Have I f*cked this completely?

[causeimunderyourspell]

Please help me, I'm just at my wits end! I'm happy for everyone to tell me his is completely normal and that we will come out the other side with a nice child!!

My 3.5 year old - she is so highly strung and basically bratty. She's instantly shouting or crying if she doesn't get her own way. Foot stomping, flailing on the ground, argumentative "NO!" All the time.

I feel like we have majorly fucked up in some way along the line, and are going to be stuck with a horrible bratty child who does not listen and throws a strop whenever she doesn't get what she wants.

Please can someone advise me on how we can turn this around?

Typically, she is good as gold at nursery

4-4.5. :)

See for me if mine said get me doll shoe I would state back the correct polite way and still get it - she is 3.5 speech is still learning and needs reinforcement of the correct not you simply stating it.

So I would have said: Please mummy can you pass me the doll shoe. Smile and say of course I can and give it to her. Constant reinforcement of what she should say

Because OP she sounds V V normal its understanding that its normal and adapting your behaviour which can help.

But triggers are often hunger and tiredness. DS who is nearly six had a meltdown at the park today - it was hotted than expected, he was hunger and it became too much

The biggest thing you can do for her is to let her shout and scream and not give in. Just wait for it to be over. If she's doing it in a public place and disturbing others you could pick her up and take her out.

So the trick is to stay calm yourself. If she's in a safe place you can leave the room briefly. You could encourage her to hit a pillow or something.

What kind of things sets her off?

@Quartz2208 she was definitely tired as she was at nursery today. She never normally gets as worked up as this though so it got me panicking that her behaviour was deteriorating over time.

Dont panic its normal as long as you remember that its fine. They all temper tantrum its normal - the only reason adults dont do it is because we have learnt society expects us not too.

Just read a lot of mumsnet threads in AIBU its the adult version.

A day at nursery behaving and having to act a certain way when she gets home she is tired and wants to relax you picking her up on the doll thing set her off that is why

I work in the toddler room of a nursery and believe me this all sounds very usual and normal to me! But pp are right, you need to be firm and stick to your guns, when you’ve said something never back down even if you feel it was a bit harsh or an overreaction, don’t change your mind just remember that next time! Also if she continues to scream at you just walk away and carry on your day, even if you make up stuff to keep yourself busy (back to the fridge, upstairs to get washing etc) açai is staying in one place and letting her scream at you. Also I would avoid the battle of ‘you Will sit/stay here’ as it can really escalate things, I would simple keep busy then every now and then speak to her calmly and reiterate what is happening ‘You need to say Xxx’ or ‘you cannot have your dolly until later’ and continue on. Good luck!!