my fourteen year old daughter

[belfastma]

recently i found out that my fourteen year old had been sending nude photos to a 17 year old boy. I seen messages on her phone of her telling her friends about it and how scared she was. i know she dosent want me to know but im worried about her and him and what could happen. apparently he followed her and her friend about the town with his friends. I know i need to have a conversation with her about it but im unsure how to start it. can anyone relate or help?

I think you need to try and make sure you don't get angry with her whilst speaking to her, try and make her feel really comfortable talking to you about it and then hopefully she'll be able to come to you in future with similar things.

As for how to go about starting the conversation I'm really unsure. Will she be annoyed if she knows you've seen her messages?

Well first we need to establish how it is that you found out and saw these messages... I highly doubt she handed you her phone to browse through therefore you snooped on her phone which could now make it awkward to broach the subject because she may feel betrayed by you for checking her phone behind her back. I’d start with a general conversation about sex, safe sex, safety on the internet and messaging services and how important it is to make sure she sees the bigger picture that things online or via text don’t disappear, but don’t out right tell her youve snooped because chances are you’ll push her further away. Give her general advice and if she really is worried then she will come to you, you can’t stop it now if it’s already happened you just have to support her and let her know you’re on her side with no judgment or anger or shame but just understanding and listening.

I agree a chat is in order. Perhaps talk about it in a ficticious way eg. Your friend’s son received photos and got in trouble. My neighbour’s son and friends got in a lot of trouble for having similar photos on their phones when they were 14/15 yo. Really serious school and police involvement, familt liaison referrals etc. Had they have been older they were told they would be on sex offenders register. They were totally scared to death.

Notsooriginalwerther

Its called parenting, not snooping, and this is why it should be done as a matter of course for every parent.

Tell her that you are not mad at her as she has nothing wrong but as a parent you have checked her phone and seen that she has been coerced in to sending nudes to a 17 yr old.

From that point on it gets complicated as if she is found out she could get in to trouble for sending nude pictures of a minor, so she needs to fess up to the police and school to say what has gone on and make sure that the 17 yr old is the one that gets what he deserves.

Remember you have the proof in the text messages (or however they were sent).

BoneyBackJefferson

I meant it in terms of that’s the way her dd will likely see it, as snooping and chances are it will cause her to retreat and not want to talk. It is illegal yes for those pictures to have been sent because she’s a minor but again scaring her with the legal side may also just push her further away from opening up.

It’s a very difficult situation which Is why I was saying if it’s brought up in a broader sense then she may come round to speaking about it.

I hope, however you chose to approach this OP that it goes as well as it possibly can and that your dd knows you’ve got her back regardless :)