Feeding newborn, day 3

[DrMelfi]

I had my baby on Monday and after a rough ride breastfeeding my first, I decided to go with the flow but not put too much pressure on myself regarding feeding.

It was all going really well - he latched brilliantly, no fuss, no reflux just fed and settled to sleep etc. But my milk came in this afternoon and I cannot bear the pain.

I've decided I am going to go for bottles, I considered combination feeding but I just can't stand the idea.

But how do I do it?! I can't remember how I gave up breast with my first - if I express it away to stop getting engorged, won't I just keep producing it?!

Anyone?

Can't help at all op but feel so sorry for you, bumping your post in case someone else can.

Just googled and nhs said the following (screenshot attached) about managing engorgement, just in case it helps.

Maybe phone nhs direct?

Good luck anyway, hope you get what you need.

Thank you for taking the time to post @PassTheAfterEights

I hadn't seen that on the NHS site so that's helpful. I have the midwife coming out to me today so hopefully can have a good conversation about it all. I just know with my first, I was met with silence when I tried to ask for advice about not breastfeeding and I'm scared of having the chat to be honest.

Anyway, thank you again

Your milk coming in lasts for such a short time in the grand scheme of things. Is it really worth giving up completely? Warm showers/compresses, massaging you breasts and plenty of feeding will help. This bit really will be over so soon!

When I stopped breastfeeding (similar time to you) I had 2 days of painful boobs but resisted the urge to express any and thankfully they got better on their own. I still have tiny amounts of milk leaking (3 weeks later) which is annoying as I still have to wear pads but that's it. Good luck with your new baby

Ok, let me be clear that it is entirely your choice what you do regarding feeding before I share my experience--I am not trying to influence you one way or the other! Every mother-baby pair is different and you have to do what works for you.

For me, like you, it was shit when my milk came in and my boobs were engorged and sore. That settled within 3-4 days though, and the worst of it was over within 2 daysso roughly the same as Penny above who stopped bfing because of it. So IME the engorgement settles pretty quickly, and might not beon its own--a reason to stop bfing. It might be, too, though, and if it isn't working for you then that is enough of a reason!

Thank you for all the advice and opinions. Boobs are feeling much better already today - he feeds so well which is such a shock after the hell I went through with my first.

I do think it's a shame to stop as he seems to be doing so well but it's the practicalities that I find so tough - clothing, not feeling like myself, I get quite anxious not knowing how much he's had - what is sucking for comfort compared with feeding.

Glad you're feeling ok @DrMelfi and hope the midwife is supportive of whatever decision you make today - all that matters is that he's nourished somehow.

He's not sucking for comfort - he is boosting your supply.

Never worry about how much he's getting- wet and dirty nappies are perfect! Weigh him in a week's time and he's bound to be chunking up.

You're doing great, don't doubt yourself! And 'he's feeding too often/how much is he getting?' are two thoughts you need to put out of your mind immediately, in my opinion they're the main reason breastfeeding fails.

Thank you @PassTheAfterEights and @ShackUp it is so good to speak to others about all this.

Maybe I will try for another week or so while my husband is still off work. Baby didn't poo yesterday and still hasn't today and I don't think he's having enough wet nappies. When they are wet they have what looks like blood in them but what I think is actually urates. His fontanelle is fine though, he has wet lips and no other signs of dehydration...

This midwife can't arrive soon enough today!

How did it go with the MW OP?

DS1 didn't poo for a week after the initial meconium by the way.

When 90/10 bf to formula my LO only pooed once a week. I think it’s because so much breast milk can be absorbed, there’s little waste. See how it goes OP but if you really don’t like it could you try expressing enough to just relieve pressure? Or start bf every other fed, then less and less. May hurt a little less?

Lots of breastfed babies don't poo much. The milk is so tailored to what they need there isn't much waste. I would expect cluster feeding soon too. Have a read on kellymom so you know what to expect. You're doing a great job.

Btw if you still are thinking about combination feeding, just pick a time to add in a bottle. Personally I would wait until your supply is established at roughly 6 weeks but do whatever is right for you. I gave my dd one bottle a day, around midnight so I could go to bed early and get some sleep, DH would stay up with her, give her the bottle and I could sleep until about 3ish before she needed another feed and would be up for most of the night.

