Really NOT ready to go back to work

[Timeforanothernewone]

I go back to work at the beginning of September as my maternity allowance runs out but I'm dreading how I'm going to do this. I'm really really not ready in the slightest.

My eldest is fine. He's 19 months. My youngest is bf and won't take a bottle. He is up multiple times a night (which is fine as he's a baby and I expect that) but he's not good at self soothing because I go to him instantly as any crying wakes my eldest despite the use of white noise. The 7 month old is still in my bed and my husband still on the sofa. I'm on a treadmill of food prep, nappies, dishwasher and laundry. I do no other housework. Dh often cooks dinner.

I'll be going back evenings and DH works full time, days plus Saturdays and starts uni in September on top of a 40 hour working week. He'll now be away two weekends a month plus additional study time.

How do I do this? My plate is so full and I haven't recovered in the way I hoped. I'm going to be going back to work on empty.

No family support and no childcare. Hence husband working days and me working evenings.

Bless you op that sounds really tough.
Can you afford not to work is that an option? If no can you work less shifts/how many are you supposed to work
How long are your evening shifts? Could you feed baby just before you leave and then on your return at all.
💐

Dh has agreed with work to finish at four so I can start work earlier which is ideal. I've worked out I need to only do five hours a week to break even but my work is term time only and I haven't averaged it out across the year yet. Break even also isn't ideal as that doesn't allow for any unforeseen circumstances and we also have about 25k of debt to pay back.

I guess it's a fine balance between improving our situation and killing myself trying. I'm self employed so can pick my hours but can't just magic clients. I tend to build them up in sept and don't really work after june

Personally I’d sleep train the baby and get him sleeping in his own room and hopefully through the night. Life is better with more sleep and your husband is likely to be more use to you after a good nights sleep in his own bed too!

Dh is useful but unfortunately has time limitations. He does need to be back in bed though, I agree. There is no own room for ds2. It's my room or his brother's room. I just can't see how we're going to manage it without any crying. Ds1 likes his sleep and there will be hello pay if it gets disrupted.

You're right though. Sleep is the number one battle

Could DS1 sleep in your room temporarily? Or DH take him away for a few nights whilst you do some sleep training? I know it’s difficult but if you crack the sleep then everything will seem better!

Do you have room in your room for another bed or cot? Some form of gentle sleep training could definitely help in this situation. If DS2 is a bottle-refuser have you tried just going to a cup or sippee cup?
Also make a plan. Have set days to do set things (clean a room on one day, go to park day).

I think maybe I need to just give it a go. There's a cot in my room but he always refused it. It's probably lazy of me but it's easier to feed laying down than sitting up and transferring him to the cot. I'll start trying to transfer him into the cot. I guess that's the best start. It's just hard when starting on tiredness but then don't we all know that

We've tried a cup but he isn't keen. Will keep trying

I know a EBF who refused all bottles/cups/sippy cups yet cried as he was hungry (he was at nursery) then one day he just drank a bottle. Nothing miraculous and nothing changed - he just decided.
Good idea with the transferring. If he spends some of the night time in his cot then it's better than it was. Good luck.

I gave up. I tried to feed him in a normal cradle position but he got pissed off. I fed him laying down and only went up to him once this evening. I might try to transfer him after the next feed

Just offering a dream feed while held which I don't normally do. Hopefully I can put into cot from there before I go to bed!

My younger daughter was like this and it all magically sorted itself out between 9 and 10 months when she decided milk could come from a bottle too and sleeping in her own bed rather than ours was also possible. Hang on in there OP

Good luck OP, your situation sounds really tough. We had the same issue getting DD into her cot & she's only been sleeping in there (most) of the night now for about 2 months. She's 13 months! All babies are different so are quite happy with the independent & the cot others hate it, I never though I'd get DD out of our bed but we did & so will you!

It's hard because I'd quite happily keep him in my bed but my husband has been on the sofa for a very very long time now.

We had the same thing, & even though DD is in her cot now OH still sleeps on the sofa because she wakes up during the night! I'm not complaining though, & OH says the sofa is quite comfy 🤣

I guess I shouldn't complain too much. He's come so far. Only three months ago he'd only sleep on me