Just wondering what experience or advice some of you may have regarding setting boundaries with extended family when they ask you to babysit their children. At present, we are planning to move for my husband's job... and this move inadvertently happens to bring us closer to my SIL. She currently doesn't have children but is planning to try for them this year, and the other day she told me that when she has children she will call me up and ask me to babysit, especially if my children are in nursery or school. (Her words were, "I'll call you and say, get over here and help me out, your kids are in school and I need a break!") As it's all theoretical at the moment I just smiled and laughed after all this might never come to happen. But as someone who feels extremely burnt out by caring for my own children (without much support) the thought of being asked to care for additional children by a relative within the next year or so feels overwhelming and I know I had better be prepared to communicate about this if it does come to pass. It's not that I would never want to help her out I absolutely would in an emergency or as a favour here and there -- but I couldn't see myself taking on a regular obligation to give her a regular break as and when she would like one, and I got the sense that that is what she was thinking.
I'm currently a mum of a 3 year old and a 1 year old with a baby on the way. I have very little childcare support and generally feel tired and burnt out in this season of life. (Part of that is probably due to the fatigue of pregnancy at the moment as well.) I am rarely able to get time to rest or re-charge and have felt overwhelmed just by trying to get through the day many days. In January, my son will be in nursery 3 hours per day, 5 days per week. That is probably the only childcare support I will have for a while, save occasional visits from my MIL (probably once every 2/3 months) when she comes to visit and offers to look after the children for a few hours, and for which I am very grateful. On very rare occasions, my SIL has come with my MIL when MIL has looked after the children (probably about twice per year for a few hours). I know she loves my kids, and enjoys having them around at family gatherings, but for the most part she has been hands off. I have never expected or counted on SIL to look after my children and have not felt entitled to her help she has her own obligations and busy life MIL has wanted to and volunteered to help out during the times when she has -- but SIL has been busy with other things, work, etc., and I understand that. When we are all together as extended family (i.e., SIL, BIL, MIL, FIL, and my family), SIL often enjoys observing my children and sometimes joins in to entertain them or sits and watches them for 10 minutes so DH and I can get dressed in the morning, etc., but most of the time she is off doing her own thing and I haven't expected more from her... So I don't feel that if I don't offer to babysit for her on a weekly basis, for example, that I would be failing to "pay her back" ....
Anyway, I would love to hear from those who live near family and who have been expected to babysit. (I think that if I didn't feel so burnt out from managing to care for my own children, perhaps I wouldn't be so so worried about this right now!)