You will feel more comfortable with the engorgement if you go on feeding. It really does sound as though you are getting on very well indeed - so well done! You soon get used to the idea of trusting your body to give your babe enough food - it just takes a little while for the two of you to get in synch.

Hi again

Thanks all for the input and encouragement. It really means a lot. @ShackUp - My midwife was good she said not to worry about poos - he did a huge one while she was there! She said really not to worry about a day without one. She isn't worried he is dehydrated as he is looking so well. He had only lost 3% of birth weight so she wasn't concerned.

I have been doing well with the feeding all day but this evening has been too much. My daughter was back from her childcare, baby was cluster feeding (remember it all too well from first time around). I struggled hugely with my daughter and that was without the added pressure/guilt of having another child to look after. I just can't continue with it - emotionally it absolutely crucifies me and I don't know why that is. I feel so utterly useless and I feel like I have massively failed my daughter and that I am going to lose her. It's all a bit of a mess this evening.

However you feed from here, don't forget that day 3/4 postpartum are the absolute worst for hideous hormones so things will definitely look brighter in only a day or so

What do you mean by you think you're going to lose your DD? It's such a difficult time, getting used to having a second. You'll find your rhythm soon.

@Bobbiepin hi, I just keep crying thinking about all that time I had with her before. We are very close and I put my absolute everything into her. And I can't do that now. I feel like I've been really naive - I mean of course I was never going to be able to with a newborn. I'm just so scared that that bond is going to break. I love her so much and I can't see how this will work with 4 of us. I'm hoping the overwhelming, hopeless feeling is hormones and I just have a bit of adjusting to do. Feels shit though!

I completely lost my shit at about the stage you are at trying to figure out how I would manage with two kids and loving everyone and breastfeeding and everything else. It's a whirlwindyou WILL be okay, whatever feeding method you decide on. Your daughter and son will too. The other thing is...I bet your son is taking aaaaaaaaaaages to feed right nowcompletely normal with a newborn. By two months I could feed my second (can't remember about my first) in about 15 minutes flat. By eight months it was more like 5.

You are in a massive phase of adjustment, from one child to two. be kind to yourself, whatever you decide about feeding.

Just going to put a slightly different perspective. Google 4th trimester and purple crying to get a bit more of an insight into normal newborn behavior. We are, naturally, very quick to assume that things are wrong with our babies when actually we don’t really know. Wind is normal - we all have it! It’s about babies getting used to the feel of their bodies digesting milk which they haven’t had to do for 9 months. It’s interesting to read how many people experience similar things with their babies and report that infacol, colief , gaviscon etc etc don’t work. Maybe because it’s a different problem to fix?

I post this link a lot but I think it is highly worthy of consideration.

www.babydoc.com.au/faq/colic-bore-your-baby-to-sleep/

OP you are in peak 'baby blues' days. No matter how you feed your baby it is normal to feel completely overwhelmed and emotional around this time. If you can I'd urge you not to give up right now and to try to see the next couple of days through. You may find that things get SO much better.

It is difficult to feel you are giving your first born the same attention as you were but you soon find a new normal. How old is she? Maybe some of us can advise? My DS is 3. I encouraged him to cuddle up on the side I wasn't feeding on and give him my attention through chats and songs. When I was very occupied I did let him get a bottle of drink/ snack bar or banana out and bring to me to open and even let him play on the kindle but after a month baby went much longer between feeds.

You do sometimes have to prioritise. We've also had the joys of potty training and I have had to remove baby from the breast to help with that.

You mentioned the guilt of bottles which I think is a real problem for many of us. I'm returning to work and struggled to express enough for a whole day so she started on formula and I do feel very guilty for not ebf until 6 months but at the end of the day formula might not be the best but it is a pretty close second.

Oh no so sorry posted on the wrong thread

OP you are doing amazingly and all these feelings are normal.

DS2 spent his first 6 months snoozing and feeding in a sling, I found it easier this way to give DS1 some time during cluster feeds.

Keep going!