I'm probably just being all hormonal and silly. I'm 36 weeks pregnant with baby number 2. Baby number 1 is now 2.5 years old. It's just hitting me (stupidly!) or maybe I'm just remembering now it's becoming imminent how bloody hard the newborn days/first year were with my first.
I should say, both babies were planned and very much wanted. Myself and DH are generally happy and secure although over the last 2.5 years we've had strain and stress like never before, I guess like lots of people do when children arrive. I'm a SAHM now, he works full time.
I'm hoping that someone can tell me that it's easier second time round? Aside from the normal newborn stuff, we also had the following to contend in the first year with when we had our first child.
- Horrendous traumatic 3 day birth which I was very unwell after (I'm having an ELCS this time) and left me with birth injuries
- Baby and me being in hospital for a week afterwards
- Me being unable to breastfeed properly because my milk took well over a week to come in due to my 2.5 L blood loss. When milk did arrive I expressed for 6 months and mix fed because baby would never latch but I felt so guilty
- Baby being constantly distressed due to terrible silent reflux which in the end caused baby to be hospitalised and medicated
- Baby then had complete bottle aversion and would only ever dream feed
- Baby having another health condition that required medication which could only be given IF baby had eaten well, which baby did not like doing, hence need to dream feed in order to 1) actually get baby fed and 2) give medication. These things meant leaving the house was really hard because I had to settle baby to sleep - always on me - for every bloody feed until she was 13months old (she was a late weaner too, never interested in food!) I became very isolated and lonely.
I did end up suffering quite badly from anxiety and at 12 months I saw a counsellor who really really helped, although he did say he didn't think I was suffering from 'normal' PND or PNA, that in his opinion he thought I was under a lot of stress, I'd had all control ripped away from me and that the anxiety was me trying to exert control over a situation where I had none. Anyway, after six months of counselling I was much much better plus baby had weaned, grown out of the reflux, slept well etc etc etc. She's now a lovely, and dare I say it, easy toddler except for a recent spate of night wakings. But I really can't complain.
I am just terrified that it's going to be that hard all over again, with a toddler in tow this time too.
Someone tell me to give my head a wobble!