Second Child- how did you know it was time?

[Smurfy23]

DD is 14 months and DH and I had agreed ages ago that we would start trying at the end of the year so she would be minimum 2.3 if/when DC2 arrived. We wanted a small age gap so they are close, I am conscious of my age (will be 34- not ancient by any stretch but not really young and we haven't ruled out having 3 so would need to be fairly soon). She hasn't got any cousins on either side and I'm really conscious of giving her opportunities for socialising as she gets older but also stopping her from being spoiled by our families.

But the closer we get, the more panicked I am about it. Am worried about dealing with her when pregnant, she isn't a great sleeper and needs to be held to go to sleep which I couldn't do pregnant and I imagine would be tricky with a new born. Our finances aren't great still from the last Mat leave. And she still seems so little!!

So my question really is- when you went for 2, did you feel ready in advance? Is a little bit of panic okay?!

We started trying for DC2 when DC1 was 16 months old, as we wanted a small age gap. 18 months and one miscarriage later we still only have DC1.

So it might not even happen that quickly and even if it does you’ve got 9 months to get things sorted. And 34 isn’t old, you’ve got time to decide.

@MyNameIs point completely taken x

I think the fact that you want a 2nd is a good starting point. For myself - I work full time and so does the OH. Therefore my LB went to nursery full time from 1 year old. I knew that we couldn’t really afford two sets of childcare and therefore held off having a 2nd. I initially wanted a 3 year gap. First was born when I was 31. Well that 3 year gap got extended and I got pregnant with 2nd one when eldest was 4 1/2 and in Reception. A number of factors, we had moved to a bigger place therefore bigger mortgage so we decided to wait. I was also very stressed at work - which worried me when ttc. Also my sister ended up with twins and I was petrified of having twins after seeing her with a 2 year gap! The advantage is that my older one is now just gone 6 and baby is now nearly 10 months. It’s honestly swings and roundabouts. I found it easy in the sense that when I was expecting my son was not really hard work - however doing the school run with a baby in tow has been an experience. Hubby used to take over after work as I was shattered Throughout the pregnancy. I conceived and gave birth at 36 which was still ok and I felt more confident in my choices. I like that the older one can help me and that he is quite independent, on the other hand I sometimes wish they were closer in age so they could play together. I honestly don’t think you can get it spot on - it’s all a learning curve. Wish you all the best and hope your first gets better with the sleeping!

Tbh it was an overwhelming urge - you don’t sound quite ready why not wait 3-6 months?

You do have time to wait but like others say it might not happen when you plan (took us 3 miscArriages too)

I've got a 3.5 year age gap. Major factors in the decision were dd1 sleeping through the night and being potty trained as well as not having to pay 2x childcare. Since dd1 started school in Sept & dd2 started nursery at the end of Oct the plan was executed perfectly but only because I conceived in 1st month of trying. It took 8 months with dd1 so was not expecting it to happen so soon. I was 35 at the time.

Because i dislike my job . I have a 22 month gap

We felt ready when DC1 was 2, therefore we ended up with an age gap of 3.1. DC1 was a difficult baby, so I knew I wanted to wait until I really felt I could handle two. Also, I wanted to have a bit of time between them so I could enjoy some time with DC1 when he was little (particularly as I had found him so difficult the first few months).

I think a 3 year age gap is a good compromise - close enough that they will play together a bit, but a big enough gap that the older one should be sleeping well and at nursery some of the time. I did still find DS challenging as a 3 year old, but the above helped.

With DD1 I felt completely ready for another when she was 12mo. She was neither an easy nor a difficult baby, pretty average I would say, and started sleeping through at 11mo. I was also conscious of my age (late 30s) and the fact she was an IVF baby so didn’t want to wait. We were lucky and had just a 21m gap in the end. As it turned out DD1 got ill when DD2 was born and I had a few weeks of being up all night with each in turn. You just muddle through somehow.

DD2 was much easier as a newborn but has been a terrible sleeper from 4mo and is non-stop during the day. We wanted 3 but I did not feel at all ready for another so soon. As it turned out I surprisingly fell pregnant naturally after 2 IVF babies. We will have a 23m gap between 2&3. I’m slightly worried about how I’ll cope with a newborn and DD2 who won’t go to sleep on her own and wakes up every night. But we’ll muddle through somehow.

I have to say that seeing DD1 and DD2 together is the sweetest thing. Yes they fight, but they adore each other and their little faces light up when they see each other again in the morning.

I think you have to feel ready. Why not work on DD going to sleep without needing to be held and think about in a month or two? We waited so that dd would be three before dc2 starts nursery (as like others we can't afford two lots of childcare), now 32 weeks and will have an age gap of 2.5 years. It's rough being pregnant with a toddler but you'll survive. As someone said though timing is not guaranteed, it could happen quickly, take ages or not at all.

We decided to try when DD was 5 months (I'm 32, DH is 40) and it took us 8 years to get pregnant. So we were eager to crack on for DC2 straight away as we knew that we'd like them close together, but were unsure how long it would take to get pregnant again!

However I didn't expect to get pregnant on the first try.. which is what happened. We were both absolutely stunned! But now the news has sunk in, we couldn't be happier!

DD will be about 14 months when DC2 is born and as this is our last baby, it's a nice thought that they'll be able to grow up so close together.

We have a 3y age gap. Planned so that eldest would have 15 free hours in nursery and I'd have some time with the baby. No age gap is perfect but it has been a good decision in many ways and do enjoy each other's company

That’s such a nice story myotherbag! Huge congratulations!