I need help!

[user1483387861]

We’re on our first day of our summer holiday and I cannot remember having a more depressing, stressful start to any holiday we’ve been on as a family before.

It’s rained for much of the day and my 5 year old DS has been off the scales awful. We spent this morning indoors but managed to get out for a bit this afternoon but he’s been awful regardless. He went to bed a bit late last night as the drive was long which does add to his grumpiness. However, I can’t remember the last time he was quite this bad. He’s been defiant, rude, has bitten OH and harassed his younger sister pretty much all day. He’s kicked, hit and pushed her. Talking to him gently about his actions, time outs, removal of toys has pretty much zero affect. It’s like it’s a compulsion. He’s been really manic at times as well. He does seem to struggle with change and is really rigid with his thinking in that if something doesn’t go his way, he struggles to adapt to it. This then comes out as aggression and anger directed at the people around him. We have struggled with his behaviour especially towards his sister for a long time but we find it comes in cycles. He can be ok for a while but then we hit a difficult period. He also doesn’t fully understand personal space boundaries, he will ruffle classmate’s hair and prod them in excitement, worryingly the other day he went and held a strangers hand when they started up a conversation with me.

As a result, I don’t know if there is anything ASD going on with him. If there is, he’s high functioning as school have no issues with his behaviour although they are concerned about his fine motor and gross motor development e.g. he is not holding a pen properly. They have also noted that he struggles with transitions and tends to go a bit manic. He is sociable however, he has a number of friends and when we’re on play dates with them, he’s normally pretty well behaved. So he can do it.

Does there sound as if there are ASD issues going on and how can I help him when nothing seems to work?

It’s certainly possible that he’s ASD. Many of my family, including me, are on the spectrum and find change of any sort difficult. The fact that he’s reacting so badly to being in a different location for your holiday is rather indicative, along with not understanding social boundaries, etc.

In the short term, you just need a way to get through the holiday, rather than worrying about diagnostic labels. Try giving him a definite plan each day for what he will be doing, if possible, and explain what things he will see there and what time he will be getting meals and back to the accommodation. Autistics crave structure and certainty, it’s reassuring.

Is it somewhere new? If so it may be suddenly very disorientating for him. Can one of you take him for a quiet tour of wherever you are and give him boundaries. Siblings do not always get on. If you can identify what sparks his nastiness towards dd maybe you can avoid some incidents. Does he have his own space in your accommodation?

Thanks for the responses. We stayed in the same region of the country last year but we are in a different area. We have noticed that he has tended to be more difficult in the early stages of a holiday but nothing compared to today. He’s been no way near as bad in previous holidays.

He has his own bedroom but he tends to come into bed with us during the night.

I will try and give him a clear plan if what we’re doing everyday if that will help things.

As for DD, the mere sight of her is enough to trigger him. He does tend to be easier when he’s on his own.

When with friends does he play well in exchanging games taking turns to be leading the play or gets grumpy when he doesn't get his own way or the kids play a game he doesn't want to play?

Yes, he does get grumpy and difficult when he doesn’t get his own way. When a friend is over to play, this can be really evident. He often tires of the play date after 3 or so hours and wants his friend to go home. His behaviour then deteriorates. When he is over at a friend’s house, he is perfectly behaved.