had a laugh I made it clear it was just friendship and he respected that we become very close friends quickly I found myself telling him things I hadn’t even told my mum and me and mum are joint at the hip , the day before I left to go home my soon to be ex husband sent me a number of messages threatening to beat me up and smash the house up because he had made his car insurance void , my partner asked me what I wanted to do I told him I need to leave him so with his support I left found somewhere else to live and took the girls , I allowed contact every weekend Thursday - Sunday because I worked nights so it fitted in with this and I would never have questioned him as a danger to our girls , 2 weeks in and my now 8 year began begging me to not go to him , she would literally scream the house down to the extent she told me she would kill her sled if she went back there so I stopped her going and paid my niece to watch her , my other 2 went no problems at all , my older daughter wouldn’t talk about it so I just made sure she knew she could tell me anything and she wouldn’t be in any trouble at all , 6 months on I let the girls met my friend now partner and asked them what they think they all loved him so I asked them how they would feel if I was to date him explained what that ment for my now 6 year old , they were over the moon , my 8 year old decided she wanted to try dad again so I let him know and then explain after a good weekend the weekend following. I couldn’t have the girls as my partner was staying over and I didn’t want the girls to get confused and think he was staying here or anything like this he said it was fine now he would collect the kids from school at 3 - 3:20 came and my front door was three open and my 8 year old was thrown in by her arm and I was told “ sort your cunt out before I knock her out “ , my partner stayed with her while I stormed off very angry to get my other children , put them to bed and told my daughter she needed to tell me what was going on long story short he had been hitting her with the new girlfriend ( I didn’t know he had one ) so I went mad , first of all he laid his hands on my baby second of all he’s had some strange women around my girls and was mad the kids well older 2 would call her mum , so I told him until he could prove he could sort his shit out his contact would be watched over by my partner as they got on for the kids , he refused - my 8 year old decided to take out her confused anger on me , I was kicked punched bitten spat on slapped I was covered in bruises and one day I had enough I broke down I rang my partner 4 hours away and told him everything he rang my ex who came round and we had to explain I hadn’t broken the family ect ect , and he started seeing the kids again - now I moved I moved 3 hours away with the girls for work the ex husband was happy with his as we had an agreement in place for him to see the kids he promised them he would be there once a month and they could go to him every holiday, he was going to. Call them every other night , 2 weeks after moving nothing not a word my eldest txted him from my phone every night for 2 months he never answered , She rang him finally got him o answer to where she was told from him to shut the fuck up she was a lying bitch he never promised shit and hung up , she was heart broken again my partner was there to pick up the parts and hug her back together again , my 6 year old has mentally blocked 90% of this out , my 8 year old had started wetting the bed having nightmares waking up screaming no , so because of the bond with my partner he sat with her and told her how special she was to him as well as her sisters and how he will never let anyone hurt her or her sisters she broke down - it turnt out my baby had been hiding more than she said , dad of ywar and the girlfriend had been hitting her with stuff in the house making her stay on her bed and not giving her anything slapping her in the face if she cried threatens to kill her if she told anyone and she walked in on then having a 3 sum described it in great detail they didn’t stop tho they hold her to wait a minute they were nearly done , I rang the police I took it extremely far and told the police if they didn’t take it seriously I would deal with t myself , my baby was so brave she got as far as video tape and froze even the police officer doing it said she wasn’t lying she was just frozen with fear over what they had her believe they would do , with the backing of social services I stopped all contact I told him he could send letters cards birthday gifts to my partners parents house , other than that he can wait till they are old enough to make their own choice but u TIL that day no way in hell will he get near my babies - that was year ago they have had nothing not a sigle card for birthdays or anything, my 8 year old has came along amazing such a bright happy full of smiles girl my 6 year old is a cheeky littl madam and my 2 year old is full of beans , my problem is my 8 year old has a lot of questions and she wants answers - she’s also been in the library and recently found out she can get my partner to adopt her and she is now demanding we take her to “ dad “ she uses his first name so she can demand he signs her over , she wants nothing from him .. what do I do - he is a scumbag don’t get me wrong I’ll never condone what he did to my girl but adoption ? The girls call my partner dad my 8 and 6 year old have made it very clear as far as they are concerned he is dad because he’s the one doing everything he can so they don’t go without he works 13 hours shifts so there’s enough money to help me with the girls and see to his own son from another relationship, my 2 year old only knows my partner although she will be told the truth but I don’t know what to do , I’ve spoken to her about why she wants it and asked her what it would achieve by doing it and she makes it’s very clear she doesn’t want “that man in her life , he is not her dad and never will be so why should he get the title of it “ but I honestly don’t know what to do , my partner has said he is happy to adopt her he said it would make him the happiest man alive but also said if I didn’t want him to he would understand that - it’s not I don’t want him to I just feel that adoption isn’t maybe too extreme , she will never get her answers because as far as he is concerned he hasn’t done anything it’s all made up . I just don’t know what to do . Can anyone help